Dating at 70?

I met my husband (then 69) on a dating site and while I cannot say things are perfect (are they ever?) we have had some lovely times and the best s** of my life. Never believe that seniors aren't capable of rocking the night away - a man in good health doesn't lose it! Having said that, success is not guaranteed, yes, there are lots of frogs out there and you need to be very resilient and self-protective. My absolute rule was that the guy pays for the first date and first meal out. And he is prepared to drive to meet you, not the other way round. I am old-fashioned and believe that men (or at least the kind of man that I would be interested in) need to take the proactive role. And who wants someone who is elderly and insolvent? However, once I got the feeling he was 'okay' I chipped in and we shared stuff.
Having said all of this, success is not guaranteed and your friend needs to be sure she can be happy on her own, and afford the lifestyle she wants, on her own. It's soul-destroying to be with someone she feels is 'ick' and I 'get' that she yearns for something better. Life is too short not to go for what you want, but she needs to weigh up the possibilities, realistically. As for the children - they are old enough to cope and to realise that it is her life. (Might be better not to mention the 'ick' bit though! - it's their dad after all!)

Primrose53

Germanshepherdsmum

If she thinks she can pick up where she left off in her 20s she is sadly deluded. I’m sure that in our heads we’re all still that age, but in our 70s our bodies tell a different story no matter how attractive we are and how well we’ve looked after ourselves.

That is very true. Most of my friends are the same age as me and we all laugh and say we still feel 16. That is until we look in a mirror! 😝 even worse ….. one of us starts discussing illhealth or operations and the conversation goes on and on.

I'm only 11 until I get out of bed 😁

Mind you, at 11 I wasn't interested in boys.
Come to think of it ........ I'm not now, either!

Jess20

Friend sounds awful, how sad for her poor husband who is presumably unaware. Seems an odd time in life to want to make a bid for - what? Just dating? Change? Freedom? Romance? Sex? Does she have her own money or is she expecting her ex to fund this? Would he be expected to have her back if the right man fails to turn up?Anyway, I'm being far too judgemental, good luck to her and hope her current husband is ok. Maybe they will both find a better life.

Nog judgemental, realistic.

If this was not such a sad case, the replies would be very amusing.

Germanshepherdsmum

If she thinks she can pick up where she left off in her 20s she is sadly deluded. I’m sure that in our heads we’re all still that age, but in our 70s our bodies tell a different story no matter how attractive we are and how well we’ve looked after ourselves.

That is very true. Most of my friends are the same age as me and we all laugh and say we still feel 16. That is until we look in a mirror! 😝 even worse ….. one of us starts discussing illhealth or operations and the conversation goes on and on.

If she thinks she can pick up where she left off in her 20s she is sadly deluded. I’m sure that in our heads we’re all still that age, but in our 70s our bodies tell a different story no matter how attractive we are and how well we’ve looked after ourselves.

Your friend could just be bored. If she says her husband is a great guy otherwise then maybe the sex is not good or not enough.

Perhaps she does, but hasn't her nice chap been disrespected enough?

Perhaps she just needs a little distraction for a while - there are websites out there for everyone and everything. Could give her a new lease of life without upsetting the apple cart. Bet I get some great responses on that one!!!

Friend sounds awful, how sad for her poor husband who is presumably unaware. Seems an odd time in life to want to make a bid for - what? Just dating? Change? Freedom? Romance? Sex? Does she have her own money or is she expecting her ex to fund this? Would he be expected to have her back if the right man fails to turn up?Anyway, I'm being far too judgemental, good luck to her and hope her current husband is ok. Maybe they will both find a better life.

Spec1alk

I have a friend who was widowed in her late 60’s. She met a man at an art class and they developed a friendship based around music and the arts. The friendship grew closer and they spent many happy times together- not marrying- now 10 years later he has recently died and she is alone again. Sad, but they had a great time for a decade!

I knew the man who became my partner after my husband died, we had gone to the same club for 10 years with our respective partners. He asked me out 6months later, I declined he left me alone for a further 6months then tried again and I gave in although I never fancied him then. We gradually became the best of friends but could not live together we were both too set in our old ways. He was married 62 years I was married 48. years. We had 9 years together and had a ball, dancing, travelling and spending as much time together as we could. I nursed him through cancer for 7 years although it was only the last two years he was seriously ill. I would do it again I grew to love him in a different way. Our families accepted it on the surface, but when he died (not leaving me anything by arrangement, so not the reason) his family were just ghastly to me, particularly at his funeral and beyond. We have no contact now so I miss the grandchildren.

Mmm.........like I've said, I'd never given this issue any thought until my friend dropped this bombshell.
On reading all your enlightening, thoughtful, interesting comments, I think that if I end up divorced/widowed, and, in time, thought a relationship would be nice, I'd be of the mindset "if it happens, it happens".
Meeting partners in real life or online is a challenge in any age group, but the comment about being a "nurse or a purse" in later life does ring alarm bells!

Delila Dogs are absolute magnets for attracting people. Plus you are getting lots of exercise and Vitamin D while you’re out on walks!

There are two things about older single men that you should understand (either divorced, widowed, or by choice):

1) Some are DESPERATE to find a woman to take care of them.
2) Some men absolutely LOVE their ability to play the field and have no intention of settling down. They are in it for the Fun and Freedom.

Nothing wrong with being single again at 70 but if she’s looking for thrilling romance she may encounter many “adventures” along the way that aren’t fulfilling, because she’ll be vulnerable.

Going on dating sites will be an eye-opening education for sure. Tread lightly. Hopefully she won’t wish for the old days.

We ran our home as a B&B for 9 years after our children left home. We met many couples who met new partners well into their 60s or 70s. (It’s amazing how much people confide in you.) I’ve also met a lot of older ‘new’ couples on holidays too. She should do what feels right for her & hopefully she’s find what she’s looking for, but I expect it’s a pretty daunting prospect.

I was nearly 72 when I started a fb correspondence with an old friend from university. Both single, we were always good pals and now we live together using our two homes. It’s the best time of our lives and … he’s all I could ever want.

I think dog-walking can present some “organic” opportunities, LindyLou, a nice relaxed scenario for getting to know people if you find yourself in the hypothetical situation you mention. Walking and talking with no pressure.

I had an aunt who married a man she had been pen friends with, when she was 75.
He was a real gentleman, quite comfortably off, (as was she) and basically everything you would hope for when looking for a partner.

It was a disaster, and almost ended up in domestic violence from both sides!

I wouldn’t be too concerned with dating and meeting someone else in her shores. I would seriously weigh up the pros and cons of divorcing, including the upheaval and finances.

There may be a few but far less than no of women and the lady could easily end up with a dodgy one or needing care - she needs to be alert and cautious !

I have a friend who was widowed in her late 60’s. She met a man at an art class and they developed a friendship based around music and the arts. The friendship grew closer and they spent many happy times together- not marrying- now 10 years later he has recently died and she is alone again. Sad, but they had a great time for a decade!

Just a thought, how will she feel when her husband who you say is a nice chap, very quickly moves in another woman? I have seen this happen a few times. After such a long and not completely unhappy marriage pretty upset I should think. Only one friend, after 70, has remarried, to be fair most don’t want to.

Most men will be looking for someone younger, at least that’s what I’ve always gathered. So a man of 70 ish will be wanting a 60ish woman.
I’d guess that a man of 80 odd will be wanting some to look after him/help him into his grave. (I don’t mean ‘actively’ helping him!)

However I’d have thought that meeting someone not via OLD would be far preferable - in a group activity, e.g. U3A, or on a singles holiday, or a cruise.

A long-widowed granny of mine was happily remarried at 80 - however her new husband (a widower) had been a neighbour for decades, so they were already well acquainted. I’d guess it was for companionship/sharing of expenses (rather than running two houses) as well as a very long friendship.

I think she’s taking her long term commitment to her husband very lightly. Both my husbands left me for pastures new and I was devastated as I was fully invested in both relationships. She should have had the courage to go it alone years ago really as both of them would have had more opportunity to build a new and happier life. I would suggest a period alone before dating again. If happiness is her goal she can evaluate what she wants in life now and it may not be necessarily with a new partner. I was of the same opinion as her once but now I’ve been alone for so long I realise that I do not need a man to bring me fulfilment. I think that, at my age (67), most would be an irritation to my soul unless I was very, very lucky!

Love the “purse or nurse” bit! Sums it up though