Dating at 70?

I did a spell of on-line dating when it was quite new and I was in my 40s/50s
Without boring you I am now on my own and happy to be so. On-line dating can be a minefield unless you are very sharp and can spot the red flags. There are people out there who will prey on vulnerable women at any age.
I'm not saying don't do it, but you have to do it with eyes open to the possibility you could have some short-term fun but long-term love? It remains rare, though there may be posts following this to contradict me!

Wise, wise words. Try being single first. That would be my advice for the simple reason it’s been so long for me that I wouldn’t have a clue and want to find my feet again. Age to me would not be a thing that’s just numbers particularly if healthy.

I know two couples in their 60s who met and married during the past couple of years through online dating. All are very happy but, as one of the women said, you have to kiss an awful lot of frogs before you find your prince!

A year or so after my husband died, I looked at a couple of dating sites. I was 70 at the time and my abiding impression was that most of the 70-something men were looking for women in their 50s and 60s while the 70+ women were sought after by men in their 80s. Presumably, these men are trying to future-proof by finding a younger woman to care for them in their old age!

I decided that online dating was too much like a meat market and not for me. I did, subsequently, meet the second love of my life but we were introduced by a mutual friend and the acquaintance evolved naturally. I would suggest the OP's friend should follow up on the idea of getting out and about and meeting people through interests and activities. You never know what's around the next corner!

I know (through my mother-in-law) a couple who met that way in their 70s.

They are both "young" and vibrant still though now in their 80s I would think - given the time they have been together (guessing 7 or 8 years)...
She gave up on the cheap/free sites which she said only yielded material for a novel (!) and paid (according to her) quite a hefty membership fee so she could rule out insolvent alcoholics and men who wanted "extra" with no commitment. Her husband was her first "match".

They are a terrific couple. It worked for them.

Before your friend starts to file for divorce, has she considered the financial impact as well as all the emotional ones?

I think your friend would be very foolish.
A friend did something similar when she was sixty, ditched her husband because she decided they had nothing in common any more, having married at twenty-one as she didn't want to be left on the shelf. He was devastated.
She confidently expected to find a new partner and trawled the dating sites vigorously and underwent some unpleasant experiences before she accepted that it wasn't like dumping a boyfriend on a Friday night and having a new one by Monday, when you were eighteen. That was fifteen years ago.

I spent 5 years on my own with my youngest son when I was 50 and it was the best time of my life. My husband now was through a dating agency and he is lovely but I wish I had stayed single a lot longer. Tell her not to rush into anything. Also I do hope she is able to maintain her lifestyle with her finances. Isn’t it a pity though that she has waited until now when she could have got away years ago and had the life that made her happy. Why settle for less when we only live once.

My friends mother widow, met a man on a cruise whilst celebrating her 70th birthday, they married when she was 72 and have been married for 15 years now.

LindyLou2020, if your friend is very unhappy then it does indeed make sense to divorce and make the best of life. However, if that hinges on finding a 'better catch' then I'd recommend her to think things through a bit more.

I laughed at an expression last week (at the chiropodist) when a lady said she had no intention of dating now, as she didn’t want to be a nurse or a purse at her age!

I think she would be quite foolish to try online dating before she has properly decided to leave her marriage. IMO she should either leave, get a divorce and learn to live alone for a while then try a dating agency.. or she should stay with her husband and join lots of groups and if she happens to meet someone through common interests then she may wish to leave the marriage. Whichever way she chooses she must talk to her husband and explain how she feels. He has to be considered..

The OP seems to have a very romantic view of divorce and dating, the divorce part is going to be very stressful, then you may or may find a new love.
Have you thought through the financial side of the divorce, it will likely take a year to finalize, men that are looking for a new relationship at 70 are not easy to find, so count on being single at the start.

Thank you all for taking the time to write these thoughtful replies. Just to make it clear, I really am "asking for a friend" - I know people say that when they are really asking for themselves, but I wouldn't waste my and your time with such subterfuge. I'm as certain as I can be that my friend doesn't know I'm on Gransnet, and therefore won't know I've posted, (I sincerely hope not anyway), so I will try to find a way to gently bring these concerns into any further conversations we may have. She does seem determined to go ahead 'though. I was particularly hoping for some feedback from people who had experience of this scenario in any shape or form, so thank you so much to those of you who shared your views and opinions with me.

Yes, she may or may not find someone else but until (if ever) she finds a man who is solvent she will have half as much money as she does now and may live a miserable, impoverished life. I imagine any ‘desirable, successful’ single men around of 70+ are likely to be looking for a younger model. Imo she’s missed the boat and there’s a lot to be said for ‘a really decent guy’. I hope she isn’t hoping to find a younger man.

I agree with dog'smother your friend should spend some time alone if she does leave her husband. Time needed to regroup and consider what she wants from the future. The grass is not always greener etc.

Well she’s ‘put up’ with this poor chap for 50+ years and now wants to ditch him and find someone new Why didn’t she do it 45 years ago
Poor bloke ( you call him a decent bloke) what a nonsense Sorry but no feelings for her at all you can’t stay with someone a lifetime then say well I never really loved him I want to find someone else
Selfish and nasty if he’d been a bad husband or she’d done it after 5 years I’d applaud her but she’s used him for 50 odd years then wants to kick him to the kerb for nothing he’s done wrong

there’s a lot to be said for ‘a really decent guy’.

Yes, so true *GSM(

Are they stuck in a routine/rut and she's just fed up and bored with her life in general?
Are there friends or people who she envies, and if so what does she envy about their lifestyle?
Could she try and introduce some of their ideas, hobbies, activities to her own marriage?

Does her husband maybe feel the same way about her?
I think they'd owe it to themselves to have some counselling, preferably together, before either of them do anything drastic.

I'm afraid your friend will find that men are usually looking for women younger than them. Any solvent, half decent bloke with his own home and teeth will be looking for someone no older than 60 at the most.

This is partly because men notoriously seek, and feel they deserve, younger models but also to future proof their care in old age.

At 70 she'll probably be looking at an 80 year old at least with all the health issues and entrenched behaviour that entails.

Your friend has been married so long she's forgotten she is no longer that 20 year old in the 70's. I wish her luck.

As I mentioned in my previous post the financial side of a separation will be very stressful as will the emotional aspect. Finding a man that matches your friends personality at 70 is not going to be straightforward.

I left my husband at 60 it was a very hard 12 months arguing the settlement then waiting for the final agreement. I was lucky I did find the right man quickly, even though I wasn’t even looking for a relationship, we did know each other socially so there were no honesty issues. 4yrs on were both very happy

Thanks to everyone who has replied so far!

Men of 70 will probably be looking for women age 30.
Bless their optimism!

MissAdventure

Men of 70 will probably be looking for women age 30.
Bless their optimism!

Definitely not, maybe 10 yrs younger what matters is common interests, similar lifestyle and personality. There are exceptions of course some want “arm candy”, most are looking for a companion that is easy to live with.

Better the devil you know

(Isn't that a book?)