Dating at 70?

Tell your friend to think very carefully before she puts anything in motion re a divorce. Surely her husband cannot be that bad if she has been with him that long.
I am a recent widow, it is hard being alone, but l wouldn't go online dating. My dh and l had a good marriage though.
I have a rescue dog so lm happy with him and am slowly joining clubs to get out into the world again.
She needs to be careful what she wishes for, the grass is not always greener in my opinion.

I think she would be more likely to find younger men interested, but not in a relationship, more an "arrangement".

Your friend is deluded She's not the catch she thinks she is and would becompeting with we men up to twenty years younger for men in their 70s Divorce by all means but not because she thinks she will easily find the man of her rather foolish dreams

As everyone else has said be very cautious. A friend of mine wisely said "At our age any men we meet only want one of two things - Nurse or Purse and I don't propose to be either."

Dream on 'friend'. If there is a decent 70 year old man out there he is going to look at 50 y old ladies. Will not be interested in her however attractive and interesting. Best of luck and be prepared to be his carer pretty soon.

Upthread there was someone who suggested she broadened her current situations by getting out more and finding new things to do. They suggested cluba crafts music or similar. Not an affair, just more social activities.

She may just need other interests?
I wonder if she has considered that she's a bit stuck in a repetitive life and it's just that she needs a few new challenges.

To have a comfortable compatible man is no bad thing.

I'm so grateful to ALL of you for your replies. It's not an issue I'd ever thought about until now.
I'm younger than my friend, but not THAT much younger.
Do you ever wonder about scenarios or events that may or may not ever happen? In a sort of day-dreamy way, if that makes sense?
This issue got me wondering what I would do should my hubby, or I, or both of us, decided to divorce. Or if he dies before me.
I like to think I have enough sense of self and independence to have no need or desire to go hell bent on finding another man.
But I have often wondered, if at some stage I WOULD be open to another relationship, where would I find one?
So my thread regarding my friend was a genuine question on her behalf, but also a wider question about dating - IRL or online - in later life.
Your answers have been an education - realistic and cautionary, and I have decided that, should I end up alone at 70 or whenever, I will be happily single unless something happens organically!

Katie59

MissAdventure

Men of 70 will probably be looking for women age 30.
Bless their optimism!

Definitely not, maybe 10 yrs younger what matters is common interests, similar lifestyle and personality. There are exceptions of course some want “arm candy”, most are looking for a companion that is easy to live with.

Sorry Katie59 but that isn't generally the case. Men are indeed looking for arm candy, or at least someone considerably younger than them. Many of them now find younger brides online from Thailand or the Philippines. These men aren't wealthy or much of a catch in our culture but they are to those women trapped in poverty.

Women on the other hand do put great store in personality, humour, companionship which is why there is such a great disparity between women and men who remarry after bereavement/divorce. Men are far more likely to be dating, or trying to, within the first year or even less. Women take much longer, if they bother at all.

I met my SO 15 years ago online. Started as email penpals, then chatted for a while then met, after a few months of talking. We've been together ever since and I love him more and more every day.

BUT, a friend of mine has been online dating for years and has met some real duffers. I think she took thought she was going to meet the man of her dreams (after a not very nice breakup) but all that happened was she was messed around, taken for a ride, lied to and ultimately ended up with someone she met in the pub who was still a bit of an @rse!

I can't help thinking your friend has a bit of a Hollywood view of life beyond her husband. I think she needs to take a step back, get all her ducks in order and wait until absolutely everything is sorted, assuming she is going to go through with this divorce. She might like the idea of being on her own for a while. As other posters have said, older men tend to want someone quite a bit younger than them. Either as a show piece, to convince themselves they still have a bit of pulling power, or someone they can hope might look after them in their twilight years. All the while, she still may well have to sift out the time-wasters, losers and the ones who will take her out once and then never to be seen or heard from again.

Does she really want that, at "her" age?!
(No offence intended, but I'm quite a bit younger and couldn't be bothered with the faff if I had to start all over again!!)

Hope your friend finds what she's looking for.

Presumably she thinks her husband won’t put up any fight or any obstacles of any kind. What a romantic idea of it all she has and if she thinks her adult children won’t be upset she is deluded, oh dear.

Sadly I think that GSM (pragmatic as ever) is probably right and that your friend has missed the boat in respect of many of the eligible men wanting younger models. I have been single all my life (apart from a very brief childfree marriage) and would not consider dating again. Its a minefield.

Watch the Tinder Swindler!

Its so sad that young women in the past were made to feel that if they did not "catch" a man by xxx age they would be "on the shelf" and an "old maid". Thank heavens you never hear those mouldy old phrases now and single women are often deeply envied.

I know one or two single nonagenarians if that helps.

Better the devil you know

(Isn't that a book?)

MissAdventure

Men of 70 will probably be looking for women age 30.
Bless their optimism!

Definitely not, maybe 10 yrs younger what matters is common interests, similar lifestyle and personality. There are exceptions of course some want “arm candy”, most are looking for a companion that is easy to live with.

Men of 70 will probably be looking for women age 30.
Bless their optimism!

Thanks to everyone who has replied so far!

As I mentioned in my previous post the financial side of a separation will be very stressful as will the emotional aspect. Finding a man that matches your friends personality at 70 is not going to be straightforward.

I left my husband at 60 it was a very hard 12 months arguing the settlement then waiting for the final agreement. I was lucky I did find the right man quickly, even though I wasn’t even looking for a relationship, we did know each other socially so there were no honesty issues. 4yrs on were both very happy

I'm afraid your friend will find that men are usually looking for women younger than them. Any solvent, half decent bloke with his own home and teeth will be looking for someone no older than 60 at the most.

This is partly because men notoriously seek, and feel they deserve, younger models but also to future proof their care in old age.

At 70 she'll probably be looking at an 80 year old at least with all the health issues and entrenched behaviour that entails.

Your friend has been married so long she's forgotten she is no longer that 20 year old in the 70's. I wish her luck.

Are they stuck in a routine/rut and she's just fed up and bored with her life in general?
Are there friends or people who she envies, and if so what does she envy about their lifestyle?
Could she try and introduce some of their ideas, hobbies, activities to her own marriage?

Does her husband maybe feel the same way about her?
I think they'd owe it to themselves to have some counselling, preferably together, before either of them do anything drastic.

there’s a lot to be said for ‘a really decent guy’.

Yes, so true *GSM(

Well she’s ‘put up’ with this poor chap for 50+ years and now wants to ditch him and find someone new Why didn’t she do it 45 years ago
Poor bloke ( you call him a decent bloke) what a nonsense Sorry but no feelings for her at all you can’t stay with someone a lifetime then say well I never really loved him I want to find someone else
Selfish and nasty if he’d been a bad husband or she’d done it after 5 years I’d applaud her but she’s used him for 50 odd years then wants to kick him to the kerb for nothing he’s done wrong

I agree with dog'smother your friend should spend some time alone if she does leave her husband. Time needed to regroup and consider what she wants from the future. The grass is not always greener etc.

Yes, she may or may not find someone else but until (if ever) she finds a man who is solvent she will have half as much money as she does now and may live a miserable, impoverished life. I imagine any ‘desirable, successful’ single men around of 70+ are likely to be looking for a younger model. Imo she’s missed the boat and there’s a lot to be said for ‘a really decent guy’. I hope she isn’t hoping to find a younger man.

Thank you all for taking the time to write these thoughtful replies. Just to make it clear, I really am "asking for a friend" - I know people say that when they are really asking for themselves, but I wouldn't waste my and your time with such subterfuge. I'm as certain as I can be that my friend doesn't know I'm on Gransnet, and therefore won't know I've posted, (I sincerely hope not anyway), so I will try to find a way to gently bring these concerns into any further conversations we may have. She does seem determined to go ahead 'though. I was particularly hoping for some feedback from people who had experience of this scenario in any shape or form, so thank you so much to those of you who shared your views and opinions with me.

The OP seems to have a very romantic view of divorce and dating, the divorce part is going to be very stressful, then you may or may find a new love.
Have you thought through the financial side of the divorce, it will likely take a year to finalize, men that are looking for a new relationship at 70 are not easy to find, so count on being single at the start.