Returning home after surgery

Scardeycat

After a total knee replacement operation in the UK, you will not be discharged until you can have demonstrated that you can go up and down stairs.

You will be shown how to use one stick/crutch on steps and you must have a stair rail to hang onto with the other hand.

It will be hard and slow at first but you will get better at it.

P.S. Your husband sounds like he is in denial. Knee replacement is a major operation, more so than a hip replacement because hips don't need to bend in the same way.

Hope all goes well, it will be worth it in the end.

I have to ask whether you are assuming that your husband is not doing as you ask because it is too difficult or inconvenient or whether it is an assumption on your part as to his motives. If it is because it is too difficult maybe he isn't being unkind but recognising his limitations but if it the latter, then that seems to be unkind. Alternatively, if it is an assumption, a calm conversation as to where his concerns lay. For all you know, he may be more concerned that you are going to be discharged much earlier than you should be because of convenience of the hospital rather than you.
Whatever your husband's motives, I do hope your operation goes well.

Not being discharged until you can climb stairs …..don’t know what country you folks are in ….but I’m in the south of England and my freind was discharged 8 weeks before she could even attempt the stairs !
She had three toes removed , and an arterial bypass in leg with roughly 70 staples.
Her son moved a bed downstairs and she was expected to use a commode ….
This is the realities of NHS treatment today!
Last week she managed stairs for first time …

A little while after my H R, I booked a disabled room in a Premier Inn.
The wet room was great but the bed was so low!
We immediately asked to change our room.
Of course the shower is over the bath but fortunately the side of the bath was low enough for me to cock my leg over.
Also, some Premier Inns don't have a lift.
Hope all goes well with your surgery...

I don't know why so many are assuming the husband is mean or selfish?

Surely using the stairs is a good thing to do post surgery.

Scaredycat may just be scared... Or the sort of person that needs some pushing??
We don't know anything about the husband's reasons really.

I had a total knee replacement at the end of November last year and the first few weeks are not easy. You will have a lot of pain so make sure you have some decent painkillers to hand. (I had Oramorph). You will find it difficult to climb stairs for the first week or so. Sitting on the toilet is also mission until you get the hang of it. I bought a frame that sits over the toilet so I could support myself as I sat down and stood up. Without the frame you need something close by that you can hold on to. I’m so sorry that your husband is being stubborn. I hope he’ll give you the support you need after your op. I wish you a speedy recovery 💐

Very well put.

I hope you have a downstairs loo because it does make life so much easier after surgery of any type.

You will not be discharged until to can negotiate the stairs.

Is he going to be the cook or is he expecting you to do a batch cook and freeze?

I live on my own and I organised a weekly cleaner who would also change my bedding. I could pop items in my washing machine and hang them up indoors. I live on my own and have had both knees replaced at different times.

Many years ago I decided to future-proof so I have 2 raised loos and a shower, no bath. I also have a stairlift because after a #dislocation of an ankle, post surgery I was non-weight bearing and could not cope.

I suppose that selfish bastard would manage to cope admirably if in your situation. You do what is right for you and good luck.

We are same age and were in same position. DH had total knee op and was released next day from hospital after they checked he could (sort of) climb stairs with 2 crutches.. luckily we have a downstairs loo and he did initially use a bottle, but only needed to go up and down stairs once a day. It was tough for the first couple of weeks though.

Just wanted to say, my mum was discharged from hospital without her feet ever touching the floor, never mind stairs. (She had been given a hip repair after breaking it)

My husband is 66 and had one done last year and is due to have the other in 3 weeks. He was not allowed home until he could climb stairs. They show you how to do it and how to descend too. I would be very hurt too as it's very selfish as you are clearly very worried. He could have said he would see how you were first. Good luck x

Primrose53

Another alternative would be to speak to the hospital. They will ask you whether you live alone and who will be there to support you. If you have no support they won’t send you home. You could always explain the situation as you’ve told it to us and they might have a word with your husband or keep you in a bit longer.

My husband has proved to be utterly useless at doing anything when I am ill, to the point of him completely ignoring me. When I had Covid and spent 3 days in bed all I had was a water bottle I refilled in the bathroom and a packet of biscuits.
Because of this, when I next end up being admitted, I will book myself into a hotel with room service to recover.
I never imagined for one moment I would need to do this 🤷🏼‍♀️

when my oh had his knee replacement a few years ago....like others have said,, they make sure you can climb stairs before sending you home, oh failed the first time, but managed the following day. apart from that he was on strong painkillers for a day or two following the op. he also had excersises to do every day...when oh was using the stairs, I walked behind him when going up, and in front of him coming down,,,I didn't even go to the shops unless someone else was in the house with him....so I don't think you're being unreasonable wanting your bed downstairs,,,I think your oh is being unreasonable...

I’ve had both hips and both knees replaced. I was told how to manage the stairs - worked fine- no problems- I was in hospital for 3 days. You do exactly what Lizziethelab says here. All the best 🤗

Maybe you should have a discrete chat with the discharge nurse along the lines off your DH doesn’t appear to show any compassion or consideration about your concerns. My OH, and others are similar. Good luck with your recovery and hope your anxiety is addressed by someone. I guess you would prepare for the worse if it was him.

You shouldn’t be discharged until you can do stairs. It would be extremely good for you do keep going upstairs to bed. A decent chair downstairs with your leg up during the day. And so very important to work hard at the exercise before and after the op.

I think that your problem is not really the practical one of stair management but rather how unhelpful your husband is being.

Have you tried spelling out to him in black and white how his refusal to move the furniture is making you feel - he might well not comprehend the impact that his behaviour is having on your feelings, how it appears as though you are not very high up in his priorities and that you feel unloved,, unloved, unsupported and unappreciated by his behaving in this way.

My friend was able to do stairs on his bum, with his good leg, is that an option? Bedtime is only once a day but rather more challenging if there's no downstairs loo....

I would accept the offer of help from the others you mention, as it is highly unlikely that you will be able to manage the stairs.

If you don't need a bed downstairs, surely your helpers will help put it back where it came from.

Your husband can like it or lump it!

When my mum had her knee replaced she wasn’t discharged till she could manage the stairs…she was in a first floor flat.

I would be extremely hurt and angry at his unsympathetic attitude.
I broke three bones in my ankle and had to have an operation, I slept on the sofa for six weeks because I didn’t want the bed downstairs
But a few months ago I had to have an ankle fusion this time I hired a stair lift so I could sleep in my own bed

So sorry your husband is being so selfish. You can refer yourself to the local adult social services. You can say that you would like help post discharge as your husband is not really cut out to be a carer and you would appreciate some help. For six weeks post op any help they agree with you should be free as you will be a hospital discharge.

You can go on line to self refer.

I just hurt my knee badly - and they wouldn't even let me leave hospital on crutches until I could show them my stair-climbing skills. My method was to bend the good knee, then follow with the dodgy one, a single stair at a time. I found it quite hilarious, though, as I live downstairs, so don't need to go upstairs at all. It's hardly a big deal to bring a bed down, though, so just get somebody else to do it.

Kalu

Tell your not so dear H your welfare and temporary needs come before his inconvenience and arrange with whoever has offered to help, bring a bed downstairs for you. Look after yourself first.

This!
Managing a few stairs in hospital isn't the same as lugging your weary body at the end of the day.

You may find you can manage, but a week or so downstairs won't hurt.

I would find someone to pay to fetch your bed down, as no doubt it is an upheaval.

I used to own a tall aerobed, we used those for a while after we moved house. It was very comfortable and is easy to inflate. Moving a single bed from upstairs to downstairs would not be as easy as getting an aerobed. They are available in normal bed height and when finished with, can be easily packed away for visitors