Gransnet forums


Returning home after surgery

(93 Posts)
Scardeycat Sat 16-Mar-24 19:06:36

We are both 71, I am soon to undergo surgery for a total knee replacement. He is fairly fit for his age.
If I am deemed to be recovering well after surgery, its possible I could be discharged the same or the next day.
I would be very happy with that but it is clear I probably won't be able to climb stairs for a few days more.
Here lies the problem.
My husband thinks if I am to be discharged then I should be able to climb stairs to the bedroom.
Therefore he is refusing to move furniture around so that a single bed can be brought down for me because it's too disruptive, difficult and inconvenient.
It's actually very do-able with help already being offered. I can't change my situation.
I'm hurt beyond words that after 35 years together he is being so stubborn and uncaring.
Am I being unreasonable?

Jaxjacky Sat 16-Mar-24 19:09:10

I believe, but happy to be corrected, you won’t be discharged until you can climb stairs.

Shelflife Sat 16-Mar-24 19:11:32

I thought that too Jax.

aggie Sat 16-Mar-24 19:13:05

You poor thing , it is very daunting to be expected to do everything post surgery that you can do today .
I only had a hip done a few years ago , but was shown how to manage on the stairs before I went home on the third day
Actually it wasn’t a problem and handier for the bathroom at night
I know a knee is different , someone with up to date information will be along to help here xx

Primrose53 Sat 16-Mar-24 19:20:31

I’d be hurt too! If I were you I would be in no rush at all to be discharged. When my Mum had knee replacement she had to show them she could manage stairs before they let her home but she was in her 80s then.

Have you any children who would be more understanding?

By the way there are stairs and stairs! I’ve been in several houses where the stairs are so steep they are almost vertical.

Primrose53 Sat 16-Mar-24 19:21:40

I meant to say, the “stairs” they used in the hospital were like 3 wooden treads. Joke really.

NotSpaghetti Sat 16-Mar-24 19:23:23

My neighbour climbed the stairs after having his knees done (one nee first then later the other). They did not bring a bed downstairs.
I think stair climbing is part of your rehabilitation to be honest.

Get well soon!

Norah Sat 16-Mar-24 19:25:45

You've 2 problems, imo.

Clue, second is your real problem.

1. I've had both knees done TKR, I was only discharged after I could go up and down stairs. Done and dusted.

2. My husband and I (60 yrs married) do for each other, we attempt to be the best partners possible. If my husband dared tell me he wouldn't do an easy task for my recovery - I'd go stay "Chez Daughters" and we'd see where we proceeded from there. It would not be pretty around here!

ginny Sat 16-Mar-24 19:30:09

I’ve had both knees and one hip replaced.
Had to climb stairs before I left hospital and yes, part of the exercises.

Is there any particular reason for you to think you won’t be able to get up the stairs ?

BlueBelle Sat 16-Mar-24 19:34:05

Do you have a daughter/ son / sister /brother/ friend you could stay with for the first week
I think your husband is being unkind and unfeeling and I d ask someone else and leave him to his selfishness for a week

Lizziethelab Sat 16-Mar-24 19:34:48

Hi, I’m sorry to hear you need a new knee, but you will be assessed regarding the stairs before you are discharged. If you aren’t offered this then insist you are shown how to do the stairs. Remember to go up the stairs good leg first and down stairs you lead with your operated leg (good to heaven, bad to hell). You can ask for an extra crutch so you can keep one at the top of the stairs for when you get there. Good luck with your op it will be worth it in the end.

Primrose53 Sat 16-Mar-24 19:35:12

My neighbour had knee replacement at 68 and slept downstairs for several days as did an older lady opposite. Both were not confident and the older lady’s stairs were exceptionally steep.

Visgir1 Sat 16-Mar-24 19:39:38

Me too...Had TKR. as soon as I could manage the stairs I was discharged. They show you how to use your crutches, going up the stairs .
You don't need any changes to your home except check mats are not in your way, in case you slip.
With Hips they "loan" you equipment but not TKR. I have had both hips and one knee so far...
Good luck, it will soon be History and no pain.

BlueBelle Sat 16-Mar-24 19:41:05
There’s a lot of advice and experience in this thread Scardycat

nanaK54 Sat 16-Mar-24 20:30:18

I feel so sad for you, that's so unkind of your husband.
If you don't think you will feel confident it honestly doesn't matter what others have done.

Callistemon21 Sat 16-Mar-24 20:47:48


I believe, but happy to be corrected, you won’t be discharged until you can climb stairs.

Oh good.
That was something that was concerning me too
Mind you, I am not very adept with crutches.

Scaredycat do you have a downstairs loo and wash basin? Could someone else move furniture and bring a bed downstairs? If you would feel more confident sleeping downstairs for a time, then that is what you should do.

Callistemon21 Sat 16-Mar-24 20:50:07

You could ask your DH to go up the stairs behind you if you don't feel confident.

charley68 Sat 16-Mar-24 21:18:52

My son's FIL, and my brother, have both had both knees done in the last 2 years, both discharged the day following surgery each time. Physio begins prior to surgery, and stairs assessment before discharge. A lot depends on how you feel, and your confidence in climbing/descending the stairs with crutches. The exercises are so important especially to get your knee to the 90 degree angle.

I wonder if you have been warned that your leg/knee will remain swollen for some time (months possibly) post surgery? Patients are generally warned about this, but so many are surprised that the swelling remains for so long. The swelling will settle. My brother complained so much about it! Some people are lucky in that their swelling disappears more quickly.

Good luck. It is awful for you that your husband is unhelpful.

BlueBelle Sat 16-Mar-24 21:28:12

But really whether she can manage the stairs or should manage them surely it should be at her pace and what she feels comfortable doing
Is it too much to ask to have the first week downstairs
Is there anyone can help get the bed down other than the reluctant husband or can you borrow a fold up bed for a week a lot of people have one for emergency families stay overs

NanKate Sat 16-Mar-24 21:33:09

I would book into the nearest Premier Inn with a room for someone disabled and read, watch telly have food cooked for me and leave your selfish husband at home to look after himself.

Lizziethelab Sat 16-Mar-24 22:00:42

Loving this idea!!

Ladyleftfieldlover Sat 16-Mar-24 22:20:07

I’ve had both knees done and wasn’t allowed home until I could manage stairs. Yes, your husband is being very mean! My OH wouldn’t even go to work until I was safely downstairs in the morning - we have a downstairs loo.
I think a few sharp words are needed.

Primrose53 Sat 16-Mar-24 22:20:52


I would book into the nearest Premier Inn with a room for someone disabled and read, watch telly have food cooked for me and leave your selfish husband at home to look after himself.

FabUlous idea 👏👏👏

cornergran Sat 16-Mar-24 22:36:36

I’m sorry your husband is being f less than supportive.

Can I suggest you tell the hospital physio about the stairs and the type, how steep, do you have hand rails that sort of thing. You won’t be discharged until you can manage stairs, I had to go up and down a ‘proper’ flight with sticks as I preferred those to crutches. Please don’t worry about the stairs, rather try to get to the bottom of your husbands attitude. Is he scared about you being unwell do you think? Good luck, TKR worked well for me, I recovered quickly, I hope the same for you.

Gwyllt Sat 16-Mar-24 22:59:53

Beware hotels with rooms for disabled. They might be ground floor , have wet rooms and raised toilets etc. BUT the beds can be incredibly low. Not advised or easy for knee or hip replacement