narcissistic man

Your middle son is an idiot

Sorry typo, should say texting not testing.

Well, something interesting has happened this morning. My middle son has called to invite me round for lunch tomorrow.
I told him all about the break up with this man and he thinks I should have given him a second chance!
He said he thinks that this guy was just being honest by talking about his ex- wife and ex partner all the time.
When this man called round unexpectedly to my house on Thursday morning he still didn't apologise for not testing for 4 days, just said he couldn't do it because he was so ill with a tummy bug and also because his mobile was downstairs all the time!
Maybe it's just a male perspective which is totally different.
But it's now got me thinking I was too harsh on this guy, too ready to give him up and at age 68 I'm not going to find anyone for a relationship again.
Sorry all, just trying to sort my thoughts out.

What do you mean? OP asked for advice or opinions.

People are all to quick to offer advice and tell you what to do and they may well be correct but they do not have to live with the consequences

And as a quick aside, age really is just a number. There are plenty of mature women with younger partners. My late husband was 6 years younger than me. 😉.

And recently I met a guy at least 20 years younger who expressed interest in me. Pleasant chap just not my type. 😂

I was not judging you for wanting a relationship. I am not suggesting you need to live like a nun but rather that you need to take a bit more care in your choice of men. The one you got entangled with wasn't the right one, is all.

Good he seems to have finally got the message......

Glad to hear this.

I do think your situation and concerns are genuine. You are a long-time member of GN and have posted in the past about various aspects of your life, having been alone for a long time after divorce, working in the NHS and about trying online dating

I sympathise as I also tried online dating once - and never to be repeated. I was 60, newly-retired and feeling a tad lonely. I had lived alone for a long time after being widowed and felt the need to go outside my usual social circle - just to see who was out there really.

I also met a man the same age as me where the chemistry seemed very strong. The physical side was very good. For a while, I really did think I had met a good if not perfect match. But there was also a nagging feeling that something wasn’t quite right, that he wasn’t being completed honest with me - and he wasn’t. I did not discover to what extent until much later. There were other red flags too.

I ended it after a few months and felt immense relief - but for a very long time afterwards, I mean years, he would, intermittently, try to reel me back in. It is a very long story that I am not going to relate but I do know how someone like that can try to wear your resistance down. It’s all too easy to remember the good times and forget the worrying stuff.

You have to be very strong and tell yourself over and over again what you always knew - that the relationship wasn’t all that you needed it to be.

When you are feeling weak, remember this aphorism:

Women want many things from one man. Men want one thing from many women.

Stay strong and good luck.

No Derbyshire Lass this is not being made up.
Yesterday evening I sent this man a text to say I'd advised my youngest son that he had turned up uninvited to my house yesterday.
I then went on to say that if he called over again I wouldn't answer the door and would be calling my son.
It seems to have worked as he hasn't sent a text or made a call since.
I feel bad that I'm going to miss the relationship that we had even if it was a friends with benefits type of thing. It suited us both at the time, it was good to have the intimacy and the company, someone to walk with and to share a meal.
Someone on here suggested that I should give up on men and get a dog. That's not the answer for me. I've lived on my own since being divorced in 2006, after being married for nearly 30 years.
I've watched my ex move on and marry someone 15 years younger than him and that is the way of the world, men can always go younger. So when I started dating this man and he was only 4 months younger than me I was feeling very pleased, add that to the fact that he was very good looking and physically fit. So please don't be too quick to judge someone for having a physical relationship, especially at this stage of life.

So.......we're being played and it's all made up.??

I think some people thrive on drama, and the attention on here.
This all sounds like a storyline in EastEnders 😒

He sounds horrible, mean with money and selfish. It’s also possible that you’re not his only female friend, has that occurred to you? Keep away and find a nice dog.

GSM i second that...and if OP has a daughter - what would her advice to her be about this type of man and his behaviour..I'm sure I would say to her RUN...but maybe this is a fake story..and if it isn't ...grow up OP!

good move GSM

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What are you mixed up about? Read your own opening post and see how much you complain about this man’s behaviour. He may or may not be a narcissist but you have said yourself that he is a misogynist. If you understand what misogyny is then why would you want to be with a man who dislikes and shows contempt and ingrained prejudice against women?

Let me ask you this. In the seventeen months you have been seeing this man, have you met his adult children? Have you met his parents if they are alive? Have you met his siblings if they are alive or any family member? Have you met any of his work colleagues or former colleagues or friends? Do you socialise with him with any of these people? Have you met his ex wife because, if you are going to be a serious part of his life, you will have to interact with his family and friends. If say, one of his adult children was to marry or have a baby baptised, would you expect to go to the ceremony as his partner? Similarly, have you introduced him to your family, friends and colleagues and socialised with them as a couple? Do you know where he is and who he is with on all the days you don’t see him?

If the answer to all of these is No then the two of you are no more than sex partners aka friends with benefits. If that is enough for you for however long this lasts, then go on seeing him but if not, you have to shut this down. It doesn’t matter how he reacts. You are not responsible for a grown man’s behaviour. If he gets angry because he has lost control of you, then that’s his problem. Block all contact and take the steps already described to protect your physical and mental safety.

well, oh, gosh, I do hope you listen to the others here,
my first thought was, thank goodness I don`t feel the need to have another man in my life, (dh died)

then I saw Barbadosbelle post and I admit I had to laugh,

sorry, it is not a laughing matter.. I do feel for you.

I know someone who went through this when she got entangled with someone she met through online dating.

When he hammered on her door she rang the police. They came immediately and arrested him.

Turns out he was well known to them. He had form and had already served nine months jail time for a previous similar offence. He had moved areas of course but they had his exploits on record.

OP. Do not mess about. This man has kept you at arms length, seeing you just twice a week for sex and keeping all manner of secrets from you, not allowing you to share his life. You know so little about him and yet you invited him into your home and your bed. That's a very dangerous game to play.

You have accepted crumbs from him and been pathetically grateful for his attentions. Now he has his hooks into you he thinks all he has to do is crook his little finger and you will go running to him like a whipped dog. If you do allow him back you can expect his appalling behaviour to escalate. He will continue to use you and humiliate you.

Sorry to be so blunt but you need to grow a backbone and send him packing. No woman should allow themselves to be used and humiliated like this. He is not worth the time of day.

For goodness sake you have been told what to do, send him a final text saying you want no more contact and if he does you will contact the police. He won’t like it but you must stick to it.
Even by hammering on the door he is trying to intimidate you but you need to be strong.
And it really doesn’t matter what you label him as, what he chooses to do is his decision not yours re his mental health.
As for going back online dating why is it so important you have a man at any cost?

DerbyshireLass

What should you do.???

What you were advised to do days ago.

CUT ALL CONTACT

1. Send him a cease pand desist text. Tell him the liaison is over. Warn him that if he continues to pester you you will contact the police.

2. Block him from your your phone.

3. Don't answer the door.

If he knocks on your door again, follow through and ring the police immediately.

You are enabling his behaviour and you are also leading him up the garden path. Allowing him to text you and inviting him into your home is sheer madness.

At the very least you are sending out mixed messages, giving him hope that he's still in with a chance. At worst you could be putting yourself in harms way if he turns nasty.

D

Yes! Do exactly this!

Time to move on Faringdon my friend

What should you do.???

What you were advised to do days ago.

CUT ALL CONTACT

1. Send him a cease pand desist text. Tell him the liaison is over. Warn him that if he continues to pester you you will contact the police.

2. Block him from your your phone.

3. Don't answer the door.

If he knocks on your door again, follow through and ring the police immediately.

You are enabling his behaviour and you are also leading him up the garden path. Allowing him to text you and inviting him into your home is sheer madness.

At the very least you are sending out mixed messages, giving him hope that he's still in with a chance. At worst you could be putting yourself in harms way if he turns nasty.

D

He will try to persuade you that he is right and you are wrong.

You’re not wrong. Remember that.

Although I can understand how you felt pressured to let him in. What he’s doing is not ok. Stay away.

Wow this is a massive red flag. Don’t agree to see him and next time don’t let him in.