Nowt so queer as folk as they say in Yorkshire

Go back through the thread and you’ll see it’s all resolved!!

Primrose53

Doodledog

I'd call them preferences rather than hang ups. 'Hang ups' sounds rather judgemental, and most people don't like feeling judged.

I enjoy having people over, and do so often, but I don't like unannounced visitors.

I don’t mind unannounced visitors at all. It’s often a lovely surprise.

But that's no reason to judge those who don't. I don't say that people who enjoy unannounced visitors must be lonely, which is no worse than accusing those of us who don't as having hang ups.

Maybe some folk just don’t like callers? Perhaps they worry about how to ‘call time’ on the visit?
Just a thought.

What sort of friends accepts others hospitality but never offers it. She’s obviously not bothered I would let the friendship go. She’s rude not replying.,have people in your life that want to be.

Doodledog

I'd call them preferences rather than hang ups. 'Hang ups' sounds rather judgemental, and most people don't like feeling judged.

I enjoy having people over, and do so often, but I don't like unannounced visitors.

I don’t mind unannounced visitors at all. It’s often a lovely surprise.

I'd call them preferences rather than hang ups. 'Hang ups' sounds rather judgemental, and most people don't like feeling judged.

I enjoy having people over, and do so often, but I don't like unannounced visitors.

I never realised people have such hang ups about visiting people or about inviting people in.

keepingquiet 😂

Maybe next time I'm not invited over the threshold I should enquire if they have a very messy house, have mental health problems or just don't like me!

When I was a census taker I had strict instructions not to call on anyone before 12 on a Sunday and never to enter their house.

I know some people thought it very odd that we weren't permitted to sit down and chat.

Grammaretto

That's true keepingquiet but the OP was offering to help her.
It was the refusal to accept help which surprised me.

People have offered to help me too and sometimes I've accepted it, especially with lifts as I still can't drive.

I have also told them the list is very long at which point they tend to go quiet lol!

Help from others can sometimes be anything but, even though offered in a well-meaning spirit.

I find it strange that some people seem to think this woman maybe now have mental health problems and live in a hovel!

Astounding how assumptions can be made with so little information.

I really must get the door- I think the men in white coats are here!

People have such different views on these things though. I would never call on someone unexpectedly. If I absolutely had to for some reason I wouldn't accept an invitation to go in, as I'd be very aware that I could be intruding. I would explain why I was there, and leave ASAP, even if offered coffee.

Also, if I someone is ill they might just want to be left alone. They might not be dressed if they've had a bad night, or they might know they need to rush to the loo regularly, or just want to curl up on the sofa with a cup of tea and an episode of Poirot.

I know that some people have an open door policy, which is fine for them, but I don't think it's reasonable to assume that anyone who doesn't is unfriendly, has a messy/dirty house or must have mental health problems.

That's true keepingquiet but the OP was offering to help her.
It was the refusal to accept help which surprised me.

Ziplok

Sometimes, people are embarrassed to have people see their home. Do you think this could be a possibility?

That was my first thought. Maybe a problem with hoarding, or just dirty/messy/both?

No one has seemed to mention that this woman has broken her shoulder and therefore must be quite incapacitated. OP says the family work full time so I sense this person is struggling with day to day tasks.

I had surgery a couple of months ago and wasn't prepared for how little I would be able to do afterwards.

Even when my daughter came to visit a week ago I was embarrassed at how neglected my home had become because it takes me so long to do the most basic jobs. Yes, I am embarrassed when people call but accept they have come to see me, not my house!

It could be that life is just a struggle for this person she just isn't ready for socialising yet. Maybe pop a note through her door?

It's definitely not a Northern thing!
My Lancashire neighbour when I first arrived in Scotland 50 years ago was almost over friendly. She had a habit of walking in with a "cooie!"

There was another neighbour, a native of Edinburgh, who kept me on the doorstep when I knocked unannounced. I was embarrassed until yet another neighbour explained that her house would have been in a "guddle" so not to take it personally.

My husband's sister is similar - happy to go out to see people, glad to go to anyone's home, but hasn't had anyone (including her 3 AC and now her only GD) for 10 years. She says there are rooms she cannot even get into in her house because she's got so much stuff - she had every single thing - furniture, ornaments, white goods, etc., from the house when my MIL died and it's all piled up, apparently. She admits she's a hoarder, but she refuses all offers of help.
Perhaps your friend is a hoarder, too.

Grannytomany My friend is confined to barracks following a TSR. and not able to visit me at the moment. I visited her on Thursday at her invitation.

Some people just don’t like having people in their home. If you can’t just accept that your friend is one of these people and you are not prepared to continue to host her in your house your only option , other than ending the friendship, is to always meet on neutral territory.

I certainly don’t think you should ask for an explanation or keep pushing in any way. All you should do is offer your help but be prepared for it not to be accepted or even acknowledged.

CocoPops

Callistemon I'll bring some scones.

Yes please!
I cannot make scones, they always end up like rock cakes.

Coming in at a different angle here. I have a friend that always comes round to me once a week, I've never (over years) been invited to her place - she's explained this to me.

She finds it hard to go out amongst people she doesn't know, so spends nearly all her time at home. She says that coming to my home, just once a week, for her feels like an outing. I don't mind, it's a good excuse to put kettle on and have a good natter, no matter where.

Callistemon I'll bring some scones.

So pleased your friendship is back on track

I am guessing my friend reached the stage where she was absolutely itching for some company and news!

Sorry, missed your update Cocopops
That's lovely.

When I get my new kitchen I'll invite you all round for tea and cake 😁

CocoPops - what lovely news!

I can't tell you how pleased I am - and truly don't know why... I think maybe it reminds me of my mother's great friend who struggled such a lot... - I am SO relieved for you both.

Happy day! 💐

Ziplok

Sometimes, people are embarrassed to have people see their home. Do you think this could be a possibility?

That's my thought too.