Petition: Give legal right of contact between grandchildren and grandparents

It’s so nice to see that this thread has returned to normality.

Glad GN has helped you VS.

Well, if it’s helped you to become a better grandparent, then good. 👍

Yes...

Gransnet has been so beneficial for my healing journey and I've become such a strong person now I surprise myself

Good for you. 👍

fancy that yes of course I do, I've spoken to so many people here, particularly in the estrangement forum which is an opportunity you don't get on most forums

I have made good friends here among some estranged parents and we have given each other so much support.

One has reunited with her daughter which was beautiful... My mother will never be capable of that sadly because she is abusive.

My mother dug herself a hole I think, at some point in life she needed an emotional punch bag and knew it was wrong. She has fabricated a reality to hide that from others and herself. Were she to even start to make amends, she has too much to unravel and admitting to that would cost here every relationship she has

Some issues just don't get the far, having a bad time in life doesn't and taking it out on someone doesn't always lead to shame and abuse to cover it. Doesn't always lead to justifying people's own bad behaviour to the point they feel justified to continue. Some people realize they were wrong and apologise and move forward... And I am not saying who that is in the relationship because it can be anyone

Callistemon21

DiamondLily

Smileless2012

The awful situation you and your family in shows how this can and does work DL. Ensuring that your GC doesn't have unsupervised contact with the birth mother, and working hard to ensure that your family will be an important and relevant part of the child's life.

Not long to wait now for the final judgement to be known .

Well, it is for us. So far. But, whatever happens, I know that every agency is saying that the birth mother needs to be kept clear.

Anything else is just the icing on the cake.🙂

Best wishes for a good outcome for you all DiamondLily

Thank you. 🙂

I only said it because there was such a conserted effort to turn this thread into an argument that I still don't understand

Really it should have ended about page 2

Smileless2012

Everyone here is invested in defending children VS, we are all mothers and the vast majority are GM's, including those of us who haven't been allowed to see our GC.

I can only give an opinion from years of working for SS, 2 kids, 5 grandkids, I GGC, and 2 stepkids, 4 step grandkids, and 4 step GGC. Along with various assorted in-laws.

My life has been a cross between Whack-AMole, and herding kittens lol 😉

VioletSky

I always beat myself up because for most of my parenting journey I never thought for a second my mother would harm my children.

I was convinced that I wasn't good enough and she only treated me badly because of that. I had no idea how emotional abuse and gaslighting worked. She was my mother and I loved her.

It was when she successfully destroyed another relationship I had and the massive argument that caused when I took a break from her and running around after her. My children expressed relief at not seeing her which led to them sharing that they didn't want to see her again. It actually took years for them to tell me everything. Especially one of my daughters who she made feel the same way I did.

I'll never forgive myself for not knowing, not understanding how much damage this woman did to us.

That's why I continue to have these conversations online. If just one child can be saved, that makes it worth it

Do you accept that it can all happen the other way around too?
And myriads of situations in between?

I am sorry for what you and your children had to endure.

DiamondLily

Smileless2012

The awful situation you and your family in shows how this can and does work DL. Ensuring that your GC doesn't have unsupervised contact with the birth mother, and working hard to ensure that your family will be an important and relevant part of the child's life.

Not long to wait now for the final judgement to be known .

Well, it is for us. So far. But, whatever happens, I know that every agency is saying that the birth mother needs to be kept clear.

Anything else is just the icing on the cake.🙂

Best wishes for a good outcome for you all DiamondLily

VioletSky

I think genuinely

I am invested in defending children

Perhaps others are invested in defending themselves because others wouldn't accept it... which unknowingly to them is the cause of many issues here

Curiously, whether parent/grandparent/both - most of us are.

I’ve got nothing to defend - my birth ACs have not got a problem. 🙄

There are few issues on here that I can see, although there are obviously some who have their own agenda for attacking grandparents in general.

Posters mostly have made reasonable and unbiased comments and have said they are not going to sign this petition..

Everyone here is invested in defending children VS, we are all mothers and the vast majority are GM's, including those of us who haven't been allowed to see our GC.

VioletSky

Diamondlily

Then why are you here? What good do you feel discussing these difficult topics does? What is your reason?

I have my reason and gave it... It is good enough

They allow adults to discuss topics - that’s what forums are.

I’ve experienced estrangement, via DH, I’ve had a difficult mother, and I’m currently involved in a child centred court case.

We are all entitled to opinions and to offer support, but I’m not arrogant enough to assume that any forum will save a child.

You estranged your mother - your choice, all fine.

What do you` get out of it? You’re already estranged, and I’m still not clear over whether you’re a grandparent or not.

DL's current family situation is extremely important and beneficial to this discussion VS as she is, as far as I'm aware, the only person here who is totally reliant on the current set up, to ensure her GGC is protected from the child's birth mother and that her, and her family, will be an intrinsic part of that child's life.

We should look at what other countries do better, what we should improve upon and use that as a bench mark to make any necessary improvements Callistemon.

I think genuinely

I am invested in defending children

Perhaps others are invested in defending themselves because others wouldn't accept it... which unknowingly to them is the cause of many issues here

Smileless2012

The awful situation you and your family in shows how this can and does work DL. Ensuring that your GC doesn't have unsupervised contact with the birth mother, and working hard to ensure that your family will be an important and relevant part of the child's life.

Not long to wait now for the final judgement to be known .

Well, it is for us. So far. But, whatever happens, I know that every agency is saying that the birth mother needs to be kept clear.

Anything else is just the icing on the cake.🙂

Diamondlily

Then why are you here? What good do you feel discussing these difficult topics does? What is your reason?

I have my reason and gave it... It is good enough

Germanshepherdsmum

So true, DL.

I was married to my first DH for 30 years. I got used to really good insults, and slinging them straight back lol 😉

The awful situation you and your family in shows how this can and does work DL. Ensuring that your GC doesn't have unsupervised contact with the birth mother, and working hard to ensure that your family will be an important and relevant part of the child's life.

Not long to wait now for the final judgement to be known .

Sometimes these topics make estranged children angry, it was me at first... Because of the fear, the fear that the person who hurt us so so much could get access to our minor children

Most of us as mothers would tear down the world in defence of our children

Compassion can go both ways....

It shows when a person is capable of showing patience and compassion instead of being reactive that they have truly healed and grown

VioletSky

I always beat myself up because for most of my parenting journey I never thought for a second my mother would harm my children.

I was convinced that I wasn't good enough and she only treated me badly because of that. I had no idea how emotional abuse and gaslighting worked. She was my mother and I loved her.

It was when she successfully destroyed another relationship I had and the massive argument that caused when I took a break from her and running around after her. My children expressed relief at not seeing her which led to them sharing that they didn't want to see her again. It actually took years for them to tell me everything. Especially one of my daughters who she made feel the same way I did.

I'll never forgive myself for not knowing, not understanding how much damage this woman did to us.

That's why I continue to have these conversations online. If just one child can be saved, that makes it worth it

We know about your poor relationship with your mother. But we are not your mother.

We are all different.

I shouldn’t think any child has ever been saved from an online forum. It’s just adults giving their view.

So true, DL.

Smileless2012

It does have it's critics though DL as it does in part recommend that where ever possible children remain with their birth parents, and this has in the past been cited as a potential reason why children were returned to unfit parents.

Yes, which is why I hope it will be revisited as other countries do have different rules and laws but always, the child's interests and welfare must come first.