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My husband kicks and punches me.

(63 Posts)
HowNowBrownCow Sun 16-Jun-24 18:09:17

I’m not an abused wife and I feel incredibly sorry for my husband. In his REM sleep he starts to get twitchy, sometimes a little vocal and often lashes out with a kick or a punch. Sometimes when he begins twitching and I awaken I am able to disturb him a little so he turns over but I don’t always wake up and I take the full force of the blow. Last night he punched me hard in the back and today I am still in pain some 14 hours later. He rarely remembers the dream or lashing out and is very apologetic when I tell him what’s happened. Our room isn’t big enough for separate beds, my husband is my carer and has to help me in the night. Does anyone else’s significant other do this? What measures can we put in place to help in this situation?

Lisaangel10 Fri 20-Sept-24 21:54:56

Waiting for an update with interest.
For the last yearish I talk in my sleep, flail my arms about and my OH says I tap him on the head or face. Luckily I have not hurt him. I have also fallen out of bed three times. I sleep really deeply so am not aware of any of this.

Son says I talk for ages really loudly. His room is next door to ours. If I need the loo I walk there but am barely awake and have even fallen asleep on the loo. Sounds funny but it isn’t.

JdotJ Fri 20-Sept-24 21:23:31

How small is your bedroom if you say you can't have twin beds ?

Surely it's possible

Oreo Fri 20-Sept-24 17:15:46

I really think HowNowBrownCow that only two single beds is the answer, as another poster said, even if you have to move other furniture out.

Oreo Fri 20-Sept-24 17:14:00

pably15

my husband had restless legs for years, his arms would move too when he was asleep, and I often got nudges , he would also wrap the duvet around him, now I leave him to it...I moved to another room..

My DP has that syndrome so we bought a king size bed which helped a lot.He ends up so wrapped up in the duvet that he looks like a sausage roll.😄

Allsorts Fri 20-Sept-24 17:10:20

I wouldn't be sleeping with him. Sorry.

lukej42 Fri 20-Sept-24 17:02:45

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granfromafar Fri 05-Jul-24 16:16:33

Any update on how the doctor's appointment went, HowNowBrownCow?
I am interested to read this as my OH has also done the same thing from time to time, though not recently. He has been taking statins for years, but didn't know this could be a side-effect.

pably15 Fri 05-Jul-24 15:58:37

my husband had restless legs for years, his arms would move too when he was asleep, and I often got nudges , he would also wrap the duvet around him, now I leave him to it...I moved to another room..

62Granny Fri 05-Jul-24 15:10:31

I would have thought with a spinal cord injury and being paraplegic, you would have to sleep in a hospital type bed rather than a standard double? My Sister has your complaint and she has to. He needs to get checked out as a few different illness can cause his symptoms stress being one of them. Do you have a spare room could be not have a bed in there together with a baby monitor that you could call him if you needed help in the night. Or as others have said move your other furniture into the spare room and have 2 single beds in your room.

Nannashirlz Fri 05-Jul-24 14:33:16

If you got room for a king double bed you got space for two singles beds or you need two rooms if that fails divorce lol

Macadia Sat 22-Jun-24 21:16:18

They make sleeping bags for this where the partner has to be zipped up. Yes, it is called REM Sleep Behavior Disorder. I once received a black eye from this, too, Spuddy.

Freshair Sat 22-Jun-24 19:34:33

I did that when I was on anti-depressants many years ago. It's not nice for the partner so you have my sympathy. Hope you can get a resolution, seems twin beds is the only answer really.

NotSpaghetti Sat 22-Jun-24 19:08:08

Good luck HowNowBrownCow.- hope something is soon sorted.
🙏

kircubbin2000 Mon 17-Jun-24 15:45:33

Move into the spare room and if you need help ring a bell.Everyone needs their own room specially as we get older.

HowNowBrownCow Mon 17-Jun-24 14:42:35

UPDATE: GP appointment made for Wednesday. Thank you all. It’s good to know that we’re not alone in this.

Sago Mon 17-Jun-24 13:03:44

This kind of behaviour in sleep can be due to a number of medical issues.
Your husband needs to see his GP.

spottybook Mon 17-Jun-24 12:20:27

My husband suffers from this too. He jerks violently when falling asleep, particularly arms and legs. We now sleep in separate rooms and make sure we have twin beds on holiday wherever possible. He is completely unaware that he is jerking or twitching. I have tried shaking, prodding etc in the past but nothing seems to stop him. They are called hypnagogic jerks.

PammyHoops Mon 17-Jun-24 11:54:47

Could you perhaps get 2 single beds pushed together with a board between them. A little like a bed guard. Then you would still be lose but have protection and peace of mind of having him close.
I confess, I am usually the one in our relationship who has on occasions kicked or punched out, usually during a dream of being restrained and possibly on the verge of waking made the actual move. Only a handful of times in the last 23 years. It wakes me and I am quick to apologise.

Grandmabatty Mon 17-Jun-24 10:07:46

My friend's mum had extremely vivid and upsetting dreams for a long time. She was diagnosed with Parkinson's and apparently those kind of dreams can feature before any recognisable symptoms. Definitely get him to the doctor.

Patsy70 Mon 17-Jun-24 10:06:46

Astitchintime

Ilovecheese

Is he taking statins? If so maybe ask your GP to change them to a different kind.

Him taking statins was my first thought too. My OH has developed Restless Leg Syndrome since taking statins and he regularly 'runs' in his sleep.

The OP has already confirmed that he is not taking any medication.
HowNowBrownCow. Please don’t hesitate in going with your husband to see your GP.

Astitchintime Mon 17-Jun-24 09:47:25

Ilovecheese

Is he taking statins? If so maybe ask your GP to change them to a different kind.

Him taking statins was my first thought too. My OH has developed Restless Leg Syndrome since taking statins and he regularly 'runs' in his sleep.

Spuddy Mon 17-Jun-24 09:32:52

Definitely get him some kind of medical help as soon as possible. He's probably not doing it intentionally. It's amazing what we do when fully asleep and have no idea what we're doing!

Over the years, my beloved hubby, who is also my carer, has accidentally clobbered me in his sleep! He's NOT abusive, I'm NOT a battered wife, he's the most gentle and caring hubby I could ever have, I worship him and he knows it,

There was one time we were both asleep and all of a sudden I screamed out as excruciating pain shot into my left eye and around that part of the face. As I screamed he woke up. Apparently he was dreaming he was in a boxing match, which is weird as he's not a boxing fan at all, gave his opponent a good right hander and it was me that got a huge black eye and swollen face! He immediately rushed me to the fridge when he stuck a frozen bag of peas on it, apologizing profusely! He's 5'9 and 18 stone so packs a good punch! Once the pain started easing we had a jolly good laugh about it!

A few other times too over the years where he's accidentally hit me.

But the strange thing is, in November 2022 we rescued a cat from the streets, she was abused and neglected, scared and starving, she's still with us, happy and content and well fed, we both love her to bits and you know what? Hubby has had no more ''violent sleep episodes'' since we got her! She sleeps with us every night, snuggled in his arms with his beard! I'm batter free now!

Shelflife Mon 17-Jun-24 09:16:00

This is a serious problem and I feel sure your DH is not doing this on purpose. I recognize you are in a very difficult situation because you are dependent on his help especially during the night. Please go together to your GP and don't pull any punches ( pardon the pun!) Explain clearly how bad it is , obviously this can not continue. I am not a sleep expert but obviously your DH needs help . Some of the responses you have received show a lack of judgement and understanding. Do get medical help - I hope this horrible situation improves for you. Good luck.

DiamondLily Mon 17-Jun-24 09:02:16

My late husband did this, and it was Sleep Apnea- despite medication and a C-Pap machine, it still happened.

I used to sense it, in the end, and give him a nudge - that usually worked.🙂

grannyqueenie Sun 16-Jun-24 20:50:08

Oops, sorry everyone, I see I posted a comment in the wrong place. Apologies notnowbrowncow that must be very scary for you, hope you can find a workable solution thanks