Wealthy husband won't spend any money

No-one has asked the OP about her real situation regarding mobility.
Is it the case that she would appreciate her husband's help if he would agree to more trips away? Is there an issue around her disability?
She has already expressed a doubt as to whether he actually wants to be with her.
And by the way, it's not helpful that posters on this thread go on about the lovely equal relationships they had with their spouses, mostly husband's.

I am just wondering if, as a person who has RA and therefore unable to work and disabled, you would be able to any disability benefits such as Personal Independence Payment? This id not means tested so any money your husband has is not included.

I think the OP should sit down with her husband and discuss calmly what she wants. Be that 1 foreign holiday abroad each year or 3, one weekend away each month or twice a year, a meal out every week or only on birthdays etc. Then perhaps he would compromise and agree to some things.
If not then perhaps she should it alone or with friends, family etc.

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I agree that there is little liklihood that you can change his attitude to money, but I do think you need to try to discuss it with him.

You say, he has always been a bit like this, but that it is getting worse.

This rang a bell with me, as that is precisely what my grandparents were like. In old age, although they had enough money to live on, they, and especially my grandmother, after grandpa's death became increasingly convinced that they DID NOT have enough to live on. It got to the stage where Grannie was living in a totally unheated house in December when we visited. She was in no way senile, but convinced that she had to save money!

So try to get your husband to see that now that he has retired you should be able to do some of the things that were not possible while you worked.

As for some years yet, you do not have your pension, you and he are living on his, and savings, I assume, but point out that you do have your pension to look forward to, so there is no reason to be so "careful with money" (parsimonious!) as he is being.

Tell him that you had looked forward to being able to go out sometimes, and the life of a hermit is not for you, however much he enjoys it.

Try to come to some agreement as to how your living expenses are used, and how much they amount to. And that there has to be some pleasures.

As far as I can see, it’s not just about the money! Retirement is a time when you get to spend more quality time with your partner doing things you BOTH enjoy. One might be more gregarious/adventurous than the other but both partners’ needs should still be accommodated to a degree. My sister and her husband exemplify this! This lady suffers from a debilitating illness which has forced her to become financially dependant on her husband! In sickness and I health is part of the marriage contract I believe? I symapthise with her situation and would hope that this would not stop her from leading a happy and fulfilled life. If she has savings of her own, perhaps she should use them for her own pleasure! Does her husband try to control those? Very worrying if that is the case! Perhaps small steps of encouraging him to get out more? A frank discussion about how they see the years ahead panning out? A lot to unpack here and it is a scenario I have come across before. Both partners should be equal within a marriage no matter what the financial status of each is! I had a tightwad husband who spent money on himself but rarely on things for us as a couple. Luckily I got out, despite me being older. I had a little money of my own and although I do not have the financial security I had before, I have my independence which is everything! Not the road some would take, but it worked for me!

Just go on to dinner, holidays out with friends let him wallow in his old age don't let him hold you back you only live once I have been there

Divorce him, he will have to give you half of all his wealth.

Hubby and I are both retired. We both are now receiving state pension and works pension although due to circumstances beyond our control neither are as much as they could have been, but we are quite secure now. Hubby is older than me and enjoys tv and our caravan but I'm still more active so I just tell him I've booked so and so or that I'm off to meet friends and get on with it. Different from OP but I'm not sitting at home just because he wants to.

Debbi do you get attendance allowance if not apply for it. Plus if you drive you should have a blue badge . And if you get the money spend it on what you want .

We agreed early on I would look after our children then work part time then full time when the children were older, my husband had the high earning job but all monies were joint monies, never mine or his. He never ever considered he was ‘subsidised’ me or our children, that is a true equal partnership.

David49

Sorry Callistemon no idea what happened there, response was to husband being a long term smoker.

Ok David49 🙂

mabon1

Why haven't you any money of your own to spend I wonder? Go without him.

She allowed she does have money to spend. Therefore leave him happily pottering whilst she gads about is the obvious answer. Expressed by many.

Why haven't you any money of your own to spend I wonder? Go without him.

Sorry Callistemon no idea what happened there, response was to husband being a long term smoker.

David49

Callistemon213

I just want to enjoy our life and money before it's too late

I can understand. Unfortunately you both have different expectations of what a happy retirement should entail.

I doubt you can change him now unless he is in fact feeling depressed.
Perhaps you could join some clubs eg U3A, the TWG or WI and enjoy some trips and meals out with other people. A friend of mine joined a theatre group and they went on coach trips to theatres in London and other places. Her DH wasn't interested in doing that but she met other ladies on these trips.

My Father in Law was a long term pipe smoker, he had serious bronchitis in his mid 60s, doctor told him straight “stop smoking or you will die”, he did and lived to 95

Did you mean to quote me or another poster David49?

It seems to be a non-sequitur!

That 😯 was to BigMamma

😯

Callistemon213

^I just want to enjoy our life and money before it's too late^

I can understand. Unfortunately you both have different expectations of what a happy retirement should entail.

I doubt you can change him now unless he is in fact feeling depressed.
Perhaps you could join some clubs eg U3A, the TWG or WI and enjoy some trips and meals out with other people. A friend of mine joined a theatre group and they went on coach trips to theatres in London and other places. Her DH wasn't interested in doing that but she met other ladies on these trips.

My Father in Law was a long term pipe smoker, he had serious bronchitis in his mid 60s, doctor told him straight “stop smoking or you will die”, he did and lived to 95

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BlueBelle

I don’t see him as miserly. I don’t see either to blame

He just had very different expectations of retirement to Debbie he saw himself resting after a lifetime of working for money, a time to sit still, to stop achieving, to potter, to do nothing, to wind down
Debbie saw it as an opportunity to start living to wind up to start travelling and going out and spending the money
(they /he) had gathered
Two hugely different expectations and dreams and unless a halfway house can be found the marriage isn’t going to go very much further

👏👏👏. We were led to believe that it was about money but it really isn’t.

It was Prudential 😁

Does anyone remember that advert, can't remember what product they were advertising but it was a classic.

He says that when they retire he wants to spend more time together and in the garden.
She thinks she wants to hire a big yacht and sail around the world. 😁

Adjusting to retirement can be difficult but I think, generally, women adapt to it more easily than men.

www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DV9DIDMeOJlY&ved=2ahUKEwiajPavro-HAxWZYEEAHUjdAH4QwqsBegQICBAE&usg=AOvVaw2kpxLF8BMbyrf3Kzi9DHer

I don’t see him as miserly. I don’t see either to blame

He just had very different expectations of retirement to Debbie he saw himself resting after a lifetime of working for money, a time to sit still, to stop achieving, to potter, to do nothing, to wind down
Debbie saw it as an opportunity to start living to wind up to start travelling and going out and spending the money
(they /he) had gathered
Two hugely different expectations and dreams and unless a halfway house can be found the marriage isn’t going to go very much further

He needs to see the GP about the constant cough and lethargy.