Wealthy husband won't spend any money

Do you work full time? Lead by example. He doesn't have to spend anything if it scares him. Have fun and use your earnings to treat him to an evening out. These times will change. You can't change him.

I retired myself around 4 years ago, I have rheumatoid arthritis, I didn't have a works pension and won't get my state pension until I'm 67 I believe

Do you work or have your own pension ? why rely on your husband go out with the friends who invite you for the meal without him You’re not joined at the hip.
As for holidays do you have friends outside your marriage? go somewhere with them, have a day out now and then If you don’t have a life outside your husband, start one, join something, go to something, go somewhere Get on a bus and go to another town do some window shopping or buy something, go to the cinema or threatre tell him how wonderful the show was
He has his ways and you’re trotting along beside him although you don’t enjoy those same ways you can change and you never know he may follow
It’s all up to you really

He is probably financially secure because he is 'careful' and thrifty. My father was the same, after a lifetime of supporting his mother as well as my mother and me. Remind him that savings will evaporate once he /you need care in old age, and that Labour will most definitely target his money with taxes and charges to pay for the improvident.

Sorry your post wasn’t there when I posted
Obviously if you have NO money in your own name that makes it more difficult Does he pay for everything ? Do you have no independence at all ?
Can you do any home jobs or find a sitting down part time job to make some money for yourself it must be awful to depend on someone else for every penny Surely you can’t spend the next 7 years relying on your tight husband ?

60 is so young you should be having sone fun whilst you can

That’s why he is wealthy. Seems to go with the territory,somehow, from my experience. If you have any money that you control yourself I would just go and do things anyway because you only have one life. It may also be that he is nervous in company and uses the money as an excuse not to mix with others which is a different story altogether and he may need help with that.

Is he afraid of being without money. Has he ever been in a position where he could not afford to buy something. Were his parents always financially well off or were they once poor.

Perhaps it is a fear of not having any money in his old age.

It seems as though he has been supporting you for years and he can do that because he has been careful. He might feel differently in another ten years but his savings are a good safety net, allowing a roof over your heads, comfortable life, car etc. You say you are financially secure, seems as though your husband has been responsible for that. He did well

This will seem personal but how do you get any money does he give you an allowance ? Do you have any savings from your work days?
You ve bern married 14 years and he’s been fully supporting you both and the house for the last 4 years can't you do anything to earn some money for yourself? I ve never been in this position but I couldn’t bear to be wholly supported by another person
When you look at holidays and he says they are too expensive do you just agree and walk away, why not suggest a cheaper version or even just a day out eating some chips instead of a full meal somewhere
If he says something is too expensive, instead of accepting that, ask him what you can afford can you afford a long weekend instead of a week can you afford a day trip take a picnic to the woods take some sandwiches to a museum an art gallery anything to get out the shed

It’s a problem many women face, a husband that is not active and adventurous, when my first wife became unable to travel I took a few holidays as a single, there were always several married women getting away on their own. They usually were working or drawing on a pension and used that money to pay for the holidays.

The OP needs to be more assertive, insisting on doing what she wants, as a couple if possible, if not as a single or friend.

It might be helpful if your husband shared the details of the household finances with you, if he doesn’t already.
Two reasons:
1. You can then see what your running costs are and how much is in the kitty and what money might be available for leisure spending, and what savings there are for contingencies and for the future
2. If he were to die or be incapacitated, you would know how to manage. Sorry, but it can happen without warning.

Whilst you may not be in a position to work and have your own income, it is important that you are fully involved in the household budgeting. Then you will know what is affordable or not.
Ideally, I hope you have access to some money that you can spend as you wish.

Cabbie21

It might be helpful if your husband shared the details of the household finances with you, if he doesn’t already.
Two reasons:
1. You can then see what your running costs are and how much is in the kitty and what money might be available for leisure spending, and what savings there are for contingencies and for the future
2. If he were to die or be incapacitated, you would know how to manage. Sorry, but it can happen without warning.

Whilst you may not be in a position to work and have your own income, it is important that you are fully involved in the household budgeting. Then you will know what is affordable or not.
Ideally, I hope you have access to some money that you can spend as you wish.

In addition to Cabbie21's suggestion you might also consider asking your husband if he has nominated you in respect of 'survivor pension' for his private pension in the event that he dies before you.

It’s a problem many women face, a husband that is not active and adventurous, when my first wife became unable to travel I took a few holidays as a single

Well, I would not have liked that, David49, you say your wife was unable to travel, not that she just refused to go anywhere, and you went off on singles holidays by yourself.

Debbi1958's case is a bit different. Perhaps start with small steps, Debbi and persuade him to go out, perhaps fish and chips by the seaside if it's within reasonable distance, afternoon tea. He might find he enjoys it.
Is he nervous about driving now? So many main roads, motorways are so busy now.
You are both relatively young, so many places to explore even just in the UK 🙂

He may be concerned about eking out the money until you both get your State pensions too.

“Well, I would not have liked that, David49, you say your wife was unable to travel, not that she just refused to go anywhere, and you went off on singles holidays by yourself.”

My wife was chronically ill, unable to travel I became her full time carer for 5 yrs, as respite, our daughter stayed with her during those trips.

So I well understand the issues carers have, I was lucky I reduced work and became semi retired and there are family closeby. I did not find caring a burden, it’s about “for better or for worse” I learned to cook and take over all the domestic and garden jobs.

Callistemon you are saying I should not take respite

Sadly, I am not sure he will change.

I think I would try and approach it first from an emotional point of view.
What are his real, deep seated reasons for the non-spending?

Afraid of having no money?
The way he has been brought up?
Afraid the income will dry up?
Dont want to give money to businesses?
Nothing he really wants anyway?
Something else?

Sounds like me and hubby. We just can't be bothered.

Do either of you have children?
Is he concerned about "legacy"?

It seems you have no money but want to spend his. How about being grateful that he is keeping you and has been for years, rather than expecting him to take you on expensive holidays. It’s his money, probably accumulated through hard work and being careful, it’s not yours.

eazybee

He is probably financially secure because he is 'careful' and thrifty. My father was the same, after a lifetime of supporting his mother as well as my mother and me. Remind him that savings will evaporate once he /you need care in old age, and that Labour will most definitely target his money with taxes and charges to pay for the improvident.

But he's only 59. It's all well and good to be thrifty but he might not live a long life.

My father had cancer and died when he was 55. Having had 4 children and got us off his hands he was beginning to enjoy some of the finer things of life. My Mother had Alzheimers and died a few years later.

My FIL lived to be 90, my MIL having died some years before him. I remember him saying that he wished they had done more things, holidays perhaps, whilst they were able to, rather than keep saving.

I believe that when you commit to marry someone you commit also to a sharing partnership, otherwise what is the point?

I can understand if a partner is profligate with money that it may be a problem, but if not, surely there is an obligation to support one another and take care of each other’s reasonable needs. Going on holiday and out for a meal is reasonable, if it is affordable IMO.

I don’t see any point in committing to a permanent partnership otherwise. I couldn’t.

Germanshepherdsmum

It seems you have no money but want to spend his. How about being grateful that he is keeping you and has been for years, rather than expecting him to take you on expensive holidays. It’s his money, probably accumulated through hard work and being careful, it’s not yours.

That’s a bit over the top.

Couples marry to share their life and both contribute what they can, a spouse “shares” the marital wealth and if they divorce will take part of it with them.
It applies in exactly the same way regardless of who has the most wealth.

The OPs husband needs to realize that if he does not satisfy her “needs” she will leave him, which is going to cost a lot more than a few weekend away and a nice holiday each year.

Hear hear Farzanah.

Else, have some sort of system in place[and hope it sticks] re finances, before getting married, if finances are very unequal.

Maybe I haven't explained myself very well, the point I was trying to make, is that I would like us to enjoy the money / retirement together. I have some saving of my own from before we met. I also have 3 sisters that I could go out with any time . We are having a lovely trip to Bath Spa tomorrow, to celebrate my recent birthday. I guess I expected bring a married couple, we would do more together.

I have never been kept by a man and never will be. My marriage is and always has been an equal partnership, neither of us subsidises the other.