Husband’s early retirement delayed

Retirement for men (and sometimes women) often requires building a new social life and the loss of valued work relationships. It takes effort and may need help.

What do you mean exactly Macadia?

It is strange how two people in retirement age have to have their last life long goals coincide. I am dealing with that right now too. It is so difficult.

My husband says he is re-tired, every morning that he wakes up. Again and again and again. Tired again.

It seems to me that because you have been laid off from your job, he is now thinking about his retirement and having enough income to do all the things you have planned to do. It is not easy to suddenly have pensions to live on and he may be worrying about the future.

Does he actually know about and endorse all your plans? Or are these plans you've made that you think you will both enjoy but haven't discussed them with him?

Perhaps he worries about moving from a situation where he is knowledgeable and valued, where he has friends and colleagues to discuss things with to a position where he has to rebuild his life from scratch.

Thank you for all your responses.
My husband was asked to work longer because of staff shortages and projects that needed finishing by the company.

I was layed off from my job 11 months ago so took my private pension which is only a small amount a month as I haven’t found a new job yet.

I was layed off from my job a few months ago.

That’s a really good point. My husband rarely socialises outside of work with his colleagues.

The trouble with retirement is that you lose your close colleagues and a certain status, or reason to get up. It might be that he just doesn't want to spend all his time with you.. harsh though that sounds. why don't you find interesting ways to spend your time without him.. and book a lovely holiday so that you guarantee some time with him.. and then have a really good honest talk about what you both want in the future..

A few years ago I was complaining about having to go back to work after a lovely long holiday. I thought it was quite a normal thing to do. I did like my job.

My ex asked why I didn't 'pack it in,' I would have been in my late fifties then and had worked all my life.

I then asked when he was going to retire, as he was in his early-sixties by then and finding running his business very stressful. He didn't reply- not for years.

Our relationship wasn't in a good place and due to his unwillingness to even go part-time, I kept my job and left him, only to find out he retired not long afterwards.

He just didn't want to be with me and said so in the end.

I think you need to communicate your anxieties with your DH, find more things to do yourself, even carry on working if you have that choice. Let him make the decisions about what he wants from his own life, and you do the same.

I don't know the circumstances here but for a lot of men work is their only social life. Women meet up for coffee and lunch or other groups. Men are seldom included in these social things and therefor see retirement in a different way to women.

We’ve only had half a story here. WHY has your husband decided to work another 9 months? Was it discussed?

Money worries? His vision of retirement is different to yours? How was he expected to help with your struggles?

Sounds to me as if he is running for the hills……

You don't say why he decided to retire later. There may be good reasons why he was forced to work longer. Money or maybe he does not feel the other people are ready to take over his job. If he has been there a long time they are his friends and he will not just walk out and leave them struggling.

It sounds as though you are not working.

"I had lots of plans of things we could do and places to go and now it’s on hold. I feel extremely fed up about our plans being delayed."

Were these plans fully discussed by both of you?
What help is it that you are expecting from your husband for 'struggling with the menopause.'
Perhaps your husband is not looking forward to the prospect of his role once retired?

Interesting this don’t think my husband will ever retire he can’t sit still!

You both need to sit down and talk about it, with agreed rules of engagement.

Each of you take their turn to explain how they are feeling. Your menopause and how it affects you. Why he changed his mind about retirement. How his change of plan affects you. How your menopause is affecting him.

On that basis talk through to a happy compromise without any blaming or accusing the other person.

My husband retired three times.

At first thought I thought the same as others.
But reading through again, it sounds like he decided to change his mind. And doesnt have your approval.

Are you concerned he will delay it further? After the 9 months are finished?

Is he scared to retire?

And why wont he take holidays before then?

We never know what curve balls life chucks at us but in my books it is always good to have some hobby/hobbies on the back boiler like art/woodwork/crochet or anything else you may enjoy. Why not take the next 9 months as project time to plan/make/study/practice some project you have or a series of projects like attending exercise classes, joining interest groups etc. Despite my advancing years I am planning next year to go down to the local surf school and learn to surf albeit in a very downsized way.

Retirement can be quite a daunting prospect for some, especially those with very busy, demanding jobs. Don't underestimate how scary it can be.
Does he understand what you're going through with the menopause, he may be finding the changes you're experiencing daunting and confusing too?
It's often helpful to move gently into retirement and maybe you could both compromise if he agreed to reduce his hours and ease slowly towards full time retirement.
You really need to talk this through if you can. I hope you can work something out that suits you both.

I agree with BlueBelle.

In the great scheme of things, 9 months is nothing and will fly by.

You mention ‘early’ retirement, how early is that? Is he getting second thoughts about packing up work sooner than expected?

If he is still reluctant after the 9 months though, I would be having a proper discussion about it all. Perhaps he is more worried about a reduction in income, and thinks that all your plans will turn out more expensive than previously thought?

Sorry to dismiss this but 9 months is nothing, it’s gone in a blink you’re obviously very young if you’re going through the menopause so you’ve got years to do all these things in
Sounds as if you aren’t working yourself so why not have a few months doing your own thing, or stuff with friends.
Is it worth being disappointed over youre only talking about Spring time.
You say yourself you are reacting irrationally and I agree you’re very lucky you have enough money to retire at all 🤣

You are not acting unreasonable you are reacting to your husband sudden change of plan. I have recently heard from friends how husbands have made sudden decisions without discussing it before hand.
This might be a panic reaction to the reality of age and becoming retired that can happen to anyone. Don’t overthink it as you have your own difficult time at present by the sound of it. A good sit down and talk is what’s required and an understanding of each of your needs plans and hopeful outcome.

Are you working another 9 months too?