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Bottom of the list!

(79 Posts)
Frufru Wed 07-Aug-24 02:06:23

My cousin is visiting from Australia x I haven’t seen her in 20 years! Her sisters live the opposite end of the country to me x it would cost a lot of money & time to use public transport to get there to see her & I can’t drive over 6 hours on my own x I’m heartbroken as this is probably my last chance to see her ( we are both in our 60s) My family haven’t offered any help at all! I did ask my husband to take some time off work to accompany me but he’s refused!
Just needed to rant through my tears…

biglouis Wed 07-Aug-24 03:22:32

Could you not break your journey at a hotel overnight midway so you are not driving too long? It would be a shame to miss this opportunity.

Nansnet Wed 07-Aug-24 04:23:00

I agree that a 6 hour journey is a long way to drive on your own. I know public transport can be expensive, but have you checked out the cost of National Express coaches? They are usually far cheaper than the train, and I've always had good experiences using them, particularly when travelling alone. I always make sure I have a nice coffee, water and something to eat for the journey, as well as a good book to read, or an audible book to listen to, and the time soon passes!

Meeting your cousin again obviously means a lot to you, so if your husband isn't willing to join you, I'd take the opportunity to go alone and enjoy the family reunion.

NotAGran55 Wed 07-Aug-24 06:05:53

Six hours is too much in a day, but I would do as biglouis suggests and have a stop over somewhere. Somewhere you have always fancied seeing maybe?
Turn the opportunity into a positive.

David49 Wed 07-Aug-24 07:32:07

My wife is the same age, if she wanted to go she would - with or without me, coach and bus is probably the easiest unless it’s on a mainline railway destination.

Make the arrangements and go!.

ginny Wed 07-Aug-24 07:44:20

I agree with David49 above.

Ladyleftfieldlover Wed 07-Aug-24 07:46:23

As others have said, break the journey on the way. A friend had a massive journey from Oxfordshire to the Hebrides to greet a new grandchild. It involved driving, a small plane and a ferry! She did it over a couple of days. I’m sure you can sort something out.

Cadenza123 Wed 07-Aug-24 08:40:06

Get a train. Even if it is expensive surely it would be worth it.

Chocolatelovinggran Wed 07-Aug-24 08:50:01

I'm with everyone else here. Buy the tickets, take a book, enjoy the journey. What's money for if not this?

Skydancer Wed 07-Aug-24 08:59:42

Trains are the way to go. Then an overnight stay and back the next day. Best to book a ticket and it’s probably worth getting some kind of railcard where you can get 1/3 off. Probably a Senior Railcard. I use public transport all the time as I hate driving. You will be able to relax and enjoy the journey.

Redhead56 Wed 07-Aug-24 09:05:57

Go for it train coach whatever then overnight stay you will be glad you did and enjoy.

Callistemon213 Wed 07-Aug-24 09:13:17

David49

My wife is the same age, if she wanted to go she would - with or without me, coach and bus is probably the easiest unless it’s on a mainline railway destination.

Make the arrangements and go!.

I agree, so would I but then, I'm sure DH would go with me anyway.

I thought you were going to say you were in your 80s or 90s, Frufru but 60s is still young unless you are ill or disabled in which case it's understandable.

It's probably cheaper to go on National Express with a Senior Citizens discount card than to drive.

eazybee Wed 07-Aug-24 09:14:18

National Express is good for long journeys; reasonable stops and loos on board; you sit there with a good book watching others fight the traffic and your luggage is safely stowed away so you don't have to watch it constantly. You may have to change coaches for a long journey but coach stations are not so nerve-racking as train stations.
This is probably your last chance to see your cousin so go for it; being sixty is no hindrance to travel.

Callistemon213 Wed 07-Aug-24 11:07:36

being sixty is no hindrance to travel

Sixty is the new forty, life begins at 60 (if you're fit and well).

Shelflife Wed 07-Aug-24 11:12:10

Just go! National Express seems a good option. Who knows once your DH sees you mean business he may decide he doesn't want to miss out ?
Take the initiative, start making travel plans today. Good luck and enjoy being with your cousin.

Theexwife Wed 07-Aug-24 11:21:54

Think about how far your cousin has travelled, it may give you the incentive to do a 6 hour journey, doing it alone will boost your confidence.

Callistemon213 Wed 07-Aug-24 11:29:51

Theexwife

Think about how far your cousin has travelled, it may give you the incentive to do a 6 hour journey, doing it alone will boost your confidence.

Very good point indeed!

RosiesMaw2 Wed 07-Aug-24 12:04:56

What do you mean “bottom of the list” ?
Why the self- pity, the rant and the tears?
You are not old, what is to stop you putting yourself out to meet up with this cousin unless of course she is not far enough up your list.
Split the journey, or do it by public transport (National Express or advance rail) but why should your husband have to take time off work for you to meet up with your cousin?

Callistemon213 Wed 07-Aug-24 12:16:31

RosiesMaw2

What do you mean “bottom of the list” ?
Why the self- pity, the rant and the tears?
You are not old, what is to stop you putting yourself out to meet up with this cousin unless of course she is not far enough up your list.
Split the journey, or do it by public transport (National Express or advance rail) but why should your husband have to take time off work for you to meet up with your cousin?

I took it that Frufru felt she is bottom of the list for her DH, he can't be bothered to go with her or show any interest.

If he's usually this miserable, just go without him, he'll only make everyone else miserable.

Marydoll Wed 07-Aug-24 12:38:49

I am nearly seventy and disabled. If DH doesn't want to go somewhere I go it myself!
Your are not old. If you do not have ill health or mobility issues, what is the problem?
You and your cousins will probably bore your DH by reminiscing, I'm not surprised he has declined, mine would hate it! .

Siope Wed 07-Aug-24 12:40:16

I don’t think six hours drive is that long, to be honest. I’m close to 70 and drive that far for a couple of days work now and again. I’d do it with just one stop, but if you don’t feel up to that, do several shorter spells. Leave bright and early, plan breaks for breakfast and a walk; morning tea; a long restful lunch and another walk; another tea break; arrive in time for dinner.

After you’ve seen your cousins, spend a few more days having a nice holiday, and/or make the journey home a bit of a road trip by taking a longer scenic route with just an hour or two driving each day, staying in interesting places for a night or two.

Nannyof4mummyof2 Wed 07-Aug-24 18:04:46

I feel your upset and frustration have you got a friend who you could travel with either by public transport or getting them to drive or suggest to your cousin a meeting half way between you both I really hope you get to meet take care

Coolgran65 Wed 07-Aug-24 18:40:33

Start early. Drive 2 hours and stop for coffee and to stretch your legs. Drive another 2 hours and stop for lunch. Drive another 2 hours and arrive.
Or have a overnight stop. Stay overnight at your destination. And a stopover on the return journey.
Or take the bus.
Don't be beaten. Let dh fend for himself. You won't have to worry if he is enjoying the trip.

Georgesgran Wed 07-Aug-24 19:31:51

I’ll jump on the bandwagon and say just go for it! You are definitely a bit younger than a lot of us here, so I don’t see that as an issue, unless you are ill and have mobility problems.
However, you say it would cost a lot of time and money to go - is that a major issue? I’d be happy with driving, as coolgran suggests - yes, there’s a cost to that but if your DH had driven, the cost would be the same, as would be the time involved.

As another poster would say, it’s time to get your big girls pants on and strike out on your own.
This could be your last chance to see your cousin.
Good luck.

Tenko Wed 07-Aug-24 20:04:39

You definitely need to go and see your cousin , she’s flown all those miles to see family . I’m 65 and I’d drive , yes it’s a long drive but I’d have several stops and possibly stay overnight somewhere. I enjoy driving and it’s wouldn’t faze me . I understand that you might be nervous of a long drive but doing it will boost your confidence.
If you can’t face the drive , take the train or coach . Ignore your dh and just go