My Ex

So, you don’t really know for sure, only that he may be addicted to an online pornography site. How have you come to this conclusion, what makes you think it might be? How have you discovered this? Unsavoury as it is to many, if true, it’s not really your business as you are his ex. You could be completely wide of the mark, too, so saying something could damage the cordial relationship you have at present, plus damage your relationship with your daughter, and hers with her father. I would advise caution, before opening this can of worms.

(As &Granny62* says, if it’s child pornography, that’s quite different and would need reporting, but again, you need to be absolutely certain of your facts first).

What is there to suggest the ex is addicted to looking at porn?
Presumably he thinks (rightly) that what he does is his own business, and certainly nothing to do with his ex, or his daughter.

I presume it is adults he is looking at and not children. If the latter it would need reporting to the police and yes your DD would need to know.
If it is Adults and non violent I would probably make him aware that you have seen it but say it's up to him what he is doing in his private space as long as it doesn't impact on the rest of the family.
It's all down to degrees really the type that was seen years ago on the pay to view channels seems mild these days. Just be glad you are no longer married.

As he is your EX - mind your own business.

I have severe ADD, I certainly require no other person to manage me. I find the notion that those with ADD/ADHD need "help" or that they can't comprehend for themselves -- insulting.

Ailsa43

I'm personally horrified that an ex wife may be about to destroy the image and relationship of a father to his daughter, for something that's perfectly legal and is not harming anyone.. and is none of her business... Shocking !

👏👏👏👏

I'm personally horrified that an ex wife may be about to destroy the image and relationship of a father to his daughter, for something that's perfectly legal and is not harming anyone.. and is none of her business... Shocking !

None of your business, so stay out of his.

I think you have to keep schtum.
But, some years ago I was helping a friend and her daughter clear our the ex husbands house after he died.
We found hoards of paper porn (magazines posters etc) of quite horrible things.
His daughter was so upset by this.
But as she couldnt talk to her father, she felt it was her mother who was at fault for keeping his secret. Even though this wasnt really the case.

Daughter and mother have all but estranged, and I know she went to counselling for the way she felt about her father. As she saw it their relationship was based on a lie.

I'm not trying to frighten you, just pointing out what I think you instinctively feel, that the problem is more complicated than at first it seems.

Good luck.

I just wonder if this is a sneaky way of getting at the ex - perhaps to alienate him and the daughter?

There seems to be some confusion between watchers of pornography and paedophilia.
I despise pornography as it debases women, but viewers are not necessarily a danger to children or babies.
I have no idea whether or not the father of my children watches such - we are divorced, so it's none of my business.

dragonfly46

I think the OP is more worried that the effects of the addiction will spill over to her daughter and her unborn child.
I too would be worried but would leave it for now until the child is born if you are still worried about the effect on your daughter I would mention it to her. She can then decide herself what she should do.

Why? Why would you be worried about something that “may” or may not be happening?

Does the OP think he’ll be watching porn at his DD’s home with her new baby?

It’s all a bit strange tbh

I think the OP is more worried that the effects of the addiction will spill over to her daughter and her unborn child.
I too would be worried but would leave it for now until the child is born if you are still worried about the effect on your daughter I would mention it to her. She can then decide herself what she should do.

I have always assumed that apart from having to have contact with them, an ex is dead to you. That means they would be practically treated like a stranger. Would you be bothered what a stranger got up to?
If your DD voiced concerns to you, that would be a different matter.

Unless the type of porn being viewed is violent, illegal or very disturbing, I’d do and say nothing.

Some people enjoy watching porn, never act on any impulses and just keep it as their guilty secret.

Unless you feel there are safeguarding issues re your daughter and unborn baby, I’d totally back off.

It’s no longer your business, you’re divorced.

It's really nothing to do with you and it's difficult to understand what possible impact it could have on your daughter. You should put your suspicions away and move on.

If he wasn't your Ex but just an acquaintance who you thought was addicted to porn, would you do anything about it?
I am curious about how you discovered too. Could other people your DD knows have hidden vices?
I think you are probably thinking about this too much.

I thought the same easybee just an assumption, based on what?
I wonder if Melinda isn’t getting the responses she expected? As said by all, except Givy it’s non of your business really and watching porn on line doesn’t make a person a paedophile.

I have just noticed: I have just discovered that my Ex MAY be addicted to pornography online.

So you only suspect but are prepared to interfere and involve others.

If he has kept this private and he is harming no-one I would keep out of it.. It is his life and you are stepping into something that is not yours to deal with.. you are obviously shocked by this revelation and you will have to see how your opinion of him changes or whether you can restore your friendship with him.. but don't include your daughter in this issue..

The clue is in the title - EX
No longer any of your business.

You have been divorced for ten years and I would be curious as to how you discovered this addiction. This is absolutely not your business and I cannot imagine any professional intervening on your behalf as you are in no way responsible for your EX-husband's actions.

I would find this totally unacceptable and very disturbing and would have to say something. Would you be happy for him to care for a young grandchild on his own in the future. Sorry if you are sure I would speak to someone.

Keep out of it ....its not your business and not your DDs .....he can still be a good Dad to you DD

My view is you should just ignore it, don't say anything to your daughter no good can come of it and it really is not your concern.
Keep it friendly with your ex but don't get over invested in the things he does.

Sorry Melinda but what does it have to do with you ? Why would it impact on your daughter ? If he’s a good Dad and it sounds like he is why would it have any harmful effects on your daughter ? you don’t approve but that’s your problem
He’s the same person today as he was yesterday
You don’t say how you found out but as a divorced woman you shouldn’t really be knowing anything about his personal life unless it involves you …and it doesn’t

This is not something I can share with her especially since she's pregnant of course you can’t its none of your business at all being pregnant is nothing to do with it it’s NOT your business to share with ANYONE
Get OUT of his affairs