Advice on getting on with my life

I have terrible guilt feelings because I AM getting on with my life …. at long last. I have to remind myself that my children, both in their forties, have lives and families of their own and that I am not the centre of their world as in times long gone by. So, enjoy your time , make the most of it. Have fun !

Ñow is your time to discover all the things that you wanted to do but don't have the time. During covid I discovered the x box and now consider myself a gamer. Love it at 61. I've got a hula hoop I play with for fun. I too have dogs we do litter picks on walks. I write poetry for me, just to keep my brain active. Find your inner child and have fun,

The power to do something about this lies solely with you, not your family. Do you need to be needed? That is co-dependency and if you recognise this in yourself you can take steps to address it.
As you seem to have plenty of other things in your life, as well as a family who appear to value you and are available to you, try to stop feeling sorry for yourself and be grateful for what you have.
I have no partner and one daughter (no grandchildren, yet…) but am totally fulfilled with friends, interests and my dog.

Join U3A
Volunteer at a foodbank
Volunteer in a charity shop
Volunteer in a primary school and help with reading
Join a book club
Join a walking group

I’ve said, for some time now, retirement is a very different land. Personally, I don’t have children so no grandchildren either. I worked full time, shifts mostly, from the age of 15. Hubby worked during my first years of being retired…he’s retired now so I an sympathise with his early stages of retirement.
I wound up with questions in my mind of…..what now! What is my life focus? Etc!
However, I’m sorted with it now. My purpose in life, now, is to enjoy ……to help hubby enjoy….. to see the enjoyment in things….that basic premise of live, laugh and love.
So….you don’t have to fit in…….the lives of your children and grandchildren will be changing as they progress through their passage of life. If it was me….I would stay interested, know what they are interested in without interfering in it. Using zoom and Facebook etc can keep you connected to all of them. What are you interested in…..hobbies, charity work, learning. What things did you ‘always want to do’? Maybe now is the time to do them. My husband and I still go on dates….a lovely meal out at a local restaurant together.
Retirement is a strange land with no map to guide you….have fun.

Get out and about, go for a walk, do some volunteering you are bound to meet new people. Fr goodness sake I'm 83 been a widow for 17 years, I decided to just get on with life. I have three sons, four grandsons and three great-grandchildren, none live nearby, I see them from time to time. I am so grateful to have lived to this age.

I'm in the same boat. I look after my disabled adult son, but still feel lonely and trying to fill my day everyday. Carers allowance doesn't go far, so no money for holidays treats etc. Just feel like I'm existing some days, waiting for god! X

I "get " you Lippy Queen

Being a naturally selfish person, I put myself first now, health wise, socially, emotionally etc. and focus on the things that have meaning in my life. I spent a life time putting everyone else first and feel my job is done. They have either passed on, have had a darn good education, had all my free time when they were young to be there for them, and can now go and make their own decisions and let me watch BBC4, listen to Radio 4, paint when I want and go out for tea and cake.

You sound as if you have more than enough to keep you going in fact you have what sounds like a very favourable life that you enjoy
Although I missed my children as they went I never really suffered the empty nest syndrome I guess because I was busy holding down a wonderful job and keeping a strong eye on my elderly parents
Now all my grandkids (7) are out at work and moving on with life I ve only ever felt happiness for them whilst of course missing the ‘looking after them ‘ times but life has to move on and I accept that, I ve never mourned the past times
I live alone, stay busy, talk a lot to anyone and everyone and keep in touch with all my children two who live overseas and just get on with getting on
I d definitely try to stop going over the past and enjoy the present it goes all too quickly

Thank you everyone. I do lots of things every day. I volunteer in our local community shop. I do reformer Pilates and I belong to a book club. I meet friends for lunch/coffee etc. my husband and I travel as much as funds allow and I went to Australia in January to see my other family. I should be extremely thankful and I try to be.. this feeling is inside and every so often comes to the surface. I think it is something that a lot of ladies feel and dates back to when our children were totally dependent on us for everything! I also have a lovely dog who is dependent on us and keeps us busy and also makes sure we go out exercising every day. You are all right. I should stop pondering and get on with life. I will try!

Feel proud of what you have achieved - independent children. They are fine and getting on with their lives. Now is your chance to enjoy your own life and do things just for you. You've earned it.

Join the U3A. There is everything there for you.

Surely, you have interests apart from your family?

And a trade, profession before you retired?

If you were a stay-at-home wife who devoted herself to bringing up children and running a house, then it is high time you joined something:

a book club, a film club, a political party, a charitable organisation -they always need volunteers, as will your local museum, art gallery, animal shelter etc.

If sports interest you, and you are physically fit, walk, play tennis or badminton, swim, ride a bike, preferably with others so you increase your circle of friends and acquaintances.

Handicrafts? Sew or knit for a charity. Photograph wild-life.

lippyqueen you have permission to get on with the rest of your life.
Here is your ticket to your future .🏷️
It comes with all best wishes, so open the box and jump right on in there! 🎁

NotSpaghetti

It is "your time".

Please grab hold of it whilst you can!

Yes! Do this!

Go visit your Australian grandchildren and have stop off to other places on the way. If you can afford it of course, but then you can take out a loan!

I do understand how you feel because I was like this after retiring from work, but eventually you move forward. Think of the things that makes you most afraid and go and do that!

Everything else will be a picnic after that!

So what are you doing with your time at present?

It is "your time".

Please grab hold of it whilst you can!

Correction - and so get more from it.

I get this.
Have felt something similar on occasion, is not uncommon in women particularly who have spent their lives looking after a family/ageing parents etc.
I actively looked for things to do, volunteered which was a fantastic way to meet others and make new friends as well as feel useful, and we have travelled a lot - on a budget of course but it can be done using no frills airlines etc. - again meeting other people some of whom we still communicate with years later.
Start a list now of the things you are going to do to improve your life and do get more from it.
You can do this. Is your time.

lippyqueen you are in charge of your life!
Get on with it - only you can change yourself.
Nobody else is changing - they are all (thankfully) fine.
Just make yourself do things for you.

Enjoy things/places you haven't done/been to before.
Enjoy the time you have with your partner.
I know my parents both died young but they truly enjoyed the time they had together..
💐

Maybe for some people, that empty nest feeling never leaves?

I think you need a bit of a re-think. You can’t turn back the clock and you could have another 20+ years lying ahead.
I’m a few years older than you, live on my own now and I can honestly say that time flies.
What sort of things do you get up to during the day? Reading the Good Morning thread shows plenty of ways other GN’s fill their days.
I think it’s time to put your big girls’ pants on - it’s only you who can change things. Of course, you’ll always be on hand to help your family, but those years of being ‘involved’ have gone and you should start the next chapter of your life.

Hope you get some useful replies here.

Sorry- seek whose permission?