Never a cross word.

Keepingquiet, I attended a funeral not so long ago, in which the vicar praised the devotion of the couple and the length of their marriage. We had realised during the wife's final illness that an utter lack of care towards the woman was actually what the marriage consisted of.

We've known each other for 60 years and have never had a row. We discuss, compromise, and find balance. We both hate raised voices, insults, and disharmony and prefer brainstorming and pooling of ideas to achieve a mutual decision. There have been moments when the outside world has caused waves but never within our own four walls. But then again our motto is what can we bring to the table rather than what can we take from it.

Mmm... the wife may have had a different perspective.

When my marriage ended I was told by my church minister that he had been invited to a 50th wedding celebration, and that the wife took him on one side after all the speeches and toasts etc had been made.

She told him quite simply that she would have left him if she could.I've never forgotten that story, and often when I see couple celebrating in this way I wonder, 'What's really going on?'

As the late queen said, “Recollections may vary”.

I think this applies at wedding anniversary celebrations and also sometimes (sadly) at funerals.

First??

I thought I typed doormat

MissInterpreted

In my (many) years as a journalist, I often had to interview couple celebrating big anniversaries, such as Golden or Diamond weddings, and from time to time, you would get a couple who claimed that they'd never had a cross word. I'd always think 'well, either you're lying - or one of you is a complete doormat'. I agree with Galaxy on this - it can't be healthy to never have argued or disagreed to some extent.

Just what was going to say, that if they never had a cross word or disagreement then one of them must be a first!

Yes, we have disagreements. DH still can't get out of the habit of managing and I do not like to be managed. Mostly I just ignore it but not always.

I never, ever heard my parents swear or argue much although my father would occasionally slam the back door, muttering 'Damn and blast!!' and go out to his greenhouse. My mother would then mutter under her breath about him.

I had an aunt who claimed that she and her husband never argued.
I went to a family get together organised by this aunt and her husband and I had to go back for my coat. As I went up to the front door I could hear the husband shouting and my aunt just quietly replying "Yes dear".

As it takes two to make an argument, I suppose she was telling the truth.

crazyH

*Tizliz*- we too argued from Day 1. But you’re still married. I’m not…😂

54 years - but it’s been a bit close at times 😁

I have just had a massive post vanish with the words "aw snap!" - I won't write it all again but yes, my parents' friends celebrated 50 years "without an argument".

They were both really gentle loving people. Very witty and laughed a lot. They treated everyone the same whatever their "status" in life.

They had two sons. One just like them and one very unpleasant and rather grasping.

I loved them a lot. They were great friends with my parents for many years.

MissInterpreted

In my (many) years as a journalist, I often had to interview couple celebrating big anniversaries, such as Golden or Diamond weddings, and from time to time, you would get a couple who claimed that they'd never had a cross word. I'd always think 'well, either you're lying - or one of you is a complete doormat'. I agree with Galaxy on this - it can't be healthy to never have argued or disagreed to some extent.

Yeah!
I do know two couples, married for quite a few years now, but nothing like 50, who say that they never argue.I believe them as both women are total doormats.

Tizliz- we too argued from Day 1. But you’re still married. I’m not…😂

My parents never argued, but living with them one became attuned to recognising when there was a difference of opinion, by what wasn't said rather than what was.

Obviously I am partly justifying my own endless whinging within marriage! but I listened to a psychologist discussing marriage the other day and the importance of not postponing disagreement.

I never heard my parents arguing, it was a shock when I got married as we have argued from day one.

In my (many) years as a journalist, I often had to interview couple celebrating big anniversaries, such as Golden or Diamond weddings, and from time to time, you would get a couple who claimed that they'd never had a cross word. I'd always think 'well, either you're lying - or one of you is a complete doormat'. I agree with Galaxy on this - it can't be healthy to never have argued or disagreed to some extent.

I would say that's not a functioning marriage I am afraid.

Rarely row, both of us hate rows, but certainly bicker and disagree on things.

I can imagine nothing worse than a marriage where you agree on everything. How on earth can you reach considered views on any topic if someone doesn't listen critically to what you say and then put alternatives.

We are a family that enjoy elbows on the table discussions on everything from news, to cooking to frankly ridiculous topics.

V3ra

After 47 years of marriage I'd say we no longer have arguments, more a robust debate. We both know that a measure of compromise will be needed and seem to get there without actually falling out.

Amusingly, our little dog Alfie always comes and sits by me, leaning against my leg during these conversations 🐕
It's a running joke that he knows whose side he's on and who's right! 🤣

After we got our dog, he used to shake whenever voices were raised, so the Bodach and I stopped having arguments!

We had our arguments mostly with me telling him that he was wrong and I was right.

Cross words don’t have to be full on rows. I can’t believe they never had a moan or niggle in all that time.
Must have been a boring relationship .

I do know a couple who I would believe have never had cross words. They appear to have no ambitions outside of their family, go everywhere together, appear to like most of the same things and seem to do so very happily and gently. Whether they married because they felt like that or just grew together over the years, who knows. I've been told their daughter and son in law are just the same as them.

I've only known them about ten years, so it's possible they spent 60 years before that yelling at each other but I'm doubtful. To be honest, I can't imagine one without the other - they're more Darby and Joan than Darby and Joan.

Not a relationship I can imagine myself in, or anyone else I know.

I would think that anyone who said in a Golden Wedding speech or at their spouse's funeral that they had never had a cross word, was conforming to what he or she felt was correct behaviour.

Most of our generation were taught not to wash our dirty linen in public, after all.

If anyone had asked me on the day of my husband's funeral, I would have answered truthfully that he and I had had blazing rows on many occasions, but then talked the matter through, made up and got on with our life together. Neither my sisters-in-law, their husbands nor our son would have believed me if I had said we never had had a cross word - DS would have died of laughter! And one of my husband's sisters if not them both would have called me a liar to my face!

Cannot believe it myself!

I certainly had my moments who agrees with someone they live with 24/7, it must be very boring.

I don’t believe it for a minute.