Daughter ignores us unless she needs us to babysit

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Perfect advice Smileless.

I'm not surprised it feels manipulative Nana because it is and as long as you're prepared to be treated this way, it will continue; they're the ones who should be grateful, not you.

Why not suggest that your GD sleeps over then her parents can collect her the next day. As for your s.i.l's rudeness, tell him that you wont tolerate it.

Start 2025 as you mean to go on; a loving and supportive mum, GM and m.i.l. but not a door mat. Good luck.

There's not much you can do about other people's selfishness and ingratitude. My old grandma had a saying which she rolled out on many a difficult occasion: "Don't let other people's rudeness dictate how you behave." So I agree with your husband - try not to let it get to you but, if it does, try to rise above it like a swan treading choppy water. Hard to do but good luck with it anyway.

I am struggling with this as well. I have watched my grandaughter since she was an infant and we have a strong bond. But my SIL has been increasingly rude and both he and my daughter think I should always babysit at their house (an hour away) since it is more convenient for them. Driving in the dark and in bad weather (winter +snow) is challenging for me. I feel very taken for granted. But I am constantly reminded by both of them how "grateful" I should be to be able to watch her. It feels manipulative.

I am feeling hurt. I have two daughters and feel I give so much but get nothing back. My eldest rarely contacts me, she lives an hour and a half away. I have stepped back thinking she would miss me but nothing after 3 weeks …. My youngest who lives local who we do so much for as she is a single mum again we give but not much back. Why are our AC so selfish. All very hard.

Monica I think what you say is true, I used to sit and child mind whenever asked for years just so I could be with them. My husband didn't agree with it but agreed as i wanted to see them so much. When no longer needed I was binned pretty swiftly. At least I saw them but knew i was being used. Now my husband is dead and I'm on my own but have plenty of friends.

So true 🤷‍♀️

Your daughter won't change so you will have to. Become too busy to babysit. I think that parents who have a full life and little time for their adult children are better thought of.
When you are always available you will be taken for granted.

Bunnny I am really upset about this. Her dad says don’t let it bother you.

Dad's advice is good. Ignore bad behaviour, live your own happy life.

I agree with Monica! I would pull back and when needed babysitter say no you are doing something else, it’s a shame but so many now are really selfish. Play them at their own game. Why should you put yourself out when it’s clearly one sided

Monica this is so true we spoil our children then they treat us poorly.

Selfish children are usually the product of unselfish parents, who always put their children and their interests first, regardless of anything else.

@Bunny. You are not the hired help, for one thing they couldn’t afford you!
Ease back on the babysitting, let them know you have a life and other things to do, and ask your son to bring your granddaughter round one weekend to spend some time together doing something nice rather than just babysitting. You could invite your DiL as well but phrase it cleverly with your son and say she needs a day off so why doesn’t he come over with your grand daughter, but don’t let him slope off, he is there to be hands on and spend time with both of you.
Don’t wait for your DiL to invite you, and don’t let your son or his wife know this has upset you.
Get on with your lives because life really is too short x

Perhaps you might consider saying 'no' occasionally when she asks you to babysit or even simply ignore her messages for a couple of days in the same way she does yours; she might start seeing. the error of her ways and begin appreciating and respecting you more. Don't be a doormat.

This has happened to us a couple of tkmes now . When we were giving childcare we woukd see them twice weekly but now DGS is at school and in laws have moved nearby we hardly see them at all . I dont let it bother me but I wont let it happen again . I also am careful not to cut my nose off to spite my face .I will only offer childcare if I' m actually enjoying it myself .

The last time I mentioned about not getting a birthday day card she got angry and sent one a week late from moon pig. Then the next year it went back to no cards. The sad thing is my husband has the same birthday has our granddaughter

Have you asked your daughter why you doesn't give you a birthday card?
Have you tried talking to her about hurt you feel?

Don't bottle it up. Tell her just what you have just told us.
That's what I would do if she was my daughter.

BigBopper

Join the club, that is exactly what has happened to me. I could have written the post myself.

Our son visits me every so many weeks and brings our granddaughter to see me. I have not seen our daughter in law since last year. I have not asked why I don't get invited to their home as I no longer care and as long as I see our granddaughter and son, my daughter in law can go to hell.

I do not talk about her to my son and he does not mention it either. I always invite them and our other son and his family to my home (my husband died a few years ago) when I throw a party for my birthday and she always luckily there is no unpleasentness as I am busy doing things.

This is how it is, I am in my 80's and life is too short to be worrying about if someone likes me or not. Both our sons are great and our other sons wife is fantastic but we never discuss family problems when we are together.

If my husband was alive perhaps things would be different as he would have wanted to know what the problem was but I am not like that, I know I have done such a lot for them when they first married and then had a child, helping them out with money and childminding so for the life of me I have no idea what I have done wrong.

Reading your posts, you sound like you
are strong minded, call a spade, a spade, she is probably secretly in awe of you & possibly very jealous if that makes sense-
We have exactly this going on with my SIL- I can’t say anymore than this- but. know exactly how you feel

I agree with Smileless - Not all sons are prepared to maintain their relationship with their parent(s) in such circumstances. - you have a good loyal son BigPopper

Smileless2012

It's good that you continue to see your son and GD despite his wife BigBopper. Not all son's are prepared to maintain their relationship with their parent(s) in such circumstances.

I am a person who is not bothered whether I am liked or not. I have no idea what I have done wrong or if I have even done anything wrong, but again, I do not care one way or another. Our son must think the same as he would not visit me with our granddaughter because she loves to visit me and there is no tension between me and our son, he always stays a few hours, has lunch and afternoon tea and just chats about things in general.

Ignore her, she calls you when she wants something, so I dought it is you, she is just entitled. She does not want to make an effort.

Patsy70
The OP has told us that her husband is no longer with us.

Why are these AC so selfish and self centred?