Daughter ignores us unless she needs us to babysit

Selfish aren’t they? Adult children. Not all but quite a few.

Really don’t let it spoil your life.
Step right back and enjoy your H and your own happiness.

I am sorry your D is treating you so badly Bunny, my advice is to stop messaging her and trying to initiate contact. I understand that you'll be missing your GD but your D's behaviour is unacceptable and you shouldn't tolerate it.

Join the club, that is exactly what has happened to me. I could have written the post myself.

Our son visits me every so many weeks and brings our granddaughter to see me. I have not seen our daughter in law since last year. I have not asked why I don't get invited to their home as I no longer care and as long as I see our granddaughter and son, my daughter in law can go to hell.

I do not talk about her to my son and he does not mention it either. I always invite them and our other son and his family to my home (my husband died a few years ago) when I throw a party for my birthday and she always luckily there is no unpleasentness as I am busy doing things.

This is how it is, I am in my 80's and life is too short to be worrying about if someone likes me or not. Both our sons are great and our other sons wife is fantastic but we never discuss family problems when we are together.

If my husband was alive perhaps things would be different as he would have wanted to know what the problem was but I am not like that, I know I have done such a lot for them when they first married and then had a child, helping them out with money and childminding so for the life of me I have no idea what I have done wrong.

It's good that you continue to see your son and GD despite his wife BigBopper. Not all son's are prepared to maintain their relationship with their parent(s) in such circumstances.

In hindsight, you should have told her off when this behaviour started. It is a little late to expect anything to change now.

I myself would tell her next time that she wants a babysitter, that I was engaged that day with people who don't just want me to do things for them, but actually seem to enjoy my company!

Honestly, what’s wrong with some of these rude and selfish, entitled AC!

I have no advice as wouldn’t wish to upset you further, but I’m outraged!!

Me too Cossy outrageous is the word. Don’t be so available for your DD Bunny in the future.Babysit now and again to maintain a relationship with your young DGD.

She sounds selfish, ignorant and dreadful! Sorry, but IS blood "thicker than water"?

It is absolutely appalling, and terribly sad, that kind and supportive parents should be treated like this. I’m sure it would be a wrench for you Bunny, and others who are in the same situation, but it is time you started to consider yourselves and became less available. Don’t message her, just get on with your life and enjoy the time you have with your DH - indulge yourselves and spend quality time together. I despair of this behaviour! 💐

Why are these AC so selfish and self centred?

Patsy70
The OP has told us that her husband is no longer with us.

Ignore her, she calls you when she wants something, so I dought it is you, she is just entitled. She does not want to make an effort.

Smileless2012

It's good that you continue to see your son and GD despite his wife BigBopper. Not all son's are prepared to maintain their relationship with their parent(s) in such circumstances.

I am a person who is not bothered whether I am liked or not. I have no idea what I have done wrong or if I have even done anything wrong, but again, I do not care one way or another. Our son must think the same as he would not visit me with our granddaughter because she loves to visit me and there is no tension between me and our son, he always stays a few hours, has lunch and afternoon tea and just chats about things in general.

I agree with Smileless - Not all sons are prepared to maintain their relationship with their parent(s) in such circumstances. - you have a good loyal son BigPopper

BigBopper

Join the club, that is exactly what has happened to me. I could have written the post myself.

Our son visits me every so many weeks and brings our granddaughter to see me. I have not seen our daughter in law since last year. I have not asked why I don't get invited to their home as I no longer care and as long as I see our granddaughter and son, my daughter in law can go to hell.

I do not talk about her to my son and he does not mention it either. I always invite them and our other son and his family to my home (my husband died a few years ago) when I throw a party for my birthday and she always luckily there is no unpleasentness as I am busy doing things.

This is how it is, I am in my 80's and life is too short to be worrying about if someone likes me or not. Both our sons are great and our other sons wife is fantastic but we never discuss family problems when we are together.

If my husband was alive perhaps things would be different as he would have wanted to know what the problem was but I am not like that, I know I have done such a lot for them when they first married and then had a child, helping them out with money and childminding so for the life of me I have no idea what I have done wrong.

Reading your posts, you sound like you
are strong minded, call a spade, a spade, she is probably secretly in awe of you & possibly very jealous if that makes sense-
We have exactly this going on with my SIL- I can’t say anymore than this- but. know exactly how you feel

Don't bottle it up. Tell her just what you have just told us.
That's what I would do if she was my daughter.

Have you asked your daughter why you doesn't give you a birthday card?
Have you tried talking to her about hurt you feel?

The last time I mentioned about not getting a birthday day card she got angry and sent one a week late from moon pig. Then the next year it went back to no cards. The sad thing is my husband has the same birthday has our granddaughter

This has happened to us a couple of tkmes now . When we were giving childcare we woukd see them twice weekly but now DGS is at school and in laws have moved nearby we hardly see them at all . I dont let it bother me but I wont let it happen again . I also am careful not to cut my nose off to spite my face .I will only offer childcare if I' m actually enjoying it myself .

Perhaps you might consider saying 'no' occasionally when she asks you to babysit or even simply ignore her messages for a couple of days in the same way she does yours; she might start seeing. the error of her ways and begin appreciating and respecting you more. Don't be a doormat.

@Bunny. You are not the hired help, for one thing they couldn’t afford you!
Ease back on the babysitting, let them know you have a life and other things to do, and ask your son to bring your granddaughter round one weekend to spend some time together doing something nice rather than just babysitting. You could invite your DiL as well but phrase it cleverly with your son and say she needs a day off so why doesn’t he come over with your grand daughter, but don’t let him slope off, he is there to be hands on and spend time with both of you.
Don’t wait for your DiL to invite you, and don’t let your son or his wife know this has upset you.
Get on with your lives because life really is too short x

Selfish children are usually the product of unselfish parents, who always put their children and their interests first, regardless of anything else.

Monica this is so true we spoil our children then they treat us poorly.