Adult ADHD anyone?

keepingquiet

Here is a link to the NHS website describing symptoms of ADHD, in particular a list relating to adults further down the linked page.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/symptoms/

Hithere I don't want to give the impression I am my son's doormat. I was taken aback by crazyH's response.
My son has led a complicated life I don't want to go into details but let's just say there are no plans for him to move out as he can't afford to. This is part of the profile that he has always struggled to function. He now works to support his daughter who lives with a very entitled mum (that's another story).
I try not to enable him, which is why I'm at the end of my tether as he's written off his car and won't be able to work. The situation is unsustainable. I'm looking for help for him and for myself.
Norah- thankyou. He may not need or want medication but a diagnosis may at least help.

I have ADD.

Always have had, everyone always knew I had slightly less focus. In my family we all attended Catholic School, the sweet nuns easily told me to pay attention, focus, sit still in my chair - at the table.

I know strategies, have known since I was 10, I don't take the tablets because I see no purpose for me. I easily cope well.

However, since I began writing this, I got distracted - walked the dog, changed my shoes twice, and washed dog floor. Tablets? Not me.

It’s worth your son asking the GP. I think it’s psychologists who assess for neurodivergence such as ADHD. Not everyone grows out of ADHD. Diagnosis can help with understanding and treatment. My adult son has learning disability but also adhd - ( diagnosed as a child so I’m out of date with that side now) - for him the right medication can help him function. He too is ( learning to be ) a gardener! I’ve heard there are very long delays for adults awaiting diagnosis. Some areas have specialist adult adhd/ ASC clinics.
I don’t know how best to bring the subject up with your son- perhaps read about adult adhd and executive function yourself.

He could start talking to his gp so he is guided to the proper help he needs

I am thinking minimum- psychologist or psychiatrist if he is referred for meds

As for
"He doesn't have a wife to look after every aspect of his life- but I seem to have taken on that role!"
My jaw dropped

Please do not tell me you believe you believe he needs a wife on such a way
He needs to function in society by himself, women do not get married to mommy another adult kid

You are enabling him and doing him a disservice

He needs to learn coping mechanisms to be independent

When is he moving out?

The cupboard thing is interesting as my son never shuts a cupboard door. Everytime I go in the kitchen doors are open! I don't often go in his room but when I do his cupboard doors are open! I don't think he even sees the point of shutting them.
Doodledog- the plastic bag thing is so him! Bags all over the place and he's no idea what's in them-he has zero organisational skills. It is refreshing for me to read this. Some people might say he's reverting to teenage behaviour since he came home but he's 40 years old! There's far more to it than that. Thanks for your suggestion about a private diagnosis, but where would we start?
He isn't working tomorrow so I may broach the topic in a roundabout way and test the water.

It is absolutely possible in adults. It's only since I've had two grandchildren diagnosed that I've understood some of my problems. I'm definitely unable to do anything before an appointment Doodledog and after spending a morning thinking about the appointment I will probably still be late for it. At the age of 78 I still can't organise my time efficiently. One minute I've got an hour to get ready, the next I've lost half an hour and everything is a mad panic. I won't even start on the projects I have taken up and then abandoned.

He will for the NHS, and waiting lists are long. Private diagnosis is expensive but if he is diagnosed as having it he can get medication on the NHS if that's what he wants to do.

I have lots of ADD traits (not hyperactivity, which the H stands for). I veer between being very focussed and scatterbrained, I stop and start things to the point where I annoy myself (eg I have numerous half-knitted things on the go), I get easily distracted, which means it can take me ages to do simple tasks (unless I am focussed in which case I am very efficient). There are other things that are typical of people with ADD, such as being unable to do anything before an appointment. I make them for early morning now I realise, as if I have a 2.00pm appointment I can't use the time before it productively at all and the day is wasted. I have no sense of direction, possibly because I don't pay attention, and I create Doom Piles - eg carrier bags filled with assorted items when I 'tidy up', and cupboards that are like junk drawers inside.

I haven't had a diagnosis, as I can't see the point at my age. I've just developed strategies to deal with it, and am kinder to myself than I used to be. I know people who take medication for it, and they swear by it, but they are all younger than me, with jobs and families to juggle.

Hithere- what sort of professional would deal with this? Would he need a GP referral?

crazyH-Yes, I get annoyed at labels too! I was very surprised with my DD mentioned it (it isn't the first time) but I can't put it down to laziness. He works very hard but can never hold down a job. My son is not highly qualified (he's a gardener) and struggled all the way through school. He doesn't have a wife to look after every aspect of his life- but I seem to have taken on that role!

Thankyou Greyisnotmycolour- he does live in chaos. Last week he lost his phone twice then had a car accident (unhurt thankfully) and although this isn't typical I am sick of him leaving his keys behind. In the past few weeks he does seem to be getting worse. Maybe there is something in what my daughter says after all? I wish I knew what to do.

Adhd is very possible in adults

Nobody here can diagnose him by some simple posts - he has to go to a professional if he chooses to do so

It definitely continues into adulthood. So many adults who live in chaos have ADHD. It's not just a matter of being slovany or lazy, they just can't follow through, organise, keep to routines like others can. I think the main benefit of a diagnosis would be being able to access appropriate help once you know what the issue is.

All these labels 😫 I really get so annoyed. Every few years, something new comes out. Your son is probably just clumsy. A label of ADHD will probably do him more harm than good. I understand your concerns. My youngest son, who is a highly qualified professional, is constantly losing things. As a matter of fact, I found his Debit Card on the drive. His wife looks after every aspect of his life. I’m sure he doesn’t have ADHD.