Adult ADHD anyone?

All these labels 😫 I really get so annoyed. Every few years, something new comes out. Your son is probably just clumsy. A label of ADHD will probably do him more harm than good. I understand your concerns. My youngest son, who is a highly qualified professional, is constantly losing things. As a matter of fact, I found his Debit Card on the drive. His wife looks after every aspect of his life. I’m sure he doesn’t have ADHD.

It definitely continues into adulthood. So many adults who live in chaos have ADHD. It's not just a matter of being slovany or lazy, they just can't follow through, organise, keep to routines like others can. I think the main benefit of a diagnosis would be being able to access appropriate help once you know what the issue is.

Adhd is very possible in adults

Nobody here can diagnose him by some simple posts - he has to go to a professional if he chooses to do so

crazyH-Yes, I get annoyed at labels too! I was very surprised with my DD mentioned it (it isn't the first time) but I can't put it down to laziness. He works very hard but can never hold down a job. My son is not highly qualified (he's a gardener) and struggled all the way through school. He doesn't have a wife to look after every aspect of his life- but I seem to have taken on that role!

Thankyou Greyisnotmycolour- he does live in chaos. Last week he lost his phone twice then had a car accident (unhurt thankfully) and although this isn't typical I am sick of him leaving his keys behind. In the past few weeks he does seem to be getting worse. Maybe there is something in what my daughter says after all? I wish I knew what to do.

Hithere- what sort of professional would deal with this? Would he need a GP referral?

He will for the NHS, and waiting lists are long. Private diagnosis is expensive but if he is diagnosed as having it he can get medication on the NHS if that's what he wants to do.

I have lots of ADD traits (not hyperactivity, which the H stands for). I veer between being very focussed and scatterbrained, I stop and start things to the point where I annoy myself (eg I have numerous half-knitted things on the go), I get easily distracted, which means it can take me ages to do simple tasks (unless I am focussed in which case I am very efficient). There are other things that are typical of people with ADD, such as being unable to do anything before an appointment. I make them for early morning now I realise, as if I have a 2.00pm appointment I can't use the time before it productively at all and the day is wasted. I have no sense of direction, possibly because I don't pay attention, and I create Doom Piles - eg carrier bags filled with assorted items when I 'tidy up', and cupboards that are like junk drawers inside.

I haven't had a diagnosis, as I can't see the point at my age. I've just developed strategies to deal with it, and am kinder to myself than I used to be. I know people who take medication for it, and they swear by it, but they are all younger than me, with jobs and families to juggle.

It is absolutely possible in adults. It's only since I've had two grandchildren diagnosed that I've understood some of my problems. I'm definitely unable to do anything before an appointment Doodledog and after spending a morning thinking about the appointment I will probably still be late for it. At the age of 78 I still can't organise my time efficiently. One minute I've got an hour to get ready, the next I've lost half an hour and everything is a mad panic. I won't even start on the projects I have taken up and then abandoned.

The cupboard thing is interesting as my son never shuts a cupboard door. Everytime I go in the kitchen doors are open! I don't often go in his room but when I do his cupboard doors are open! I don't think he even sees the point of shutting them.
Doodledog- the plastic bag thing is so him! Bags all over the place and he's no idea what's in them-he has zero organisational skills. It is refreshing for me to read this. Some people might say he's reverting to teenage behaviour since he came home but he's 40 years old! There's far more to it than that. Thanks for your suggestion about a private diagnosis, but where would we start?
He isn't working tomorrow so I may broach the topic in a roundabout way and test the water.

He could start talking to his gp so he is guided to the proper help he needs

I am thinking minimum- psychologist or psychiatrist if he is referred for meds

As for
"He doesn't have a wife to look after every aspect of his life- but I seem to have taken on that role!"
My jaw dropped

Please do not tell me you believe you believe he needs a wife on such a way
He needs to function in society by himself, women do not get married to mommy another adult kid

You are enabling him and doing him a disservice

He needs to learn coping mechanisms to be independent

When is he moving out?

It’s worth your son asking the GP. I think it’s psychologists who assess for neurodivergence such as ADHD. Not everyone grows out of ADHD. Diagnosis can help with understanding and treatment. My adult son has learning disability but also adhd - ( diagnosed as a child so I’m out of date with that side now) - for him the right medication can help him function. He too is ( learning to be ) a gardener! I’ve heard there are very long delays for adults awaiting diagnosis. Some areas have specialist adult adhd/ ASC clinics.
I don’t know how best to bring the subject up with your son- perhaps read about adult adhd and executive function yourself.

I have ADD.

Always have had, everyone always knew I had slightly less focus. In my family we all attended Catholic School, the sweet nuns easily told me to pay attention, focus, sit still in my chair - at the table.

I know strategies, have known since I was 10, I don't take the tablets because I see no purpose for me. I easily cope well.

However, since I began writing this, I got distracted - walked the dog, changed my shoes twice, and washed dog floor. Tablets? Not me.

Hithere I don't want to give the impression I am my son's doormat. I was taken aback by crazyH's response.
My son has led a complicated life I don't want to go into details but let's just say there are no plans for him to move out as he can't afford to. This is part of the profile that he has always struggled to function. He now works to support his daughter who lives with a very entitled mum (that's another story).
I try not to enable him, which is why I'm at the end of my tether as he's written off his car and won't be able to work. The situation is unsustainable. I'm looking for help for him and for myself.
Norah- thankyou. He may not need or want medication but a diagnosis may at least help.

keepingquiet

Here is a link to the NHS website describing symptoms of ADHD, in particular a list relating to adults further down the linked page.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/symptoms/

I'm not dismissing anyone's issues, and I don't understand anything much, but really aren't these things normal?

Or perhaps there are lots of undiagnosed people? (Lots never diagnosed, apparently)

I'd always imagined that it's just human diversity, but it seems not.

I'm interested to know what alerted people that they may be neuro diverse?

Looking at the things mentioned in here I could well have ADD, but I’ve coped with the issues and developed strategies that work -to a certain extent.
I do not want to take more medications, so I’m reluctant to think about getting a label.
If you think it might help your son I’d go for it. It won’t happen soon though.

MissAdventure- are these things normal? Yes to a certain extent, but no to others. This is the reason many don't seek help. They live with it. Now I have to live with it and it is impacting on me- this is why I also have to seek help. It is quite a serious business regarding his inability to support himself and making bad financial decisions. He just isn't coping with life right now. His father also had a breakdown at this age and I had to deal with that too.
Mollygo- it is ruining his life and now impacting on mine. He is really struggling and no one is helping. I will try to have a conversation with him today. Thankyou.

This so resonates! Already I’m delighted to learn the tactical advice of morning appointments although somehow I knew I didn’t like afternoon ones. My DD told me that she has it to a degree and most definitely it is from me. I know without official diagnosis this is the case. So much of my life now slots into place from childhood to now.
I’d suggest trying to assist with the problem areas if possible. If of course he is happy to acknowledge that this is what is the problem.

Three generations in our family; me, my son and grandson.

We have known since long before it beame fashionable to be neurally diverse, as it is at the moment, that this was a family problem. DS and I were both diagnosed with dyspraxia nearly 40 years ago and the realisation that we had ADHD, ADD in son's case, followed a few years later. Now he and DGS are waiting formal diagnosis.

keepingquiet How I recognise the inability to remember car keys. DS's wife stands at the door each morning and says to DS Keys? wallet? phone? ' and he goes back to get what he has forgotten.

However, I agree with getting advice and help. The first port of call is the GP who can refer him for diagnosis. Unfortunately in many places the list is so long he is unlikely to be seen this century. You can get a private diagnosis, but this will cost about £1,000 (the going rate in my neck of the woods).

In the meanwhile both of you read up about it. Understanding the problem is an immense help. Look at websites and forums.

Even without being on medication, he could do a lot to help himself. Self-management from understanding the problem can take him a long way. But first see a doctor and get a referral.

keepingquiet, one of my sons In law was diagnosed at the age of 36. He was diagnosed adhd and prescribed medications. He stopped taking them because of side effects.
The diagnosis helped as these things often do. Self management along with simple things like a week planner on the kitchen wall sets out which days he’s doing the school run for eg. A very small thing in ‘ordinary’ life

MissAdventure

I'm not dismissing anyone's issues, and I don't understand anything much, but really aren't these things normal?

Or perhaps there are lots of undiagnosed people? (Lots never diagnosed, apparently)

I'd always imagined that it's just human diversity, but it seems not.

I'm interested to know what alerted people that they may be neuro diverse?

To an extent it is human diversity - everyone is different .

As I said, I haven't got (and probably won't get) a diagnosis, but knowing there is a reason is really helpful. I was always told I was lazy, disorganised and useless. I knew this was unfair, but I was always losing things and would get 'frozen' and unable to make progress. To the naked eye it would look like laziness, but for a lot of the time I was working full-time, running a house and studying, which a lazy person wouldn't.

Now I have strategies, such as the morning appointments thing, and can be a lot easier on myself. I know that if I get stressed I'm much worse (getting distracted, forgetting things and so on) so I try to prepare ahead of time. Things still go wrong, but instead of beating myself up I can tell myself it's the ADD.

crazyH No ADHD is not a label ADHD is a diagnosis. Would you describe cancer as a 'label? ADHD has been known about for over a century, and children and adults have been diagnosed with it throughout that time.

Unfortunately medecine, like everything else is prone to fashions. Most of us on GN over a certain age almost definitely had their tonsils out, in its time seen as the immediate response to the child who had a couple of attacks of tonsellitis.. Now doctors just refuse t take tonsils out no matter how often a child has tonsellitis At one point most little boys were circumcised. Currently mental health is beginning to get the attention it deserves, and while neural diversity is not a mental health problem, it is currently the fashionable problem to have

Once you have a diagnosis you can start to deal with the problem. yes, of course some people will just lie around, look pathetic and use the diagnosis it as an excuse to do nothing and justify turning themselves into victims. But most of us know someone with a quite minor physical illnesses who use it as an excuse for never doing anything they do not want to do.

Most people with an ADHD diagnosis see it as an enablement that helps them deal with their problems because they understand why they are as they are and can develop strategies to cope with them.

Clumsiness can be dyspraxia, as I said DS and I were diagnosed with that 40 years, but the problems it causes are much more complex than just clumsiness. It affects capacity to learn skills requiring coordination. For me, learning to drive and passing my test was a long haul.

I also have problems now with using a smart phone, nothing to do with being old and not understanding technology, but when your fingers only approximately touch the tiny icon they are meant to touch, when your mind says a sequence of numbers and your fingers reorder them, to name but a few. ADHD is the same, it is so much more than just lack of concentration and absence mindedness.

MissAdventure

I'm not dismissing anyone's issues, and I don't understand anything much, but really aren't these things normal?

Or perhaps there are lots of undiagnosed people? (Lots never diagnosed, apparently)

I'd always imagined that it's just human diversity, but it seems not.

I'm interested to know what alerted people that they may be neuro diverse?

Well, I thought I was fairly normal (please note I said fairly) apart from being extremely clumsy, until I read this thread.

Most of us have some traits but it is perhaps when they control us rather than we control them that problems arise.

I've only experience of people with learning disabilities as well as a.d.d. and other issues, so I expect I have seen the more noticable effects.

I'm fascinated, though.

I can see why, if it impacts others, as keepingquiet says, a diagnosis is helpful. It must be difficult to live with, for everyone.

Crazy H, believe me and others on GN , ADHD is not just a label . It is a condition that needs addressing, it causes immense distress to the person and their loved ones. I have a GS diognosed in childhood and now a young adult - he has tremendous difficulty in organizing his life and he hates it!! Also have a nephew in his 40s , not diognosed but family fairly sure he has ADHD. Please don't dismiss symptoms as someone who is lazy and needs to get their act together? If you or a loved one had a diognosis you would be more empathetic.