Lonely

BlueBelle has said just what I wanted to say.

My mum used to say that people need something to hang their week
on.

I m sorry if I repeat myself but volunteering probably saved my life, (not literally, I d never harm myself for my families sake) but I was very low after my parents both died within 6 months of each other, I saw no real future, children grown and flown, retired against my wishes, living alone ….it took me a year to listen to my daughter and try voluntary work but I did and I ve never ever looked back I get so much out of it (and give a lot back) I ve made acquaintances, a couple of good friends, I chat to all sorts of people I ve been out to meals with them feel helpful I feel needed ( I know I am) and it’s been a total life saver and opened up my old age

There are loads of different organisations looking for help there’s something to suit everyone and I can’t believe there isn’t something for you

I reckon it takes about a year of just turning up to get to know people well but once you have done that, you become part of the group if it is your kind of group.

I don't think it takes a whole year but it foes take longer than people think.

I'd definitely consider an activity you enjoy and then persist with it.
Even things you don't entirely enjoy can lead to making friends. I joined a local hotel gym with a pool. It's not because I really enjoy it but because I'm so unfit and feel some exercise is better than none. I make myself go swimming about three times a week. I've met so many people there that I'm comfortable with now. One I consider a friend and have met up with for coffee etc and many more I've stayed after swimming to chat over a drink.

The aqua aerobics group go out for a meal together regularly and have asked me to join them.

You have to find something to commit to for yourself.
The advantage of this hotel gym is it is small and regularly used by the same members. It won't suit the super-gym types as it has less equipment and not many classes. I thought they were cliquey initially but no, mainly they have just been members for ages!

I can fully understand where you are coming from. I once read that our needs are like buckets that need filling from time to time. I look at my social 'bucket' and often find it very lacking. So many people I meet are cliquey, or have conversation that I find quite frankly depressing - mostly about what they own, cruises, lunches at swanky hotels, and a totally false front. I went to a church group and they were all so good that you did not dare breath for fear of saying the wrong thing, Do you have a local WI group? Or U3A? where you could meet people over shared activities? For me, it seems to work better filling my social bucket if I am doing an activity. Often, people will tolerate less that 'their own kind of people', snarky comments, just to be sociable. Being an introvert, I like to feel fulfilled if I am going to meet up with people and just have a good old chat and laugh. If that is not around I focus on doing a beloved hobby. I reckon it takes about a year of just turning up to get to know people well but once you have done that, you become part of the group if it is your kind of group. Good luck and hope you find your 'tribe' very soon.

Sorry to hear that, Tgran. It sounds to me as if you are feeling depressed as well as lonely. Have you spoken about how you feel to your family or your good friends? That might be a start.