My partner can't stand my daughter

long post! I recently got married after being with my partner for 13 years. When we met my daughter was 21 - she’s now a married 35 yr old mother of 2. (I also have 2 sons) My daughter and I have always been very close. My daughter was definitely jealous when I got with my partner (a woman) and Altho she was never out and out horrible there was definitely something there but I was of the opinion I understood totally and with time etc it would be fine. However over the passed 13 they have seemingly got on said I love you etc and my daughter even calling my partner grandma to her children. At our wedding she did a beautiful speech admitting that yes she had been jealous but she now genuinely loves my partner and can see how happy I am etc. It was a speech from her heart and it was really lovely.

I can’t explain it very quickly but my partner only really sees my daughter maybe 3 times a year. We live abroad and she lives in the Uk. I go to see her every month on my own. I can tell my partner doesn’t really get her especially as she is a hands on mum that everything is done by the book sort of one. She’s very intelligent and married to a Scientist and they just like everything so so as in they look into things for best ways to bring up their children. I obv admire them for this but my partner finds it tricky as she is a laid back parent and wouldn’t dream of for instance letting little ones feed themselves as an example.

The week of the wedding my daughter stayed at a hotel close by as we didn’t have enough bedrooms for them all along with our other children. So they did their own thing but then also came over to the house most afternoons after little ones had naps but as it was a busy week I didn’t really get to spend as much time with them as I would normally like to do. I always planned that on the last day when everyone else had gone my daughter and family were coming to the house and staying with us for the last day evening.

My partner then said she arranged to go out and see friends that night. So obv I said no that’s the only evening MD gets to stay at the house and put the kids to bed etc and sit with us. She then went on how ridiculous it was that they didn't just put the kids down in our room the other evenings and then wake them later to go back to the hotel. I said well they just don’t that’s their way. I was really upset and annoyed but to keep the peace I zipped it but it’s really bugged me ever since as it seemed a little cruel of her to expect me to go out and leave them on the only evening they got to stay with us.

I tried to sort it in my head but the other night I brought it up and said this really has upset me and I need to discuss. She ended up saying she can’t stand my daughter.

I’m so upset and confused and just don’t know what I should do as I am so protective over my kids. I just don’t feel like I want her anywhere near my daughter and grandchildren.

Any thoughts? We are currently not speaking to each other. She said sorry the morning after but now it’s as if I’m in the wrong for not simply accepting an I’m sorry.