Knowing who your friends are.

Indigo8

I had been going to pottery lessons in the town near where I live for some time and I was pleased when, at the beginning of last term another retired woman joined the class who seemed ver pleasant and friendly.

We walked out to the car park together and she suggested that we car share as we both lived west of the town. She told me that her husband needed the car next week so would I mind picking her up and of course I agreed. Her house was about a mile west of mine down an unlit, winding road. I noticed that there were two cars parked in the drive of her large detached house. When I dropped her back the cars were both still in the drive. Her parting words to me were "Next week could you pick me up five minutes earlier, I think you cut it a bit fine this week." I mulled over this but dutifully went to pick her up the following week. Again both cars were there when I picked her up and when I dropped her back. Before she got out of the car she smiled and said "Same time,
same place, next week" I told her that I couldn't pick her up as I was not going to class from my house that week (it was a lie). She looked very put out and replied "But we have an arrangement, I thought we were friends". She has not been back to classes since. I saw by chance in a carpark in town and she pointedly ignored me.

Oh, wow! That is just so typical. Good on you that you took your evasive action. We give people the benefit of the doubt to start off with but see what they give back. to keep it fair.

what a chancer she was Indigo

I am `friends` with a neighbour, she is often away, now widowed and she has two houses to sort but what gets me is that she will put a note on her door asking for deliveries to come to me, not asking me first. Naturally I will help but not without a bit of inner seething

Another person latched onto me at a group I attend, she was new and quickly told me that she does not have a car, I told her that I have a car and enjoy some trips out. She stayed latched until the day I told her that I am training myself to use buses rather than my car. Obviously was a potential chancer

They are everywhere, the energy-takers

I had been going to pottery lessons in the town near where I live for some time and I was pleased when, at the beginning of last term another retired woman joined the class who seemed ver pleasant and friendly.

We walked out to the car park together and she suggested that we car share as we both lived west of the town. She told me that her husband needed the car next week so would I mind picking her up and of course I agreed. Her house was about a mile west of mine down an unlit, winding road. I noticed that there were two cars parked in the drive of her large detached house. When I dropped her back the cars were both still in the drive. Her parting words to me were "Next week could you pick me up five minutes earlier, I think you cut it a bit fine this week." I mulled over this but dutifully went to pick her up the following week. Again both cars were there when I picked her up and when I dropped her back. Before she got out of the car she smiled and said "Same time,
same place, next week" I told her that I couldn't pick her up as I was not going to class from my house that week (it was a lie). She looked very put out and replied "But we have an arrangement, I thought we were friends". She has not been back to classes since. I saw by chance in a carpark in town and she pointedly ignored me.

Tuaim

I made friends with this rather smart lady near where I live. She was full of charm, grace, and froth. I actually believed she was the real deal until, after a few months, she started to unravel. Was always there if the occasion was worthy of her presence i.e. concerts, her regaling her amazing contacts in the higher echelons, cocktail parties, luncheons etc. But, when it came to the everyday, she always had an excuse, was tired, had a headache, was busy. I was dropped like a hot brick when she realised I could not provide her with the contacts and smart locations she sought. Shame, she was a 'nice' person but very shallow. Bitter, moi non! Just wished I had clicked sooner. I am sure she is out there now charming someone to bits with her froth. More fool them!

Froth can be quite nice sometimes. Its when you attach to somebody and they "ghost" you, it hurts.

When my friends DH died I sent her short texts just saying I was there when she was ready and that I was thinking of her. It somehow seemed more direct than a card.

I made friends with this rather smart lady near where I live. She was full of charm, grace, and froth. I actually believed she was the real deal until, after a few months, she started to unravel. Was always there if the occasion was worthy of her presence i.e. concerts, her regaling her amazing contacts in the higher echelons, cocktail parties, luncheons etc. But, when it came to the everyday, she always had an excuse, was tired, had a headache, was busy. I was dropped like a hot brick when she realised I could not provide her with the contacts and smart locations she sought. Shame, she was a 'nice' person but very shallow. Bitter, moi non! Just wished I had clicked sooner. I am sure she is out there now charming someone to bits with her froth. More fool them!

I am from a large family and my friends are my siblings and my AC. My uk sister is my best friend, 100% reliable and trustworthy, we live a few hours apart but we are always there for each other, we speak just about every day.

Two sisters are in Australia, one uk sister was dying from cancer and one aus sister said she would come over and nurse here. It was not needed but that is what my family is like. My brothers would be down here like a shot if I needed them. Every time I need advice about eg tools or a maintenance job, they have the answers

Like the above, `friends` vanished` after they sent the condolence cards. My family is always there, none of us are intrusive, don`t need or want to be in each others pockets but it is the quiet visibility that is important. Two way traffic, them to me and me to them

I wrote to an estranged so called friend recently giving her the choice to contact me. I had received a message from her asking for money and that’s why I ceased messaging her , I even removed her name from my Facebook account knowing she had been cloned but I’m sure she doesn’t understand what’s happened, still she won’t be missed it was always a one sided friendship and she was a bully. Hey ho I’ve got loads of loyal family and friends who care deeply for me and I’m very much loved, it’s really her loss if she doesn’t contact me I can’t do any more 🥹🥹🥹

Struggling to come back with a witty answer to that Biglouis.
What is humanity if we can't help each other out?
Good friends are such a support when things get tough.

We have an old saying in Liverpool that "a friend in need is a bloody nuisance". Sad, but true.

FishandChips15
If being used has happened to you -then I'm really sorry .
I was shocked , then angry now I just feel numb .

silverlining48

In a week or two maybe Kitty.

Good call re timing I think.

Esmay. I could have written your post. It is a horrible feeling to be used and then tossed aside.

silverlining48

Babs I am sorry fir the loss of your friend. A good friend is pure gold.

Thanks for your kind words.
xx

Babs I am sorry fir the loss of your friend. A good friend is pure gold.

I lost a very real and true lifetime friend recently. Though we lived a distance away when we got older, the moment she heard I had suffered a breakdown she was there, not saying anything but just sitting beside me holding my hand as I held hers when she was in the hospice. Friends till the end. I was very lucky 🙏🏾

When my DH died, last year, I certainly went through a learning curve as to who my real friends are.🙄

I certainly have discovered who my real friends are .
I'm sad and sorry to realise that some people latch onto you because you're useful .
I used to be able to get people jobs through my connections .
How they'd suck up to me !
Over the last few years I've realised that so many people are friendly because they are using you in some way and often to make money .

In a week or two maybe Kitty.

I had thought of that fgt2 but when? The funeral was just last week. I don't want to seem stalkery.

FriedGreenTomatoes2

You could send a little “Thinking of You” card kitty? No pressure that way on her part but lets her know you care and would look forward to meeting up again - whenever she feels ready to do so? I would.

I agree...

When cancer struck two of my closest family I certainly learned quickly who my friends were. It was a terrible shock that some, even longstanding friends, just disappeared. Pouff!

You could send a little “Thinking of You” card kitty? No pressure that way on her part but lets her know you care and would look forward to meeting up again - whenever she feels ready to do so? I would.

Drew Chalker wrote a poem in which he said “ People Come Into Your Life for a reason, a season or a lifetime”. 😊

I am currently wondering what to do in just this situation.

The husband of a friend has recently died after a period of ill health and I sent a card saying I was there if she needed me. She sent a message saying that she hoped to catch up qith friends 'when things settle down'. Should I contact her, when?

We had been close when our daughters were at school together but had only bumped into each other every now and again since then.