Knowing who your friends are.

After an accident I found those who would run to my aid from wherever they were. I, too, had lots of cards and 'let me know if I can help' messages after DH died but many of those people never got in touch again.
I am lucky to still have those who I can rely on.

I have written a comment on another thread too.

Since my DH went into the care home I have found out who my friends are. It was good when we, especially him, were doing favours, but now most people do not even bother to ask after him or check if I am alive.

I am both disappointed and disgusted.

I too have had friends of the "Ask not what I can do for you, ask what you can do for me" variety. They often make the right noises about "being there for you" etc. but when it comes to it there is always a reason why they can't.

When I decided not to drive anymore and sold my car my friendship group dwindled quite rapidly.

I was also have had what I call foul weather friends who seem to delight in mine and the misfortunes of others. I believe the Germans call it schadenfreude.

I have one proven true friend & sometimes I cannot stand him & him me! Despite arguing like cat & dog for 40yrs, I know that he would go to the ends of the earth for his children, myself and his old dog. In that way I am very lucky. Yet, oddly, I knew that I was going to marry him the moment I met him. Even though I didn't particularly like him at all!!!
Very strange. Is this schadenfreude,🤔

Sorry may have got confused,
thinking schadenfreude meant fate!
Sorry idiot moment! 🤣

Indigo8. I also discovered that I was very convenient as I had a car.

I think there is a huge difference between someone offering to help rather than me having to ask which I would never do. A lot of people are only out to gain brownie points!

I have one friend who has been with me through fair and foul weather….through my health scare, separation, divorce etc. We go back nearly 50 years. I was there for her, driving way past midnight to pick her up, when there was a ‘glitch’ in her marriage and brought her back to stay with me for a couple of days. Fortunately, her marriage survived.
She has moved to live nearer her son, so I don’t see her as often as Iid like. She is a good friend, not just to me, but to everyone who is privileged to call her a friend.
Btw she will be so embarssed if she reads this - she is not on GN

I have a lovely friend who has been wonderful to me and mine over many years.
Our friendship deepened when first she showed sounds of severe mental illness and I tried to be as helpful as I could be. Many of her friends melted away, never to return.
Friends stay the course with you: acquaintances do not.

I am currently wondering what to do in just this situation.

The husband of a friend has recently died after a period of ill health and I sent a card saying I was there if she needed me. She sent a message saying that she hoped to catch up qith friends 'when things settle down'. Should I contact her, when?

We had been close when our daughters were at school together but had only bumped into each other every now and again since then.

Drew Chalker wrote a poem in which he said “ People Come Into Your Life for a reason, a season or a lifetime”. 😊

You could send a little “Thinking of You” card kitty? No pressure that way on her part but lets her know you care and would look forward to meeting up again - whenever she feels ready to do so? I would.

When cancer struck two of my closest family I certainly learned quickly who my friends were. It was a terrible shock that some, even longstanding friends, just disappeared. Pouff!

FriedGreenTomatoes2

You could send a little “Thinking of You” card kitty? No pressure that way on her part but lets her know you care and would look forward to meeting up again - whenever she feels ready to do so? I would.

I agree...

I had thought of that fgt2 but when? The funeral was just last week. I don't want to seem stalkery.

In a week or two maybe Kitty.

I certainly have discovered who my real friends are .
I'm sad and sorry to realise that some people latch onto you because you're useful .
I used to be able to get people jobs through my connections .
How they'd suck up to me !
Over the last few years I've realised that so many people are friendly because they are using you in some way and often to make money .

When my DH died, last year, I certainly went through a learning curve as to who my real friends are.🙄

I lost a very real and true lifetime friend recently. Though we lived a distance away when we got older, the moment she heard I had suffered a breakdown she was there, not saying anything but just sitting beside me holding my hand as I held hers when she was in the hospice. Friends till the end. I was very lucky 🙏🏾

Babs I am sorry fir the loss of your friend. A good friend is pure gold.

silverlining48

Babs I am sorry fir the loss of your friend. A good friend is pure gold.

Thanks for your kind words.
xx

Esmay. I could have written your post. It is a horrible feeling to be used and then tossed aside.

silverlining48

In a week or two maybe Kitty.

Good call re timing I think.

FishandChips15
If being used has happened to you -then I'm really sorry .
I was shocked , then angry now I just feel numb .

We have an old saying in Liverpool that "a friend in need is a bloody nuisance". Sad, but true.