Advice on divorce on later life

If I met someone now at 67, living together apart would be ideal! I nearly fell into marrying for the second time a couple of years ago and am thankful I didn’t.

This sort of problem is why I would never marry my 'living together apart'companion.

I am a financially comfortable widow and he has practically nothing. We've been together nearly 7 years

His two divorces and having to support one child who is at uni ( the mother contributes nothing) has also made marriage ( or living together) untenable.

Thank you La Crepescule. xxxx

Love your post Lel1 and glad you’re happy.

I think you’re right to want to divorce this man; someone with a temper and short fuse who shouts at you is abusive and impossible to live with.
I got divorced in my 50s but luckily there were no issues over finances. I had my own house and he had his (although we lived together) and we just agreed to keep our own assets.
Sadly you will need to consider splitting everything but get yourself a good solicitor who can advise you.
This is exactly why my daughter, who may eventually marry her BF, needs good advice before doing so. There are ways to avoid a 50/50 split if they divorce but I know this isn’t much help to you now.
Hard as it is, you’ll be much happier when you’re rid of your husband, even if you have to downsize. Wishing you all the best.

I was in your position ten years ago. I strongly advise you to use a solicitor, because it's a complicated process when pensions need to be taken into account and the courts will require an actuary to settle this. Your State Pension is yours and will not be taken into account, as is his, but he's more likely to have a much larger private pension than you. This will help provide you with an income in later life, because you could feasibly live another 25 years. We had a lovely family home...BUT now I have a smaller, brighter house that is mine and has given me the freedom to do what I like in or with it. And my children and grandchildren love it. It's not a walk in the park to begin with, but you'll get there and be stronger for it. Don't hang on to the past and your current house is going to be full of uncomfortable memories. Remember- a woman is like a teabag- the more she's in hot water the stronger she gets. I've never been happier and you will be too. Sending you lots of love.

You can receive the half hour advice from some solicitors so check around.
Best of luck.

A 50/50 split is the starting point Fairislecable which is why professional advice is important, especially if the the other party decides to be uncooperative.

Yes you can move- I did it when I was 60 years old. I thought I couldn't but here I am seven years later the happiest I've ever been.

It gave me a new lease of life and I felt years younger. Rather this than stay witha man who hated me. It broke my heart to leave that house I really loved.

Now my house is a place to live but I love my life. Imprortant lesson learned.

Hadn't thought of copying all his pensions, that is a good idea.

David49 - I have not the slightest intention of walking out, over my dead body. I have been here 44 years and this is my home and I have nowhere else to go to be honest.

Make sure you have everything in place before you tell him.

With regard to the financial aspect everything is split 50/50 that is property, savings and pensions but for example if he didn’t want to share his pension he might forego the house.

Ensure you have copies of all his pension providers so that he cannot hide them.

If you don’t want him to know use a friends address for any letters.

Good luck the peace after the stress may really be worth it.

If you are scared of his temper I think it might be an idea to have backup help even if outside or in another room.. I would definitely consult a solicitor and Womens Aid if you are scared of him.. I would not leave your home until it is sold..

Hello again ladies and thanks for replies.

"Allira," yes been told he would be able to claim half the house which would be worth about £320,000 at a guess. He has savings of approx £201,000.

I did wonder whether to get my sister to come round when I tell him I want a divorce but feel really should be between the two of us but understand you perfectly "keeping quiet". Sorry don't know how to highlight user names, this is why I am nervous about doing online as not that savvy with a computer.

Quite right, Wyllow3. We actually discussed it beforehand so therefore we were both happy with it. It was a very amicable divorce. Many are not as lucky.

mrsgreenfingers56

Thank you for your replies and good wishes which I appreciate.

I did see a Solicitor and I had to pay £180 for an hr but only with him for 40 mins (no refund offered!)

Basically it is no fault divorce now and doesn't matter who owns what or who paid what, now one pot you both put into and then halved. I have only a state pension, all my money is tied up in the house, did wonder if had to pay him out to release some equity from the property as having no children to leave to.

Yes, I know as his legal wife I would be able to claim his pensions but would be more than happy for him to keep and me just stay in the property. But his pensions/savings don't equate to the value of what this property would be worth.

Feel very nervy at approaching subject with him, he has said in the past most of our problems have been of his making and he is aware of his vile temper.

I can really identify with your 'nervyness' I remember gathering a trusted few friends around me when I was breaking the news to my then husband.

We had an escape plan. In those days there were no mobiles and I had to ring them from an old-fashioned call box.

He didn't take it well but didn't lash out- just sort of crumbled in front of me.

It did take more than six months for him to finally leave though. I think he always thought I would change my mind but I didn't. By then I was pretty ruthless really.

The only thing I would add is maybe to think twice about staying in the house? I know we get attached to our buildings but if this is such a big change would finding another home be so impossible?

There were children involved in my settlement and we stayed, but only for a few years. In the end I realised the property was going to be too difficult and costly to maintain on my own. It was hard but I managed.

I do wish you all the best for the future whatever decisions you make.

If you have come to the end of your tether you need to plan in advance, make sure you have enough money to house yourself for a year when you walk out. That’s how long a divorce often takes, if it’s contested you will get an award within that timespan. If there is no money then a family member, sister, daughter or a friend might help.

Even if it isnt contested, if cash, investments, pensions or property is involved you will need a solicitor. Beware, if money is involved solicitors will try to spin it out to bill for more hours, so be firm and realistic.

henetha

We'd been separated for several years and no property or children were involved. Therefore it's very simple.
I picked up the necessary paperwork from the courthouse, filled it out, sent it to my ex to sign, returned it to the courthouse and waited. A few weeks later we were divorced. It cost me £144.
It's probably more expensive now.

Depends if the husband co-operates, because if not, you to partly have to go through re court orders and them being served.

He does have enough money to buy another property but won't be as nice as the one we live in

If he is entitled to half the house, are you entitled to half of his money? Would that be enough to buy him out?

Perhaps he'd rather not make a claim on the house and retain all his cash to buy somewhere else. It would be simpler and solicitor's fees would be lower.

What a pity Germanshepherdsmum is not still on GN!.

We'd been separated for several years and no property or children were involved. Therefore it's very simple.
I picked up the necessary paperwork from the courthouse, filled it out, sent it to my ex to sign, returned it to the courthouse and waited. A few weeks later we were divorced. It cost me £144.
It's probably more expensive now.

One very good reason for doing it via solicitors.
But - do ask around for a decent one like I had. Sounds like you are pretty savvy and since no children involved simpler.

I was able to offset keeping my (small) house because he had a guaranteed inheritance of sufficient worth.

Thank you for your replies and good wishes which I appreciate.

I did see a Solicitor and I had to pay £180 for an hr but only with him for 40 mins (no refund offered!)

Basically it is no fault divorce now and doesn't matter who owns what or who paid what, now one pot you both put into and then halved. I have only a state pension, all my money is tied up in the house, did wonder if had to pay him out to release some equity from the property as having no children to leave to.

Yes, I know as his legal wife I would be able to claim his pensions but would be more than happy for him to keep and me just stay in the property. But his pensions/savings don't equate to the value of what this property would be worth.

Feel very nervy at approaching subject with him, he has said in the past most of our problems have been of his making and he is aware of his vile temper.

Hi - definitely see a solicitor. They could save you a lot of money in the long run. However I think if u don’t divorce but remain legally married it has significant repercussions for pensions in terms of what you are entitled to - best of luck. I’m just about to take the plunge myself.

I would swallow the costs and see a solicitor.. Not doing so could cost you more.

It’s doable in later life. Good luck. 💐

I left my partner when I was 60. We hadn't been together that long but were tenants in common and so the house was sold and split between us.

I am not so well of financially but it was worth the split.

Previous to that I split with my husband of 20 years (see a pattern here?) but we didn't divorce, we just had a financial settlement and I stayed in the house with the children. I had to buy him out at that point.

Years later he divorced me-he paid an expensive solicitor for a divorce he could have obtained on-line for what was then about £250.

What I'm trying to say is you don't necessarily need to divorce, that's entirely up to you, but you do need to sort out what you will be entitled to.

I wish you well in making this change.

Brave decision and wholly understandable.
I wish you well with this.
🌺🌷