Me To Help Again Then Is It?

A tough dilemma. Is this the same person with whom you’ve had a long distance relationship for some time? Did you manage to find a cat sitter so that you could go to Cornwall to see him this summer as mentioned in one of your previous posts?

If he’s actually your partner rather than a “close friend” then if you value the relationship perhaps you should go and look after him this Christmas. Even though he’s recovering from a knee replacement op you will be able to enjoy each other’s company and find out how well you get on living together for an extended period.

I’m sure your family understand how much he means to you. Perhaps you can have a family meal before Christmas or when you get back home?

I would first see if the hospital will provide a care package for him as he he elderly and vulnerable.. if you feel uncomfortable driving then don't do it.. Tell him to ask his family for help.. they should not be relying on you.. it simply isn't fair.. neither should he..

NotSpaghetti

I would liaise with his family and "kindly offer" to "take over from them" after Christmas "if they would find this helpful".

Good luck.

Yes, exactly this..........and do point out that you are in your 70's and find the journey stressful.

Until you stand your ground and get your point across you will continue to be put upon.

You are a very kind , good friend "a friend in need......".
Since your friend's health situations appear to be both serious and rare ,I don't agree that your family , who don't appear to be in need, should automatically take precedence over the needs of your friend.
The question is how you feel about it.
You want to do it because you care about him and that seems to override your natural desire to be home for Xmas.
If you are able to contact his family , you've every right to suggest that they do the caring this time if only because of the distance and the driving issue.
Your kindness will be on your entry pass to the Pearly Gates for sure.
Also , on the other hand, you can see your family for the whole of the rest of the year. Xmas is only a few days after all.

Really?

If he has family near then it is ludicrous to travel 250 miles to care for him. What do your family feel about not having you with them at Christmas. Put yourself and your family first and let his nearest and dearest provide the care he needs.

I’m sorry but he has to ask his family, not wait for them to offer.

Stay at home, enjoy your family. There is no way you should be nursing him at all, let alone at Christmas. Of course they will let you look after him!

To be blunt this could be your last Christmas!!

None of knows if we will all still be here next year do we?

I would liaise with his family and "kindly offer" to "take over from them" after Christmas "if they would find this helpful".

Good luck.

It's not your problem get your priorities right.

Sorry but I think you a being a martyr here.
Your family should take preference over a friend.

You don’t have to do this. If he tells the ward staff that he has nobody at home to help him, he will get carer input, funded by the hospital to help him at home. If unable to manage at home, he would be admitted to a bed on a non acute area in the interim.

What a very kind friend you are! Could you contact his local family and explain that you can’t be there this time as your own family need you at Christmas? Perhaps contact his Social Services if he really won’t be able to manage without help? You went above and beyond last time he had major surgery so maybe his family should step up this time. Could you WhatsApp video or FaceTime him daily to keep his spirits up and reassure yourself? Good luck.

Why? Tell his family to pull their finger out.

If you really feel you have to be the one to help him, bring him to your own house and have your Christmas as normal.

Is this real?

What are you looking for here?

No way!