I don't want to be a child minder

We used to do 2/3 days a week, usually three because the other grandparents were always calling off at the last minute.
This time round we do one day a week and occasionally the school runs for our other son's daughter. We couldn't manage anymore, unless it was an emergency.

I have loved doing it most of the time and we have developed a loving relationship with both our granddaughters. I really miss them, when they are not here.

I do not see myself as a surrogate mother, just a mum trying to support my children. I was a stay at home mum, for I had no-one to help with childminding and one of my children was in poor health.
That break certainly affected my career progress and left me lagging behind my peers. However, I do not regret it one bit and made up for it once they were all at secondary school..

I'm in the "I've had my turn" camp, so no commitment but very happy to be the "fun gran" and take my grandson on outings. I also did a fair share of babysitting, including overnight.

I understand sometimes grandparents have to do more due to circumstances.

I sometimes look at my adult children's generation peers and think ... the high flying jobs for both parents... wonderful, but - at what cost?

I am a hands on Granny and how. At 77 I still help out a lot but it has been my choice. I have enjoyed it and have such wonderful memories.

However, it is a wise grandparent who realises that childcare is not for them. Being honest from the start is the best policy all round. I can see no value in you providing childcare if it was under sufferance. That would not be fair on anyone, particularly the children.

GrannyGravy13

Cannot imagine not helping out, isn’t that what families do, help each other?

Agreement from me. We did one day a week when baby 1 arrived until he went to nursery school at 3. By the. We had two more and one on the way. We continued with one day weekly which included the school run until my husbands devastating diagnosis took over.

They’re all in primary school now. I have aged 9 and 6 overnight one night a week, as both parents out for work by 6.30. Their mum stays here, does the bedtime routine. I do breakfast and the school run. I’m ten years older than I was when our day a week commitment was made, plus I live alone. I haven’t the energy to do a full day with infants and toddlers so I’m relieved they arrived when I was younger, fitter and sharing my life with mr I

when each of my children got married - way before any babies appeared- I made it very clear that I would not be a child minder. I was still working anyway but I wanted my role to be there for fun times and obviously emergencies. They were totally on board and never took advantage. We all have great relationships and now one family live in the same village and the children see me most days which is delightful. I have been very lucky but am appalled by the way some of my friends have been treated by their children as unpaid and unappreciated childcare. These friends are in their 70s and exhausted - but too shy to say anything.

You are very much not alone.
We have good relationships with our family but on going childcare has never been an option.
Happy to babysit, have them for a day, help in emergencies and even enjoy taking them away for a few days. All on our terms and nothing else has ever been expected.

We all have different situations I have looked after my granddaughter one day a week since she was a baby and have regarded it as a privilege I am also more than happy to look after my grandsons when every necessary I am retired and have plenty of time.
My MIL used to help with childcare when needed as my mum was further away which was much appreciated although times were different then unlike my daughter I didnt need to work full time.

Ack.

In order to provide childcare

Nope. Not in the slightest bit interested.

I’ve over a decade left before retirement, have embarked on a new career in the last several years and have zero desire to put everything I want to accomplish aside in order to

It’s time for me to be a priority in my own life now.

I told my sons that I had been very happy to bring up children
once, but I was not prepared to do it twice. As it turned out, I lived too far away from my grandchildren for it to be possible anyway.

Nothing wrong with your decision Aquariusb - I told my AC when the babies started to arrive that I wouldn't be giving up work to look after them, and I didn't. I was quite prepared to babysit occasionally but both AC respected my choice.

I have always considered that people should have babies as and when they can care for them themselves, not farm them out to grandparents.

My daughter hasn't responded to well to me saying that I didn't want to do it. I'm on my own and also nearly 70. Having said that I had the on my own for a few days while my daughter went away. Needless to say I didn't cope well and was exhausted and said some things that my daughter found offensive (understandably) but she didn't understand my exhaustion. Consequently our relationship isn't good at the moment. We are speaking just about. And she still wants me to do childcare but I've learnt my lesson .

I was working full time when our first grandchild arrived so regular childcare was never possible. However it suited me because I wanted to be grandmother not a surrogate mum.

Gingster

Never did regular childcare. I always had them for emergencies or took them away to our seaside cottage for a few days in school holidays. Center Parcs trips too, days out at the zoo, fun fairs , west end shows, cinema but never committed to every week/day.

I brought up my three children and then looked after another three after their mother died and then ‘retired’ from regular childcare, when they didn’t need me anymore.

Sounding completely selfish , I have too many hobbies, activities and friends to catch up with.

Don’t feel bad - it’s your life and it’s their decision to have children.

Exactly the same here. Helping out is great- but it is NOT the JOB of grandparents to childcare for several days a week on regular basis. That is not being selfish at all. Did your parents look after your kids whilst you went to work. No- mine neither! I would have never expected them to do so.

Support, help, emergencies, holidays- but not regular chidlcare.

And especially not with lists of strict 'dos and don'ts' several pages long!

GrannyGravy13

Cannot imagine not helping out, isn’t that what families do, help each other?

But helping out will vary from person to person and I consider providing regular child care while parents are at work is not 'helping out'. It is taking on the profession of Child minder, usually without the money.

We lived too far a way (200 miles) to provide regular childcare, and, frankly we wouldn't do it. We had other commitments t precluded it. My son and wife, left DGD with DiL's mother, who lived 2 miles away one day a week for a year, but once she was walking they stopped because they were concerned about it being too much for her mother.

Yet that did not mean that both sets of grandparents were not ready to respond when emergencies arrived and several times I did the 400 mile return journey to help out when required.

When my first child was born my mother said she was happy to help out with babysitting and child care. but did not want a regular commitment as she and my dad had just retired and wanted to do stuff together. I appreciated her decision and used childminders and nurseries when I returned to work .
When my DC started school my mum did child care during the holidays and was fine with that . Luckily I only worked 2 days initially.
I don’t have GC yet , but several friends do and some do regular childcare each week whilst the parents work . Some baby sit when needed . One friend has 4 AC all with kids and she’s babysitting most weekends . Each to their own

Horses for courses, I guess😬

I helped to bring up my (now teenage) GC. Those were such happy years. I would love to do it again but, even if it were possible, I don’t have the energy now. A lot depends on age.

Funny reading this. I’m due to retire next year have worked in childcare for 24 years looking forward to doing something different and hopefully will. Childcare won’t be on my agenda as my grandkids are grown up. But I do understand all your comments well done for being truthful. We all have lives to live.

Never, never, never.

So many different interesting things to do and experience.

Why would I want to do child rearing all over again.😬

No, we've not had regular caring responsibilities.

We help when necessary for illnesses. No nights apart emergency.

GC come round often, I drive long school runs frequently.

My husband is not fully retired, he still "Manages" his business - read that meddles in our daughters' decisions - and I still do the receipts. We tend towards holidays rather than childcare when one of us is not "Managing".

Ziggy62

My eldest grandchild is 25, she attended the nursery where I worked and often came home with me for the evening/night and stayed over most weekends as her parents worked in hotels/pubs.

We took her with us on holidays and I loved every minute

My daughter is almost 35 and has decided not to have children as she doesn't want to give up her career or put a baby into nursery or with a childminder. I live a plane ride away, which is just as well because I just don't have the physical energy to care for children anymore.

It surprises me how many grandparents care for little ones now. After a lifetime in childcare I know what flipping hard work it is

I have my GS with me at my preschool tow days - it's actually far easier than having him at my home! I bring him home and he's collect later in the day.

Gingster

Never did regular childcare. I always had them for emergencies or took them away to our seaside cottage for a few days in school holidays. Center Parcs trips too, days out at the zoo, fun fairs , west end shows, cinema but never committed to every week/day.

I brought up my three children and then looked after another three after their mother died and then ‘retired’ from regular childcare, when they didn’t need me anymore.

Sounding completely selfish , I have too many hobbies, activities and friends to catch up with.

Don’t feel bad - it’s your life and it’s their decision to have children.

Amen to that comment of "Its your life and it's their decision to have children".

The penultimate thing between parents and erstwhile brother was that my father was by then very close to death (as we could all see clearly) and erstwhile brother/wife had just built a very posh custom-designed thank you "granny bungalow" in their long garden and I did think "Maybe I misjudged them - maybe they've got that ready for when mother is on her own". It took about two seconds flat before erstwhile sister-in-law was on Facebook and putting up pictures of that brand new one-bedroom apartment worth of place - and in the next sentence saying "Youngest child (21 by then) will now move into it. He is so looking forward to it". She had that post (and others she subsequently deleted) up there just long enough for all her friends to know that was who was destined to live there and tell her how lovely it was for him - and for me to see that comment and realise she'd made it very clear she had no plans to reciprocate all that free childcare before it all then got carefully deleted by her.

Retirement is for doing exactly what you personally want and due time/energy allowance available if needed if health problems crop up and have to be dealt with.

Each to their own. Whatever is right for you.
Our 4 DC all have kids.
We were never expected to be carers.
The first 2 went to full time nursery from early on and the other DGP were nearer for emergencies.
The next never seemed to go out without their children or they would pay a sitter. Those 2 are almost grown up now.
The 3rd lives 12,000 miles away.
4th is far away too but I stay for weekends occasionally and babysit.
I love being a grandma. and can hand them back

Sorry Aquarius didn’t answer you, no, I wouldn’t have committed to having a regular daytime commitment and my daughter knew that.