Feeling i ve been taken for a ride

Esmay

My instinct is to say goodbye to him and just wish him luck with this new girlfriend.
It is confusing ,painful and disappointing.
And please move on with your life.
You aren't a back up in case it doesn't work out with this new lady .

On Thursday ,I met a very charming man when having some tea.
I was flattered .
I looked and felt absolutely exhausted that this handsome educated and younger than me man was so keen on dating me .
Today I got ready for church with a warm buzzy feeling that we'd be having lunch .
And he didn't turn up .
Neither did he message me .
Good luck to him .
I'm not grieving for what could have been .
Both of us deserve so much more .

Oh Esmay.. my heart goes out to you

My instinct is to say goodbye to him and just wish him luck with this new girlfriend.
It is confusing ,painful and disappointing.
And please move on with your life.
You aren't a back up in case it doesn't work out with this new lady .

On Thursday ,I met a very charming man when having some tea.
I was flattered .
I looked and felt absolutely exhausted that this handsome educated and younger than me man was so keen on dating me .
Today I got ready for church with a warm buzzy feeling that we'd be having lunch .
And he didn't turn up .
Neither did he message me .
Good luck to him .
I'm not grieving for what could have been .
Both of us deserve so much more .

I think the assumption that this woman is after just money is unfair.
We have no idea.
All we do know is that he has some feelings for her.

Let's not automatically judge the stranger.

The world is full of people misleading other people and thinking nothing of it - I imagine your "trusted source" probably falls into this category - quite possibly, (s)he doesn't even realise (s)he was leading you up the garden path - either that ort she thought she'd act as matchmaker to you both. Let him go where he really wants to go, don't mention it again to either of them and definitely don't have it out with the source who turned out not to be so trustworthy! Try to protect yourself better in future by not believing everything you're told just because it gives you a bit of a lift. Hard words, maybe, but that's modern life now.

At face value I think he has valued you as a friend by coming to see you, being honest about his trip to Columbia and explaining his future plans with a much younger woman. I would wish him well (he will need it!) and move on with your life. I don't think you have been taken in at all, it is what it is.

Well, if it wasn't Columbia, it would be Thailand where he met a female. Very popular areas for older people finding many younger companions. Wave him off!

Is it fair on ANY other man to start a relationship while your husband is still alive you may be lonely but there are other ways to deal with loneliness it seems unfair to both men to be honest

A counsellor should NEVER give advice only be there to help you explore and find your own answers

Join some groups of interest do some voluntary work if you are retired get out and about but leave the guy to his young Colombian lady

I’ve been to Columbia. Let me tell you this. They are all looking to get out of there , for a better life. The South Americans are very good looking - easy to fall in love with.

P
Op

Std test

Don’t pick up the pieces when she dumps him. She’s after his money. There’s no fool like an old fool.

That's an interesting article SilverBrook but it didn't have a happy ending for Nick, the partner who was still in a marriage.

"Rebecca knew he would never leave his wife and son, and she did not want a relationship that would always be clandestine. They parted six months later."

Notjustaprettyface

Yes there is 17 years between my husband and me and I am now paying the price for this and I regret it very much
My husband is still alive but has dementia and both my counsellor and the dementia nurse tell me it’s ok to date again in order to help with the immense loneliness I feel
Please don’t judge , it’s really hard

Please try to deal with your loneliness in other ways than looking for a romantic relationship with a man.

As you've found, that can bring more distress for you even if you have already known the man.
As others have said here, you're unlikely to find a good man who wants a relationship with you while your husband is still alive.

I really think that was bad advice. Professionals don't always know best.

You'd do best to find friendships rather than look for romance.

I totally agree !

Thank you for coming back to explain.

Firstly, can I point you in the direction of this book:

One Yellow Door : A Memoir of Love and Loss, Faith and Infidelity by Rebecca de Saintonge. More about that is this article:

I had an affair while my husband had dementia.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/oct/24/i-had-an-affair-while-husband-dying-dementia-lewy-bodies-rebecca-de-saintonge

I don’t think you have any option but to let this man explore the relationship with the woman he has met. Maybe there could have been more but what you can offer him now is limited and might have to be conducted in secret.

Let things take their course. He might come back to you, he might not but if and when he does, your circumstances might have changed.

Sago

I fear you have been taken for a ride, unfortunately Columbia has now taken over from Thailand as the place for older UK men to find a wife.

I think he was probably hedging his bets.

Here’s a link.

www.rosebrides.com/colombian-brides.html

😧😧😧

That link is straight out mail order women.

you deserve better
he is vain

Personally, I would not waste my breath telling him how he has made me feel. He won't change his mind, and do you really want to humilitate yourself.?He will say, you have misread his signals, and you will still feel he has taken you for a ride, which is precisely what he has done.

Wish him luck, as you tell him on the phone, that you dreadfully busy and there is no chance of seeing him before he leaves.

There are as good fish in the sea, as any that have come out of it.

In answer to your question I wouldn’t bother.

These are two separate sets of circumstances - incompatible from the start.

You - lonely, husband still alive but suffering from dementia, not really in a position to start a new relationship (questionable advice from a counsellor).

Male friend from the past, apparently single, about to go to Colombia for a month, goes there, and meets a woman he’s interested in and intends to return to.

He has visited you and told you honestly his position. You haven’t said whether you’ve told him your situation, but a relationship between you is self-evidently a non-starter.

Wish him well and say goodbye.

I would tell him how you really feel.

But I wouldnt be holding out much hope.
And not sure you even should want to anyway.
But see what he says.

But now I see your husband is still alive.
Gosh.
You still have a husband. So absolutely do not have anything to do with the other man.

Lathyrus3

Oh dear. I fear that it will be very difficult for you to find anyone who wants a committed relationship. Not many would want even the first steps in a relationship with you while your husband is still alive.

I can perfectly understand why he has opted out.

Those were my thoughts. Perhaps the fact that your husband was still alive made him feel uncomfortable.

I couldn't consider having a relationship, while my husband was alive and in a care home. It would feel like a betrayal, no matter how lonely I felt.

Yes, I agree Lathyrus. This man has behaved honourably by telling you to your face that he has met someone else, though I’m another who suspects she is after his money and he may or may not have twigged that. I would think that someone who is honourable would feel uncomfortable starting a romantic relationship with a lady in your position. I am not being judgemental because you are in a very sad situation, but you would be committing adultery if the relationship became physical and, to their credit, some men wouldn’t want to do that - one who doesn’t mind is, to my mind, to be avoided.

Oh dear. I fear that it will be very difficult for you to find anyone who wants a committed relationship. Not many would want even the first steps in a relationship with you while your husband is still alive.

I can perfectly understand why he has opted out.

she’s probably more interested in his wallet than him

I thought that too.
Let him go. There’s no future with him.

Yes possibly