Ex daughter in law problems

crazyH

The OP is a mother, worrying about her son. Why is everyone being so hard on her ?

If it was a Mother worrying about her son and had not called the daughter in laws Mother on law I would have more sympathy, but if true she overstepped boundaries, I honestly don't know anyone who would do that.

Because instead of dealing with her feelings like an adult, she called her DILs mother and “tattled”, trying to bring her DIL to heel.

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Reported

Gr4ce, I see that you have not returned to the thread, perhaps because you have not liked the ( very consistent) messages that you have been given.
Moving on, may I suggest an olive branch to your DIL?
An apology about ringing her mother, a bunch of flowers and a request that you both start again might help to rebuild that bridge so that when your son does move out,you can visit your grandchildren, or they you.
I think that you must make a conciliatory move, or things may continue to cool.

It’s another “story”.

I can understand to a certain degree. When my son and his partner split up there was a lot of acrimony towards me (still is but I'm not exposed to it). I had been Facebook friends with her mum and the urge to contact her at times was very strong, but I knew it wasn't the right thing to do. I ceased being friends with her and haven't hear a peep from her and I am no longer in contact with son's ex either.
So my advice is to leave this well alone- support your son in finding somewhere else to go (in the end my son moved in with me) and keep whatever contact you can through him with the GCs. I feel if you don't this may well end up in court and that is a very messy place to be.
I wish you well.

As protective mothers we would all do everything we possibly can to protect our children ......... and that is exactly what your DIL's mother has done. Of course she is going to take her side, of course she will fight her corner.
However, it always saddens me when adults use children as weapons to hurt and spite others.

I can't believe you rang her mom, what did you think that would accomplish?

If your son is unemployed and has been for 8+ months, is still living in the family home, why isn't he organising visits between you and his children?

You’ve stuck your nose in where it wasn’t needed so yes your wrong.

Sago

It’s another “story”.

This.

You mean it's made up?

crazyH

The OP is a mother, worrying about her son. Why is everyone being so hard on her ?

If she were worried about her son she’d encourage him to stop sponging off of a woman she herself states her son “left” months ago. The OP could encourage her son to move in with her and stop being an unemployed burden. Instead, she had the utter gall to call DIL’s mum and complain as if the DIL didn’t have the right to be upset at the freeloader. All it did was make things worse. As a mother I would love my son too much to defend this behaviour. I wouldn’t get involved but secretly I’d be ashamed.

How does your son feel about you phoning his MIL?

Norah

Sago

It’s another “story”.

This.

I did wonder...

i am concerned that I maybe at the cause of a rift now
There’s no maybe about it 🤦🏼‍♀️

Sorry, but imo yes!

Naturally you will take your son’s part, he is your son. However, no one really knows what happens between a married couple, except them.

I think you way overstepped the mark.

Incidentally, why is your son currently not working? Is your DiL working full time, supporting him, and juggling the needs of the children.

Perhaps back off a bit, sort out seeing the GC through him and perhaps think things through a bit moving forward.

It’s not your place or business who’s to “blame” in the marriage breakup.

OP ofcourse you were wrong and I think you know that. Worried or not about your son, your intervention was unwise and I'm afraid you are suffering the consequences

It's only natural that a mother loves her son, but I think that you are in the wrong here.
It takes two to tango.
I would apologise to all concerned and follow your apology with flowers and chocolates as Easter is nearly upon us .
Otherwise, this is going to turn into a permanent unpleasant estrangement .

Never interfere in someone else's marriage.

No one really knows what is happening in someone else's relationship.

Good idea Chocolatelovinggran
🤞

I cannot imagine the way I would j as e reacted , at least internally , to one of y adult child in laws parents contacting me about my child’s behavior . Outwardly I would have probably laughed at you and asked where you got the nerve. The relationship between your soon to be ex dil and your son is entirely not your business. Attempting to drag her mother into is so far out of line - OF COURSE you have made the problem worse. And at the end of the day your relationship with and continued relationship with your grands is dependent on your son - he is your link. Though given he’s been unemployed for at least 8 months and content to sit in the family home I wouldn’t be surprise if he didn’t get effectively get off his backside and do anything to help with this responsibility either. Focus your attention on getting your son to adult and have visitation with his kids which he may then chose to share with you on his time because after this display I wouldn’t expect your dil to share her time with you

Where oh where has the OP gone??

If she never returns, we can only assume she’s too embarrassed or peed off with our replies or she just made the whole thing up!

Either way, she’s wasted enough of all our valuable time

My DIL has had an affair and left the marital home . HER mother has called me four times, aiming to both squeeze me for inside information and to rationalise the affair. And invited us over for dinner to discuss the marriage 🤨 I’ve decided not to take any more calls. And there will be no dinner!

You were hugely in the wrong...guessing you've destroyed your relationship with her .....you will have to negotiate seeing your GC via your son ....my youngest DS broke up with his DP several years ago.......it was very messy and very acrimonious at the time....I never once said or did anything that could be seen as 'taking sides' or blaming the DP ...not because I'm a good person but could because I was looking ahead and wanted to make sure as little as possible happened that could prevent contact with my GD....4 years on we are in a much better place...my DS and his ex are on better terms .....I can message the ex to ask for visits / sleepovers independent of my DS and his ex will send photo updates during the week of school events or holidays .....bite your tongue don't get involved.