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Ex daughter in law problems

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Gr4ce2013 Thu 27-Feb-25 16:11:52

Hello
8 months ago my son left his wife after a long marriage of strife and stress. However, my daughter in law will not take responsibility for her part in the marriage ending at all. My son is unemployed so cant move out of the family house just yet. This has resulted in an increase in the amount of hassle she gives him! We are very close and she has always told him he's not good enough. Well after one bad argument where she was very un complimentary about him and my son was very upset - I decided to call her mother to explain (politely) the role her daughter had taken in the marriage break up amongst some other things I wanted to get off my chest. This was 2 months ago - and since then my daughter in law has been really obstructive to us seeing the grand children, always saying they are busy or its too difficult. Its very hard as we still wish to visit the children at their house where she lives.

She needs to keep her relationship between my son and me SEPERATE from the relationship between me and her children. I don't understand why she doesn't know this. I am concerned that I may be at the cause of a rift now however I thought she was mature enough and cared enough for her children to keep the arguments and the children separate.

Was I in the wrong?

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petra Mon 09-Feb-26 08:33:46

LOUISA1523

You were hugely in the wrong...guessing you've destroyed your relationship with her .....you will have to negotiate seeing your GC via your son ....my youngest DS broke up with his DP several years ago.......it was very messy and very acrimonious at the time....I never once said or did anything that could be seen as 'taking sides' or blaming the DP ...not because I'm a good person but could because I was looking ahead and wanted to make sure as little as possible happened that could prevent contact with my GD....4 years on we are in a much better place...my DS and his ex are on better terms .....I can message the ex to ask for visits / sleepovers independent of my DS and his ex will send photo updates during the week of school events or holidays .....bite your tongue don't get involved.

I hope the OP isn’t still biting her tongue
This thread is a year old

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NotSpaghetti Mon 09-Feb-26 10:15:24

petra I rather hope they don't need to anymore.

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