Sister not talking to me any more

I'm relieved to see that she has a husband..

Well whatever it is she’s had enough from all of you

I'm pleased you believe she is safe.
That is something to be grateful for irrespective of the finances.

It’s very easy to get out of your depth financially not just by deliberate action like gambling but forgetting to renew insurance and you get damage you have to pay for. That may have happened if a car is involved.
She has stopped phoning because she is embarrassed to explain the problem and is further embarrassed because she doesnt know how to pay it back.

Hello Bluebelle
The reason she gave is what I have said in my post to allsorts
Neither my son nor my sister know any more , she mentioned to them an unexpected expense with their leased car
But she didn’t say that to me
I think she is safe and I think she is bluffing when threatening to commit suicide

Hello Allsorts
She said that she was struggling every month because her husband is now retired and his pension is not enough to cover their expenses
Did you get the money you lent back ?

Notjustaprettyface
If someone is distressed I can see why you want to help.

Have you decided what to do to check on/support your sister?
I'm hoping that by now you have at least discovered she is OK?

10 grand is a huge amount to lend without asking what for I cannot imagine anyone I know family, friends or acquaintances asking for any amount of money without giving an indication of what is wrong and why they need such a large sum we aren’t talking about £10 She needs more and has borrowed off your son and other sister Have you talked to them about it do they know any more details than you or have they just blindly given it? Have all of you lent large sums of money without anyone asking what for
Is she living far from you I mean NZ or Australia or nearer in Europe There’s something really worrying about this ?

As she is talking about suicide and you haven’t heard from her are you sure she’s safe ?

I cant understand how she could ask you for money without giving a reason. Why does she feel you have all that money to give. Never borrowed or asked for money, up to to me to manage my finances. Do not believe in lending money as a refusal often offends. I lent some inheritance from my mother to a friend, now ex friend when I was young and believed what people said. She took offence at being asked to repay it, she didn't care I needed it.Never, ever again.

Gosh it sounds as though your sister is having serious problems .
Where does she live ?
Is it possible to visit her ?
She might be gambling or is a victim of a scam .
I'm wondering about mental health issues .
This needs investigating .

One of my friends had a mother living in Spain .
Spanish neighbours became increasingly concerned about her and managed to get her address book and phone her daughter -my friend .
She went out and found her mum in an extremely confused state as described by the neighbours .
She managed to get her on a plane back to the UK .
The flight was appalling as her mother was so disturbed .
Once here - Alzheimers was diagnosed.
She stayed with her in her house and it was a struggle to care for her .
Eventually she was put in a home after attacking her husband on several occasions .

What if you didn't have a spare 10 k lying about?

I’d write, text or email to say you are worried about her. Assure her of your love and support, (not monetary).
Suggest that you should visit her to talk about what’s going on.
I like the idea of a safe and well check

Are you in touch with anyone in the country where your sister lives? Is there any family member of friend there whom you could ask to check on her? You don’t need to tell them about the loan, just say you haven’t heard from her and are concerned about her. Has your son or other sister any clue what is causing her problems?

Hithere

I would concentrate on the human side (not on the number side)

Why she needs this much money?
Why did she threaten suicide?
Why does she need more money?

I find it curious you concentrate so much on the money and getting it back (which you may not) and not on her mental health, given you have/had a close relationship

I would be worrying about the money 10k is alot of money to lend someone even if it is your sister.
It's too glib to say you may get the money you may not, maybe you can afford to lose that money.
The above said I think there maybe something amiss and I would try to fund out.

mumofmadboys - the police do it here - a "safe and well" check.

Drugs, gambling, coercive partner?There is a story here that you know nothing about. Do all you can to contact her but do not send more money.

I can't see the local authorities doing that .

I would write to her at once if she won't speak to you.
Just tell her how you love her and are worried about her.

I would also warn her that I need to see she is alright - and will be visiting if I don't hear from her in x days...

Can you contact the local authorities to check she is well?

nandad

Notjustaprettyface you certainly have a lot of dramas in your family! I’m surprised that you gave this money without asking what it was for. I reckon it’s doubtful you will see your money again.

Agreed. And money related too.

If my sister acted out of character I’d be visiting her in person asap, no matter where she was in the world. I’d have to know and support. ( I don’t mean support with more loans). Good luck

It might be difficult, but I think you, your other sister and if possible your son have to visit your sister. Book some accommodation for yourselves. You have to get to the bottom of what is happening. Your sister is in some sort of trouble but unless you ‘doorstep’ her you’re not going to find out what it is and what (apart from lending more money which you know you won’t see again, so don’t do it) you can do to help her.

ViceVersa

There's a lot to be said for the old phrase 'neither a borrower nor a lender be'. I certainly wouldn't be lending her any more money. She can't be as close as you think she is if she's ignoring you - it's probably a form of emotional blackmail on her part. I would ignore her too.

This! I know people who find it odd that I have never finanically helped out any of my siblings nor they me.

It is dangerous territory to get into because it often covers up underlying problems and breaks the bond between siblings which shouldn't be pressured with financial issues.

In order to sort out what the issues are you need to stop sending money until she has explained truthfully what the money is for.

Being the person who just sends money without asking means you are not the sister offering other support from her problems. You have to decide which sort of sister you want to be.

I hope this situation resolves itself, but sometimes someone has to stand up.

Is she being scammed?
Is she frightened of someone?
Is she using it for a "romance" of some kind?

Notjustaprettyface you certainly have a lot of dramas in your family! I’m surprised that you gave this money without asking what it was for. I reckon it’s doubtful you will see your money again.

You, your sister and your son need to get to the bottom of this. It sounds more complicated than just her being skint.

You have the right to know what she needs the money for. I would feel obliged to try and find out what exactly is going on and if your sister needs support from the family.

It looks unlikely, on the face of it that any of you will get repaid.