Sister not talking to me any more

None of your relatives have any idea either, why she suddenly needs so much money?

I would be getting to the bottom of that first.

Has she borrowed money from any of you before?

No it’s the first time

Is she gambling?? If so, you are enabling her. I wouldn’t have lent her any money without a reason for it. Don’t lend her anymore, how is she going to pay you back?

If you've been sharing holidays and regular phone calls why hasn't she mentioned this before? Is she being coerced maybe.

I would be tempted to go and visit her to try and find out what is happening. I would not give her any more money without doing that..

Hello poppyred
I don’t think she is the sort to gamble
I don’t know how she is going to pay me back
I am even wondering whether her not talking to me is a strategy to avoid paying me back

Hello pascal30
Yes I don’t understand why she hasn’t mentioned it before
There is something she is not telling

Please dig a bit further

Something sounds very wrong.

Is visiting her do/able?

Good luck, sounds a horrendous situation

I would not have lent her such a huge amount without knowing why first. I think she has got herself into deep trouble somehow. You can try to get to the bottom of it by going to see her, but I fear you will never see a penny of your loan returned

Do you know anything about her personal circumstances? It does sound as though she’s being coerced. A good idea to go to see her if possible or maybe a zoom

She said she was going to harm herself and and now she is not phoning or returning calls.

People are focussing on the money but isn't the real issue that, whatever trouble she is in, she is feeling desperate and needs support.

Whatever this is: mortgage, rent, credit card debt, gambling, drugs, extortion, someone needs to see her, someone from the emergency services wherever she is living, who can assess her mental state and signpost her to support services.

I would concentrate on the human side (not on the number side)

Why she needs this much money?
Why did she threaten suicide?
Why does she need more money?

I find it curious you concentrate so much on the money and getting it back (which you may not) and not on her mental health, given you have/had a close relationship

There's a lot to be said for the old phrase 'neither a borrower nor a lender be'. I certainly wouldn't be lending her any more money. She can't be as close as you think she is if she's ignoring you - it's probably a form of emotional blackmail on her part. I would ignore her too.

Hello cossy
Visiting is not really doable as she lives abroad and right now I don’t think I would be welcome

You, your sister and your son need to get to the bottom of this. It sounds more complicated than just her being skint.

You have the right to know what she needs the money for. I would feel obliged to try and find out what exactly is going on and if your sister needs support from the family.

It looks unlikely, on the face of it that any of you will get repaid.

Notjustaprettyface you certainly have a lot of dramas in your family! I’m surprised that you gave this money without asking what it was for. I reckon it’s doubtful you will see your money again.

Is she being scammed?
Is she frightened of someone?
Is she using it for a "romance" of some kind?

ViceVersa

There's a lot to be said for the old phrase 'neither a borrower nor a lender be'. I certainly wouldn't be lending her any more money. She can't be as close as you think she is if she's ignoring you - it's probably a form of emotional blackmail on her part. I would ignore her too.

This! I know people who find it odd that I have never finanically helped out any of my siblings nor they me.

It is dangerous territory to get into because it often covers up underlying problems and breaks the bond between siblings which shouldn't be pressured with financial issues.

In order to sort out what the issues are you need to stop sending money until she has explained truthfully what the money is for.

Being the person who just sends money without asking means you are not the sister offering other support from her problems. You have to decide which sort of sister you want to be.

I hope this situation resolves itself, but sometimes someone has to stand up.

It might be difficult, but I think you, your other sister and if possible your son have to visit your sister. Book some accommodation for yourselves. You have to get to the bottom of what is happening. Your sister is in some sort of trouble but unless you ‘doorstep’ her you’re not going to find out what it is and what (apart from lending more money which you know you won’t see again, so don’t do it) you can do to help her.

If my sister acted out of character I’d be visiting her in person asap, no matter where she was in the world. I’d have to know and support. ( I don’t mean support with more loans). Good luck

nandad

Notjustaprettyface you certainly have a lot of dramas in your family! I’m surprised that you gave this money without asking what it was for. I reckon it’s doubtful you will see your money again.

Agreed. And money related too.

I would write to her at once if she won't speak to you.
Just tell her how you love her and are worried about her.

I would also warn her that I need to see she is alright - and will be visiting if I don't hear from her in x days...

Can you contact the local authorities to check she is well?

I can't see the local authorities doing that .

Drugs, gambling, coercive partner?There is a story here that you know nothing about. Do all you can to contact her but do not send more money.

mumofmadboys - the police do it here - a "safe and well" check.