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Is this abuse

(41 Posts)
grannyactivist Mon 31-Mar-25 16:39:01

I agree this is financial abuse, so I’m afraid I would be telling him that I’m better off if I divorce him, so his options are to settle the matter amicably or he’ll have to pay out and you’ll claim for half the house, his assets and his pension.

BlueBelle Mon 31-Mar-25 16:38:54

I can only echo others … see a solicitor asap
You have a joint business but received no payment for four years??? Haven’t you asked any questions as to why ?

This does not sound a good or trusting marriage it sounds abusive, secretive and dishonest

Faierynan Mon 31-Mar-25 16:37:17

Get legal advice. My MIL married for the second time. Second husband suggested they should do mirror wills. She died first and the house became his making sure her three daughters received nothing. They were joint tenants. Although her will said her half was to go to her daughters his solicitors promptly made it his.

Wyllow3 Mon 31-Mar-25 16:33:56

See a solicitor! xx

welbeck Mon 31-Mar-25 16:32:08

You cannot rely on anything he has said.
Normally a marriage invalidates any prior will.
But not always. Depends how it is drafted.
Also you have no way of knowing whether he has made a subsequent will to exclude you.
Look up financial abuse.
Women's aid might point you in right direction.
See also Lundy Bancroft on YouTube.
Act now. Don't delay any longer.
All the best.
.

lovesun Mon 31-Mar-25 16:26:16

Thank you for your answer it is slightly
reassuring. We moved in to the house together but it suited best at that juncture to be in his name and mine added later. He did write a will without my knowledge stating his son, daughter and myself have one third share. We got married after that will was written so I am not sure if it still stands and he says it does.

Wheniwasyourage Mon 31-Mar-25 16:25:19

Oh dear, lovesun, this does indeed sound like abuse. I agree with the advice from other posters that you should see a lawyer as soon as you can, and definitely by yourself, or take a good friend along if you need support. flowers

M0nica Mon 31-Mar-25 16:21:15

Your husband should be doing some estate and tax planning anyway.

He probably is, but just lying to his wife that he has done nothing.

Personally, I would be consulting a matrimonial lawyer pdq. His behaviour is abusive and probably mendacious.

Septimia Mon 31-Mar-25 16:14:13

Do you have or will you have a private or state pension paid into your own bank account? That could be a starting point for ensuring your own security.

welbeck Mon 31-Mar-25 16:10:32

He obviously doesn't want to.
OP needs to secure her own future as far as possible.
And in the situation as it is.
Not waste any more time or emotional angst on how what it should be.

Silverbrooks Mon 31-Mar-25 15:56:44

You said our house but it sounds like his house. Did you move into his house when you married him?

Had he actually made a will of any kind?

If he hasn’t then you under the rules of intestacy you would inherit:

•All personal property and belongings.

•The first £322,000 of his estate.

•Half of any remaining estate.

The other half would be divided equally between his children.

In other words, if the other half of his remaining estate is worth as much as half the value in the house, his children could receive their legacies from the former.

Were he to make you a joint tenant in the house then you would inherit the whole house under right of survivorship as you would any assets held in joint names.

See a lawyer. Your husband should be doing some estate and tax planning anyway.

welbeck Mon 31-Mar-25 15:52:58

You need to go see a solicitor who deals with family law and or probate.
On what you written this sounds like financial abuse. At least.
Do not tell him. Take advice.
How long have you been married?
How old are the children?
Are you close to your own family?
Ad they say on MN you need to get your ducks in a row.
You need to look out for your own interests.
Forget about asking him.
He has not done so. He's not going to.
Again as they say on MN
When someone shows you who they are Believe them.

Do not confide in him.

ViceVersa Mon 31-Mar-25 15:52:22

It's very controlling behaviour, that's for sure.

Wyllow3 Mon 31-Mar-25 15:50:33

You are being emotionally abused, I think you realise that, but I know how complicated feelings can be.

I don't know the law as regards your rights in the house and inheritance, as you are married, but if you ring or see a solicitor to find out what they are (or what they are not) you may get more information to help you make decisions about what to do, it may out your mind at rest just a little.
You usually get half an hour free, I'd be prepared for an hour.

Newatthis Mon 31-Mar-25 15:45:29

I would go and see a lawyer to see how you stand. There are some lawyers who will give you a free half hour so there is no need for payment. What your husband is doing is wrong and controlling.

lovesun Mon 31-Mar-25 15:42:14

My DH will not put my name on our house or arrange for wills to protect me if he dies first.

We are both in our late 60s and have two children from previous relationships. I have no idea how much we have and he says we are not financially well off. I cant see how this is true when he works non stop and is well paid.

We have a joint business but it is not very profitable and I have not had any payment for about four years now. I live off a card from a joint account but he has refused to put money into my own account. He will not sign any paperwork to leave his shares to me if he dies first.

He has a pension but says he cannot draw on it due to taxes.

I am terrified he is ensuring his children get anything he has if he dies rather than ensure I am okay. If we are not well off then surely the only thing our children should get it is the house when we are both gone.

We are mortgage free and our house is worth quite a large sum.

I have told him how this is badly affecting my health, is making me unable to be loving to him but he just refuses to sort this out.

I would really appreciate if anyone can offer me advice as I am getting more ill as this goes on.