Is this abuse

I would go and see a lawyer to see how you stand. There are some lawyers who will give you a free half hour so there is no need for payment. What your husband is doing is wrong and controlling.

You are being emotionally abused, I think you realise that, but I know how complicated feelings can be.

I don't know the law as regards your rights in the house and inheritance, as you are married, but if you ring or see a solicitor to find out what they are (or what they are not) you may get more information to help you make decisions about what to do, it may out your mind at rest just a little.
You usually get half an hour free, I'd be prepared for an hour.

It's very controlling behaviour, that's for sure.

You need to go see a solicitor who deals with family law and or probate.
On what you written this sounds like financial abuse. At least.
Do not tell him. Take advice.
How long have you been married?
How old are the children?
Are you close to your own family?
Ad they say on MN you need to get your ducks in a row.
You need to look out for your own interests.
Forget about asking him.
He has not done so. He's not going to.
Again as they say on MN
When someone shows you who they are Believe them.

Do not confide in him.

You said our house but it sounds like his house. Did you move into his house when you married him?

Had he actually made a will of any kind?

If he hasn’t then you under the rules of intestacy you would inherit:

•All personal property and belongings.

•The first £322,000 of his estate.

•Half of any remaining estate.

The other half would be divided equally between his children.

In other words, if the other half of his remaining estate is worth as much as half the value in the house, his children could receive their legacies from the former.

Were he to make you a joint tenant in the house then you would inherit the whole house under right of survivorship as you would any assets held in joint names.

See a lawyer. Your husband should be doing some estate and tax planning anyway.

He obviously doesn't want to.
OP needs to secure her own future as far as possible.
And in the situation as it is.
Not waste any more time or emotional angst on how what it should be.

Do you have or will you have a private or state pension paid into your own bank account? That could be a starting point for ensuring your own security.

Your husband should be doing some estate and tax planning anyway.

He probably is, but just lying to his wife that he has done nothing.

Personally, I would be consulting a matrimonial lawyer pdq. His behaviour is abusive and probably mendacious.

Oh dear, lovesun, this does indeed sound like abuse. I agree with the advice from other posters that you should see a lawyer as soon as you can, and definitely by yourself, or take a good friend along if you need support.

Thank you for your answer it is slightly
reassuring. We moved in to the house together but it suited best at that juncture to be in his name and mine added later. He did write a will without my knowledge stating his son, daughter and myself have one third share. We got married after that will was written so I am not sure if it still stands and he says it does.

You cannot rely on anything he has said.
Normally a marriage invalidates any prior will.
But not always. Depends how it is drafted.
Also you have no way of knowing whether he has made a subsequent will to exclude you.
Look up financial abuse.
Women's aid might point you in right direction.
See also Lundy Bancroft on YouTube.
Act now. Don't delay any longer.
All the best.
.

See a solicitor! xx

Get legal advice. My MIL married for the second time. Second husband suggested they should do mirror wills. She died first and the house became his making sure her three daughters received nothing. They were joint tenants. Although her will said her half was to go to her daughters his solicitors promptly made it his.

I can only echo others … see a solicitor asap
You have a joint business but received no payment for four years??? Haven’t you asked any questions as to why ?

This does not sound a good or trusting marriage it sounds abusive, secretive and dishonest

I agree this is financial abuse, so I’m afraid I would be telling him that I’m better off if I divorce him, so his options are to settle the matter amicably or he’ll have to pay out and you’ll claim for half the house, his assets and his pension.

Why did it suit better to leave your name off when you moved in? Maybe it was for tax reasons? Either way it was a bit silly not to have protected yourself at that point.

You were planning to add your name later? Well, now is later! Get your name on that property as soon as you can girl.

Get yourself a solicitor. You have left yourself wide open to this abuse by not even knowing how much money you have, but yet you know his house is worth a lot.

It seems to me you have been a bit slack here. Time to tighten up.

The O/P needs to check it first before an ultimation?

I’m sorry to hear this OP. Did you contribute financially to the mortgage or purchase of the house? If you did and have proof of this that will hold you in good stead.
I’m no expert but I’m in a similar situation, in that me and my husband are of similar ages. I have three children from a previous marriage and he has two. To be honest he has always been better off than me but I always contributed what I can and now we are also mortgage free. The subject of inheritance was always an unspoken sort of looming subject, but a couple of years ago we sat down and talked about it. He has more savings and assets than me and I think he wanted to safeguard these for his children but didn’t know how to approach it. Once we got all this out in the open it was fine, and we made a will and let our children know the arrangements. It’s always tricky, but your husband needs to be open and honest and he’s not being. I would be very upset too. I agree with other posters - get your ducks in a row and get some proper advice now. If he doesn’t cooperate you have some hard conversations to have.

This is controlling and very disconcerting for you, my father did this when he remarried, he would not reassure any one what was in his will, it caused a lot of unpleasantness.

When I remarried I made sure my wife and my family know exactly how everything is going to be left, so relationships are excellent.

My sympathy to the OP, to reassure you a spouse cannot be disinherited, he has to provide for your future maintenence, if there is no will a spouse will get half if legally married.

I’m pretty sure there is no way that your husband can be forced to reveal the contents of his will. A friend of mine would not reassure his wife and began selling off assets ( dementure), his wife had to threaten divorce before he would back down. That’s a pretty drastic action to take but it did produce the result

Yes abusive.

Call a solicitor, now.

You need legal advice - you really do.

Faierynan

Get legal advice. My MIL married for the second time. Second husband suggested they should do mirror wills. She died first and the house became his making sure her three daughters received nothing. They were joint tenants. Although her will said her half was to go to her daughters his solicitors promptly made it his.

They were joint tenants
They should have been advised to be tenants in common as we are.

lovesun

Thank you for your answer it is slightly
reassuring. We moved in to the house together but it suited best at that juncture to be in his name and mine added later. He did write a will without my knowledge stating his son, daughter and myself have one third share. We got married after that will was written so I am not sure if it still stands and he says it does.

Any legally binding Will previously drafted in England and Wales is immediately nullified on marriage, unless it expressly mentions the intended union in the document.

Petra: The solicitors failed to register the Tenants in Common.