DDs relationship broken up - how to support

Norah I don't have any religious beliefs so praying wouldn't be right for me, except in the metaphorical sense, if that's the right word! I'm staying with her for a few days to help with decluttering and sorting things in the house but it's frustratingly slow work and I have to tread lightly literally and emotionally. Baby steps, I think. Foetal even. She is on the ADHD spectrum so though very organized work wise, home stuff can be a bit of a nightmare! She's a lovely mum and very loving but I have to be careful not to let 'helping' slip into ' interfering'.

Rowantree

Elowen my daughter has mental health conditions but in between has been and is an excellent loving and caring mother. I am not brushing off the overdose - I suspect it was a knee jerk act of despair - but I think with good ongoing support she will find her feet ( or in her case, foot). They plan to share care of their daughter 50/50 and adjust as work commitments allow. That's the theory. Mental health to team input is minimal but she pays for private therapy for herself and they both pay for counselling for their daughter anyway. It's in everyone's interest to keep the family going as far as possible.

It sounds as if they have a good plan. Perhaps nudge your daughter to a solicitor. A solicitor can sort financial support, there are guidelines based in income and days residing with whom.

Be there for your daughter, support her as you are able, help when you can with your granddaughter. Pray if that is your belief.

Elowen my daughter has mental health conditions but in between has been and is an excellent loving and caring mother. I am not brushing off the overdose - I suspect it was a knee jerk act of despair - but I think with good ongoing support she will find her feet ( or in her case, foot). They plan to share care of their daughter 50/50 and adjust as work commitments allow. That's the theory. Mental health to team input is minimal but she pays for private therapy for herself and they both pay for counselling for their daughter anyway. It's in everyone's interest to keep the family going as far as possible.

Your daughter needs some professional help, she either takes overdoses to manipulate a situation or genuinely wants to end her life. Either way she is not thinking about their daughter.

You will have to ensure your granddaughters needs are met, even if that means living with her father, your daughter is too fragile to be putting your granddaughters need first.

I really feel for you having to see the family break up and having to support them all.

Solicitor, then See what benefits, if any she can recieve if she has low earnings, is your daughter in receipt of Pip and child benefit. Also she needs to dort out maintenance.
I know the above is all financial but she needs to support herself and her child. I would also advise that she see's her GP as this is affecting her mental health.
She is lucky she has her parents for support as well. I hope this is sorted out soon.

"He's being kind and generous and says he'll give her an allowance to help support her"

It sounds like he is well aware your daughter will be awarded financial support, and he's preempted this by appearing "kind and supportive" and offering an allowance. She needs to see a solicitor as a matter of urgency to confirm her rights. I can't stress how important that is.

Rowantree - I feel your pain. I was heartbroken when my husband left, but I was more so, when my son-in-law (now Ex) left my daughter, a sweet, loving and devoted wife, who worked hard to keep the family finances in good shape , while he spent most of his time on the golf course.
I’m not good at giving advice, but I hope your lovely daughter and her partner can sort things out amicably. All the best

It does sound as though he is not emotionally engaged with your daughter and has possibly wanted to finish the relationship for some time.. I imagine her overdose probably consolidated his wish to leave.. Your daughter needs to speak to a solicitor and work out a proper financial settlement so that she knows what sort of money she can expect and whether that will require her to sell the family home if they own it. and then look at what sort of benefits she would be entitled to as a disabled person.. and workout child care sharing.. at least it sounds as though her husband is a reasonable person..
She will need you to be her support throughout this process but I think once she gets started she will probably cope.. She already knew when she asked him the question that the relationship was floundering..

Sort of similar, but no child involved. Marriage collapsed though and depression hit very hard.
He came home for a while to lick his wounds. I fed him well. We talked. I gave him space to gather his thoughts.
When he felt ready to start again he moved on.
He self-referred for telephone counselling and his GP was very supportive.

Would it help to find out what financial support your daughter is entitled to, from her partner or from benefits?
Could she move to a more affordable property?

Sorry not much help I know.

Just wanted to acknowledge your post and can feel your anguish in your words…don’t have any advice for you as no experience of this family trauma. But hoping and praying for you all🙏