My biggest problem is the fact that I'm scared of not finding a girlfriend again. I met with a woman when I was 21 and she was 31. It lasted for 1,5 years.
After that I tried finding a girlfriend but couldn't manage it somehow. I'm 25 now and incredibly needy. There're "what if" thoughts on my mind all the time. "What if she doesn't reply to my text? What if we go on a date but then she doesn't want to see me again? What if she misunderstands me kissing her on the cheek?" etc.
And probably because of these thoughts I've scared women that I've met away. I kept texting them to get guarantee that if we're gonna certainly meet or to understand that if they're still interested, etc.
I just need a guarantee that I'm gonna find a girlfriend. I know that life doesn't give guarantees but I just can't live that way. I also need to know that I'm not cursed or I don't have unluck in my life. I'm scared of being alone forever or finding someone only when I got old.
I also don't have a social circle. I have some friends but that's all. I generally try to meet women via cold approach. I know that this method isn't that effective but I've met with all women until now via cold approach. I just want that to work one more time. And I try to do that with respect and without being a creep.
What are your thoughts?
Also, can I manage these without meds? CBT didn't work at all by the way. Or should I just use meds until a new treatment comes along? My doctor said that I should be using meds for some time - maybe forever.
And one more thing, I've used around 15 meds and none of them worked properly. And my latest psychiatrist said that I have resistant OCD (I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 12 or 13 due to religious obsessions).
Thanks a lot.
