New Grandchild off limits for two weeks

I'm not sure I understand why the birth of the baby should be about anyone but the parents and the baby. Only two weeks and some people here would be starting fights over it! If she wants her mom there, so what? She's the one pushing it out. It isn't about the grandparents it is about the parents. If they want you there, great. If they don't, suck it up. You had your baby, so step back and let them have theirs.

Different generations do things differently. It's not that deep.

Macadia Perhaps a new trend is women standing up for themselves and their needs. Rather wonderful I would say. Although I have never been backwards in coming forwards in that regard. Ha.

A lot of mothers who have given birth to their daughters have a strong, protective, instinctual bond with their offspring, even when the DD is 30s/40s. It is natural for the mother to want to be with their daughter. It is a bond that an in-law can never have with someone elses offspring. Plain science.

I agree with Luminance. Its not a new trend. It is natural instinct for a mother to keep her offspring hidden and protected after giving birth. I am human but the last thing i wanted after arriving home with my first child 40 years ago would be "company over". I didnt need so-called help with being a mother to my infant. I didnt allow my infants in public til they were settled either. I enjoyed sleeping when baby slept and never had the slightest bit of unhappiness.

Also, I didnt put my baby down alone all the time like so many others do. Nine months in the womb, nine months next to the womb (in my arms). No one had the right to tell me the right way to be a mother. It was instinct.

Simply put, your DIL is the patient. It’s highly unlikely that you have the same relationship with her that she does with her own parents.

I think it’s very telling that the only concern you have is getting access to the baby. Nothing at all about your DIL, who will be going through a major medical event and left with a dinner plate sized internal wound after, at the very least.

We have to allow people to be different. Are we not supposed to love them for them rather than what they do for us?

Well DS rang us as soon as Labour started and again when they went to the hospital, and as soon as our lovely DGD was born. We were with them the next day. DDiL's mother was present at the birth and we stayed with her, while we were with the new parents and baby.

There doesn't have to be rivalry between the grandparents. Not every son is a Brooklyn Beckham.

I still don't think one brief visit, strictly timed, to see their descendant, is unreasonable for grandparents, then wait two weeks or as suggested.
Someone suggested recently that fathers should be given six months paternity leave. I rather think this laying down of strict visiting restrictions may possibly come from male influence.
Intrusion into female spaces? Just a thought.
I know I was waiting for the chance to have a really good chat with my friends, all recent mothers, to compare notes and ask their advice.

Shelflife

Years ago it was the norm to be in hospital for 7 to 10 days after delivery. Today's mother's are out and back home almost immediately after the birth. So I do understand why parents do not want to be swamped with visitors on their return home.
Giving birth is an emotional and physical time and parents - mums in particular need time to adjust.
A mother may well give priority to her own mother - hard as that is for paternal grandparents it is a natural thing. All GPs must go with the flow , so important if they wish to retain sound relationships with their AC and their children in law. Please accept , difficult as it is.

Excellent advice.

Two weeks privacy is not too much to ask !

Years ago it was the norm to be in hospital for 7 to 10 days after delivery. Today's mother's are out and back home almost immediately after the birth. So I do understand why parents do not want to be swamped with visitors on their return home.
Giving birth is an emotional and physical time and parents - mums in particular need time to adjust.
A mother may well give priority to her own mother - hard as that is for paternal grandparents it is a natural thing. All GPs must go with the flow , so important if they wish to retain sound relationships with their AC and their children in law. Please accept , difficult as it is.

Grams2five I would put it down to a women of my generation problem if I actually knew anyone who thought this way. It seems to be about 75% entitlement and competition here but I rarely see it otherwise.

Gingster

I really dislike this new fad.
So entitled and self righteous!

I couldn’t wait to show my baby off to grandparents and all who rejoiced in our new additions.

They should be grateful and thankful for a little help and support.

Imagine feeling entitled to someone else’s child , entitled to invading their recovery and forcing help they don’t want and then calling that person rhe selfish one lol 😂

Chardy

For some couples, new mum can say 'Go and make me a drink please, Mum/Dad' or 'Can you change the cat litter?' while spending all day in her nightie. I could never have done that with my in-laws!
New parents don't want to worry about the carpet being hoovered or the washing up done, they want to focus on baby, feeding, routine for a week or 2.
Personally I spent ten days in hospital slobbing with child no 1. This is their equivalent time.

All of this. It’s an entirely different experience to be in a nightgown , breasts exposed learning to breastfeed and completely wrecked from birth in front of one’s own parents , especially one’s own mother than to do so in front of anyone else. I would never have wanted my mil for all that. It’s a wonderful “fashion” that these new parents are able to feel empowered to safeguard this precious time imo. All I ever wanted with s new baby was a little time just for us. Two weeks isn’t anything in the grand scheme , give them time and space to put their new world together again and then visit with a smile and a meal when asked. Anything else will do you absolutely no good at all.

I totally agree gingster but I bet they ll be quick to enlist help when they want a night out or an hours rest
I couldn’t wait for people to see my babes

I really dislike this new fad.
So entitled and self righteous!

I couldn’t wait to show my baby off to grandparents and all who rejoiced in our new additions.

They should be grateful and thankful for a little help and support.

If these young parents think they are an island let ‘em get on with it.
It is nothing more than a fad that has been nurtured by social media. Yes babies are precious but so is wider family.
Before long they’ll come to realise the value of having willing Grandparents/aunties etc.

And yet it takes such little thought to understand that the role of parent should not be confused with the role of grandparents. This type of thinking must cause all sorts of issues I feel.

Have you asked if there is any reason why? Their reply may make you feel better for example if they say that everyone does it now, or it’s to avoid stress, so nothing personal. Ultimately I would put up and shut up but as my dear mum used to say I would think all the more.

I don’t really get that either.

I mean, the baby doesn’t know.

I guess I’m not that into babies😬

My granddaughter and her husband are looking at getting pregnant eventually. They told me, parents and close friends that if you want to see the new baby at the two week mark, I'd need a whooping cough vaccination and ensure all my vaccinations are up-to-date. Changes through the decades, I think a new trend. Discussed in depth, at their insistance the pros and cons. (they plan ahead) By the way I know I'm the favourite. I'm sure you may be over thinking. One of my daughters wanted me at the hospital just in case her partner didn't turn up, on all three deliveries. Two births were running late, the first couldn't handle the birth. I'm sure everything will turn out ok.

Lathyrus3

Would anyone like to tell me why it’s so important to see a baby straight away?
I mean a couple of weeks is nothing really, is it?

I genuinely don’t get it.

I think in this case, it's more about one set of grandparents being allowed to see the baby and the other not.

Would anyone like to tell me why it’s so important to see a baby straight away?
I mean a couple of weeks is nothing really, is it?

I genuinely don’t get it.

Two of my grandchildren have been born abroad, no I didn’t jump on the first plane. I waited until DD said it was convient to visit, as did the other GPs. I did the same for my local DDs when their DC were born.
Maybe I am not the usual GM, by not feeling desperate to see them at a day or so old but all I can say is I have good contact with all 5 of them, aged 9-21.
I will see the sixth and latest GS in a month’s time for the first time, well after my SiL’s parents. He is in good health which is all I wish for.

Anniebach is right in the main though, it is about mothers supporting daughters, not about who gets to see the baby.