New Grandchild off limits for two weeks

Whilst I can understand new parents wanting to have some time alone with the new baby (my granddaughter was the same) I think she should have the same rule for both sets of grandparents. It seems very cruel to me to let one pair visit but not the other! If I were the left out grandparent, I’m afraid I would be very hurt. And I am a person who strongly believes that people should do what they want to do, but not if it means being hurtful and thoughtless.

Forgot to say, inviting her parents to be there at the birth, is REALLY rubbing it in. (Why would you want them there anyway? I couldn’t have imagined my lovely Dad having a good view of my privates!! Ugh!)
I feel very sorry for her in-laws. They must feel so left out.
She is very unkind and thoughtless and I hope her baby doesn’t pick up the same traits.
And as a final word…..if I were the in-laws, there’d be no babysitting from me!!

Totally over the top but seems to be the new norm now
thankfully none of mine did this, they were only too glad of the help from me 😀

My granddaughter has been the first in our family to want time for just the three of them straight after giving birth . Can’t say I blame her, to be honest. I did find out after I wrote the above, that both sets of grandparents were allowed an early visit, which is great. I think they deserve that.
It’s all good. As long as we can all have some time with the new baby, we can’t complain.

I think that sometimes 'new to be' parents plan ahead to clear the decks because they feel they might overwhelmed. There could be all sorts of dynamics at play here. Perhaps your dil is v close to her parents or feels she can't say no or there is another kind of backstory. Perhaps you are a bit 'too much' ..(sorry...dont know you!) Perhaps she just wants space to work out her own way of being a mum. It could be so many things. I would advise you to graciously accept the 2 week stay -away request and not make a squeak about it. A dil IS different from a daughter. IMHO a Mil has to taken what's on offer and do it with a warm smile. Cry in private and let yourself feel the pain or rejection among good friends, but with your DS and dil dont make it about your feelings or you'll lose out in the end. None of us have a right to anything. Good luck xx

Oh how precious and stupid, her parents are going to be there. I think your son could have a better backbone and told her that it is his child as well and you will be welcome.
I find this couple pathetic at best and nasty at worse. To be fair I was not at the birth of any of my Grandchildren and I was thankful for it, but I was able to see my daughters son, my Grandson hours after his birth.
Please don't feel to badly OP you have 5 other Grandchildren and this did not happen so you know it is not anything you have done.

It is their child, so it is their decision.

If you make a huge fuss over this, your relationship with your son and his family may be at risk.

When I had DS (at home) I just wanted it to be "us" for a few days, plus a lovely supportive woman friend of mine.

Just how it was, my mum was a bit of a swamping person.

So I waited for invites from DS and DiL, and to be fair so did the other grandparents. Just out of sheer co-incidence when child 2 was born, I was in the area and visited a day after the birth, only to find a crisis on hand due to oxygen deprivation and mum stuck in a room not able to visit baby in the special care unit. I did my best but when DiL mum arrived she just wanted to cry with her mum. all understood.

Families are all so very different, and I agree with GG13, its up to the parents.

Their baby, their choices. Logistics, help is unnecessary.

If you fuss you will see less than if you wait patiently, imo.

We had this with DH's son - we had said let us know when is a good time to visit the new baby. Then promptly went on to see every Tom, Dick and Harry with their baby photos on social media!!
It took his sister to give him a rocket about how we hadn't been invited to see the baby after three weeks!!
Sadly, it's never been right since and he's nine now with two siblings. Sometimes waiting patiently just doesn't work and has a knock on effect further down the line.

For some couples, new mum can say 'Go and make me a drink please, Mum/Dad' or 'Can you change the cat litter?' while spending all day in her nightie. I could never have done that with my in-laws!
New parents don't want to worry about the carpet being hoovered or the washing up done, they want to focus on baby, feeding, routine for a week or 2.
Personally I spent ten days in hospital slobbing with child no 1. This is their equivalent time.

Nothing wrong with the new parents wanting a few days with their newborn, but to invite one set of in-laws to be present at the birth(?) or perhaps just at the hospital, while deliberately excluding the other is tactless to say the least, and they should both be ashamed of their unkind behaviour.

Could it be that she wants her mother to be with her at the birth and her father is just giving her mother a lift.

It's their baby. Let's hope all goes well.

Not an new trend, it's not about you

It is a medical procedure and it's only 15 days, you can respect the rule and not antagonize your relationship with the parents of the baby

Whatever you do, don’t let them think you’re feeling hurt or put out. Rise above it and your time will come.

Personally I’d want to tell them where to stick their precious baby but of course nobody would EVER do that but it doesn’t do any harm to vent your anger in private and boy, would I be angry!

Their baby, their choice, and I'm sure the OP realises that it wouldn't go down well go complain. However, to invite one set of grandparents to the birth and insist that other set wait 2 weeks is rather cruel. I wasn't a fan of my MIL (to put it mildly) but I was always welcoming and wouldn't dream of treating her so unfairly. And, to be honest, if I'd have suggested that she wait 2 weeks, my own Mum would have had a quiet word with me!

You only have to look on MN to see this is common with the mother's in laws.
As a mother of boys I fear you are always second best grandparent anyway but this is rather blatant.

Curlywhirly - same here. If I'd asked my mum to be there, but said M-i-L couldn't see the baby for two weeks, my mum would soon have let me know that that wasn't fair, probably even to the point of not visiting till M-i-L & F-i-L could come too.
Of all four grandparents when I had my first, my father in law was crying his eyes out.My Dad (I loved him to bits) was too busy milking his cows.

To be honest I would have been quite happy to not even have my husband at the births. I'm sure it would have been less stressful with just people who knew what they were doing.

My daughter was born on December 2nd, so my mother decided that we wouldn't want all the upheaval of spending Christmas Day with her and my father and would be much happier at home with our baby. Well! By the time we'd had a bit of lunch we were going stir crazy. Just us, the TV, and a crying baby. I ended up ringing and begging to be allowed to come and see them for a cup of tea and some actual conversation!

Even the Messiah was allowed visitors.
It just a baby for heaven’s sake, not the second coming.

She needs to get over herself!

Very mean I think ...I have 2GD from my DD ...I was present when both were born.....but even with DS2s DD , I saw her when she was a day old ....and I thought that was a big wait! ....I'm 60 now and my DD is 31....none of her friends have done this...its not a trend where I live

I do think this current fashion of the "isolation" of parents and baby is a bit OTT. It didn't happen in the past but they usually managed to bond OK. My DS went into SCBU and I couldn't get down to see him on my own so waited for my parents and DH to visit a few hours later and accompany me - so my parents saw him pretty soon after his birth. In-laws (further away) were invited to visit ASAP.

But, to be fair, everyone is different and entitled to do things their way. What the new parents don't take into account is the excitement of the grandparents. Perhaps the answer is to let the grandparents have an early brief visit and plenty of photos before parents and baby have a quiet 2 or 3 weeks on their own.

And, of course, while some grandparents can be interfering, many have experience that is useful (as long as they wait until they're asked for advice...)

Some of the new ways of parenting are ridiculous. Too many books spouting absolute nonsense in my opinion.