New Grandchild off limits for two weeks

Luminance

It's hardly a trend, it's actually recommended. Newborn babies are rather fragile to illness and it is believed to support the mothers mental health. I also feel that whether someone is allowed into those first weeks can depend on their ability to be supportive and follow whatever the latest sensible guidelines are for new babies. It is only 2 weeks, these women have carried for most of a year. I am always rather shocked at how entitled people are to other people's children.

Where do you live? Its certainly not a recommendation in the uk....not from health professionals anyway

Yes much depends on the individual

Anniebach

The pregnant woman wants her mother with her, so natural to want our mother near surely?

I think that depends on the individual. The last person I would have wanted anywhere near me when I was giving birth would have been my mother.

I would say be very careful not to say anything. Dil knows how her decision will hurt. I would comply with whatever they want. Get on with your own life, expect nothing, she has shown you what she thinks of you, men listen to their wives. Any time you get with your gc just make the most of it. My mother would definitely have put me in my place if I had left mil out, which I never would have. We were bought up to be respectful and kind.

eazybee

^It is the mother who has to give birth, (agreed) the parents may be the type of parents (which parents? There are three sets involved?) to put their own child's needs before seeing the grandchildren (which grandchildren?).^ This is the mothers own mother who is likely there as a mother. It does make sense indeed.
Sorry, but your sentence does not make sense.

Oh dear, I will simplify it for you. Perhaps the parents of the new mother are the type of parents who are there to support their daughter during birth, not there to see the grandchild. Which makes sense if the expectancy mother has a close and supportive relationship with her own mother. Simply. She is not inviting the grandparents to the birth, they are there as her parents and close support system. Which does indeed make sense if you stop confusing grandparent roles and parent roles.

Fifteen years ago my twin grandchildren were born at 33 weeks and were in special care. No-one apart from parents were allowed in SCBU so no grandparent saw them for 3 weeks apart from hundreds of pics ! Then when they came home. It was a matter anyone visiting was given a baby to hold / change or feed DIL expressed breast milk as they needed tube feeding at first.
I remember total chaos and DIL in PJ’s for weeks but she didn’t care at all just was grateful for all the help. I do have a good relationship with my in-law children fortunately as sadly they both lost their mothers when the GC were very small .

The pregnant woman wants her mother with her, so natural to want our mother near surely?

It is the mother who has to give birth, (agreed) the parents may be the type of parents (which parents? There are three sets involved?) to put their own child's needs before seeing the grandchildren (which grandchildren?). This is the mothers own mother who is likely there as a mother. It does make sense indeed.
Sorry, but your sentence does not make sense.

I am speaking as someone with sons, no daughters of my own. I also have grandchildren and good relationships with my DIL. The truth is that many do not have those good relationships and are kept slightly at bay without knowing that is the case.

easybee It is the mother who has to give birth, the parents may be the type of parents to put their own child's needs before seeing the grandchildren. This is the mothers own mother who is likely there as a mother. It does make sense indeed. When I see a grandparent who is already talking "fair" and acting hurt that someone else's time and child is not being sliced up like a cake with equal topping, I can immediately see why the situation has arisen. We are adults and not children.

The point, Luminance, is that the prospective parents have decided to allow the wife's parents to be present in the hospital, (hard to believe they will not be allowed to see the baby) but deliberately excluded the husband's parents for a fortnight, which is causing unhappiness before the child is born.
Exclude both sets if necessary, but one brief visit from two sets of grandparents isn't going to disrupt this much-hyped bonding process.

It's the new stupid way! I work with someone who denied she was pregnant even when she had an enormous bump and gave birth 2 weeks later, she won't divulge name or sex of baby and baby is now 18 months old (we have found out from a neighbour) and therefore she is very limited to where she can go or visit in case she bumps into someone who might find out. Until this situation I would have said she was a sensible young woman. When mine were born I was grateful for help and happy to proudly show off my newborn.

This is really unfair and unkind, in my opinion. I'd be very hurt. Fortunately it wasn't a problem back in the day.
I saw all my grandchildren very soon after they arrived, thankfully. Both those born and those adopted.
It's become a silly trend for no sensible reason whatsoever.
And the thing is, you dare not say anything for fear of being banned, estranged, or some other horrible modern thing.
I do wish you luck in having a great relationship with this grandchild in spite of this setback.

I have to say I don’t really get the “I must see the baby straight away’ thing.

Having seen several new(sh) babies at different times after their birth, it hasn’t actually made a jot of difference to my relationships with them thereafter. The babies didn’t know or care or even (shock) want me there.

Some new parents couldn’t wait for me to come and see the baby. Others were grateful I said let me know when it’s good and they didn’t have to deal with my wants.

Maybe her parents are the ones that have made a fuss and insisted and you’ll be the nice reasonable ones😬

My son and his partner have a delightful daughter, born 18 months ago. After reading many threads on GN and MN on the latest fashion of not letting anyone see the baby for days and even weeks, I wondered how the arrival of the baby would be handled by them. Pleased to say, that they couldn't wait to show her off to family and friends, they were so excited. So it isn't all young ones following this trend. My other son and his wife, who have older children, were the same. It never stopped them bonding with their babies, they are all devoted parents.

easybee Are you suggesting that the parents should sacrifice their feelings and needs for the grandparents and potentially other friends or family members too? Seems a rather unhealthy way to start that relationship. Most mothers have no control over the birth, why not let them have a short 2 weeks, be supportive, perhaps send some sort of food? Perhaps they would be so touched the invite would come sooner.

I need to add that my daughter in law’s parents will be welcome to be at the hospital during the birth.

They may not be at the foot of the bed, but as they are there it is a reasonable assumption that they will be allowed to see the new baby even if only through a window. Meanwhile, the other grandparents are not to be allowed sight nor sound for a fortnight.

I don't know this family; if I knew them personally I would probably advise the unhappy grandparents not to say anything for fear of exacerbating an already delicate situation.
But I don't know them so I am expressing my opinion impersonally that there is far too much tolerance extended to new parents who are unfeeling and unkind towards their parents and completely impervious to any feelings of distress or concern they engender by excluding the most minimal contact with their new baby. We have seen the way the unlovely Meghan Markles have behaved towards their extended family, and has it made anyone happier, despite all the endless gush dripping from Meghan's lips?

I saw both my DGD's within hours of them being born, the first was a planned homebirth and as a NNEB nursery nurse I think I was a help

This situation must be greatly disappointing but seems to be how it's done nowadays. I think the OP will just have to accept it and smile sweetly

I was at the hospital when my elder daughter gave birth to my
first child, in the hospital which does not mean in the birth room, I was there because my daughter may have needed me

It's hardly a trend, it's actually recommended. Newborn babies are rather fragile to illness and it is believed to support the mothers mental health. I also feel that whether someone is allowed into those first weeks can depend on their ability to be supportive and follow whatever the latest sensible guidelines are for new babies. It is only 2 weeks, these women have carried for most of a year. I am always rather shocked at how entitled people are to other people's children.

It is the trend these days.
It is their baby and their decision.
I do recall in the past being concerned about my father in law's and my mother's chain smoking !
But as your inlaws were allowed at the birth it seems that you are being excluded .
You have a choice -
A) Just ignore it and visit when invited
B ) Challenge them .
I've gone through all kinds of nonsense with my daughter in law .
I thought that I got on really well with her until her mother died then I was banned from the funeral and her house because I was still alive .
Later I was asked to look after my grandson
She ignores my phone calls and texts .
Neither are my gifts acknowledged .

Pappyandgigi

Our son and daughter in law are having their first child. We have been told not to come to the hospital, and that we won’t be able to see our grandchild for the first two weeks after her birth. We have five other grandkids and have never experienced this. Is this a new trend with parents? I need to add that my daughter in law’s parents will be welcome to be at the hospital during the birth.

It’s a trend alright, a fad, and maybe in time it will go the way of other fads hopefully.
Shrug, think how silly it is and don’t fret about it.

Where did she say ANYTHING about them being at the birth?

What a shame the dynamics have changed so early. I went through similiar years ago with my son’s first daughter and it seemed a bit of a pattern that the paternal side was less involved. Dint pick her up. Less visits. Our relationship with our son is fine but I don’t feel at all close to my grandaughter. We backed off not to cause bother.

I feel it is very unfair to exclude one set of grandparents. They both should both be treated the same unless a very good reason to exclude one set!! It will only cause unhappiness.

Personally I would not have had anyone other than DH present at the birth of my two daughters.

I would tell your son how you feel.