What is the best thing to say?

It’s completely understandable that you’re worried, you’ve seen your friend go through a lot, and it’s hard to watch her let someone back in who’s already hurt her deeply. You're right: ultimately, it’s her choice, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay silent.

You don’t need to confront her harshly, but you can gently express your concern. Something like, “I know it’s your life and I’ll always respect your decisions, but I just want to say I’m really worried seeing him back around after everything he put you through. I care about you and just don’t want to see you hurt again.” That way, you’ve shared your feelings without making her feel judged.

Sometimes people fall back into familiar patterns, especially when they’re kind-hearted. Let her know you’re there, no matter what, but it’s okay to set boundaries for your own peace too.

Nothing you say will made any difference, she will be back. Some people are drawn to those sort iof relationships for some reason.
Petra glad you made a good life, your poor mother what a life she must have had. It's heartbreaking.

fancythat

Sorry to hear about your mother petra
A double blow when you and your sister had helped, and then she returned.

Thank you for that.
I met up with her and my father when I got together with my partner 45 years ago. I never saw or spoke to her again.

Sorry to hear about your mother petra
A double blow when you and your sister had helped, and then she returned.

My work brings me into contact with victims of Domestic Abuse....sadly, there are a number of women who I've seen time and time again who will return to their abusive partner or develop other relationships which are also abusive.

I think unless someone really gets professional support - they will carry on and you can only be there when it goes wrong.

Back away from her ! Look after yourself - harsh I know but whatever you say to her, she won't listen !!

I’ve had 3 women in my life who suffered from what some call battered woman’s syndrome.
One being my mother. Me and my sister got her away from my father, set her up with everything she needed then 2 years later she went back to him.
One had a restraining order on her partner but she still meets up with him.
Another on was a very successful business woman. She lost nearly a million pound to him before literally running for her life.

Maybe she’s likes these types of relationships really, some women do

Do they? I hadnt realised that.

I agree with Cossy post.

so many people with a friend who;

not your business!

The long- divorced ex husband of an acquaintance turned up on her doorstep after his relationship had broken down. He was terminally ill and needed a place and a carer for his final days.
She did just this.
The rest of us were incredulous but kept our counsel.
Be there if/ when your friend needs you.

Cossy: Ive tried that, reminded her that she went to the Police to enquire about Clare's Law and he still keeps on at her. He insists she loves him when she has said she doesnt. But she still won't tell him to go and stay away.
Yes she is mad !
I will back off and be there if and when.

I’d very tactfully simply ask her if this is what she really wants, and does she remember events from the past, then just step back a little, but be there if needed.

I must say, I think your friend is mad!

By not telling her, she will probably think you are ok with this situation. You don’t have to be nasty, then back off!
Maybe she’s likes these types of relationships really, some women do.

Testicular swelling!. I was trying to be polite. Thank you all for your responses so far

Maybe there is an appropriate book you could gift her about this behavior. Any suggestions of a title, Gnetters?

Make it a parting gift and leave it at that.

Say nothing.

I’d say nowt and keep a lower profile. While you can. She’ll be in touch, heartbroken. Just a case of when…

Who needs the drama? Not you hopefully. I know I wouldn’t.

Say nothing, because it won't make any difference, and the snide remarks show he recognises you know him for what he is.
She is obviously attracted to difficult, dangerous men.

How much you wish to preserve your friendship depends on you.
Sad.

Your friend has had, and maybe still has, feelings for this man. There must have been strong chemistry if she left husband no.1 for him. Maybe she actually wants to care for him, hard though that might be to understand.
In any case, say nothing. She'll come to you with the problems that will arise.
As others have said, be there for her meanwhile. And you don't have to visit when this man is there. What a toad.

Back off from her, & she may get the drift, first I would ask her if she’s doing the right thing entertaining him again? Then back off, because you are dammed if you do say something & dammed if you don’t, so you may as well say something.

Me too BB !!

I was reading it with care until I got to the nasty controlling man who she had to have the police out to remove from the house turns up years later with a swelling down below !!!
Sorry but that lost me then

Quite why she would want this guy back I can’t imagine, I would be telling him and his ‘swellings down below’ to take a hike. Not your place to say similar tho.Or only if asked.

I believe that this man is demonstrating "hoovering "
This is done by narcissists when it's all gone pear shaped for them .
Every thing will be hunky dory for your friend until he recovers and then it will start all over again .
You are her friend and care about her as you watch another "car accident in slow motion "
Trust me ,she won't be listening to you .

The best thing to say is nothing.