Why my husband does not communicate well enough with me

I have always felt never respected enough by my husband, even though the marriage goes and is all round working normal marriage. He is not abusive and shares his money with me, however there are areas of life where he would do things asking his mother only and putting me in front of done deals.

What angered me was not that he is helping with little things, but that he got so much enthralled in his knight in shiny armour role, that he gave his mobile to the GP who are now bothering him on the phone about the old man. We are not doing any care for the man, I just say Hi to him. I know I cannot offer much because I work and then have things to do at home and he got so deluded that forgot to think and was talking on his mobile while driving with my child in the car.

When I try to talk to him, he jus tries to shut me up. My asks are very valid and my anger is valid. Do I have to accept my husband does not respect me - any opinions welcome, the more realistic and stern, the better also. This is how much I am fed up

Milsa

I have always felt never respected enough by my husband, even though the marriage goes and is all round working normal marriage. He is not abusive and shares his money with me, however there are areas of life where he would do things asking his mother only and putting me in front of done deals.

I think this is maybe the most important post. The business with the old man is possibly something that is important to him and not necessarily about his relationship with you; but if you feel disrespected it is important that he considers that and takes your concerns on board.

This is probably a daft question given what you've said - but would he consider couples counselling?

I dont understand why he would need your opinion on things which do not involve you, either regarding his mother or the neighbours.

He is not into any things like counselling

The other question: it is because he makes family plans related with my mother in law without even notifying me she is coming sometimes; The neighbours - I still have to know where he goes and what he does with who. Might be someone I don't know and am not aware of , it is not about control but being informed and communicated with

If the neighbour has carers then it is they with whom doctors should be communicating primarily not the man next door who runs small errands - unless he’s also collecting medication from the pharmacy for him and it’s something to do with that. Doctors do need a contact number. Is the neighbour not capable of answering his own phone?

You said the more realistic and stern. You are right to be cross if your husband is putting other lives in danger by using a mobile phone while driving (his passengers and other people on the road) but other than that I don’t think you have any other reason to complain about this. He’s just helping out, being a decent neighbour.

As for other aspects, without examples of what he has done to upset you, it’s impossible to say. People are allowed agency over their own lives and don’t have to run everything by a partner unless it has some negative material or practical implications for the person not consulted, say, if he invites people over without mentioning it and expects you to cater and entertain, but he doesn’t need permission to invite someone to his own home.

I still have to know where he goes and what he does with who.

Why do you have to? He is entitled to privacy.

Is this for real !!!

BlueBelle

Is this for real !!!

I’m wondering 🤷‍♀️

OP has been with us for some months. I suspect that she is not British born but lives in Britain with a and I am wondering whether there is a culture discordancy with both partners having different expectstions based on different backgrounds.

That can happen even when both partners have similar backgrounds.

With the driving while using the phone you could have simply told him to pull over.
The subject of the call is irrelevant.
You say that your husband does not show you enough respect but you seem to despise him.
Speaking of knight in shining armour etc.
He probably feels nagged and negged and is grateful to go somewhere where his efforts are appreciated.
Would you be better apart ?

Elowen33

I dont understand why he would need your opinion on things which do not involve you, either regarding his mother or the neighbours.

It’s called normal communication between couples! When my husband was alive, we had great discussions.
If either of us wanted to do something out of the ordinary, we would always discuss it. Isn’t that what marriage is about- caring and sharing, good and not so good?

Milsa, concerning your husband's friendship with a neighbour, perhaps your husband thinks his friends are his own business. Presumably the neighbour is not a criminal or anything?

Concerning your husband's not communicating with you, this may be the common male gender characteristic of not being interested in anyone's inner self but only in what they do.

Concerning not telling you when he has issued an invitation that does not suit you, just leave him to get on with it alone.

Thank you, Cross stich

Heaven forfend that your husband should do/think anything at all without asking your opinion.

Reported

Now I ll get to you Milsa
I cannot see what the problem is apart from you sound rather jealous of what your husband does outside of your life together
Let’s take it bit by bit
The neighbours - I still have to know where he goes and what he does with who of course you don’t need to know where he is and what he does all the time Nice if husband and wife share information but not a ‘have to’ at all You sound very insecure

He has been making himself looking like a hero you sound very jealous

He was phoning in the car not using a handset I m not sure what you mean if he was hands off that’s ok

He consults his mother about things …well maybe he knows
he ll get negative answers from you
The marriage sounds very difficult he’s a good provider but no mention of love Was this an arranged marriage ?
You sound very unhappy You can have counselling for you by yourself you don’t need to only have couple counselling