Should I start messaging instead of phoning?

keepingquiet perhaps she will think about it and then respond more positively? Hope so.

I messaged my daughter with difficult news, a few words and she messaged back with a few words.

If this is the future of communication then I really will be KeepingQuiet.

They say Silence is Golden though...

keepingquiet don’t be sad just think of it as another way of keeping in touch.
I often text my DD and she responds. We then have quite a lot of background knowledge of what’s going on in each others lives when we do speak. At the moment for example she has just put an offer in for a house, she sends me details, I have a look at it on Google Earth then put in my expert opinion!!
I’m waiting to see if they have accepted her offer but will have to wait until tomorrow as it’s past her bedtime in Aus now.

I much prefer email to phone calls. I don't like my time interrupted. Perhaps your daughter is busy and feels interrupted.

It seems your daughter prefers texts, perhaps just text and wait?

It is of course lovely to have face to face contact but in between WhatsApp is a great way to chat.

If you use messenger or face time you can also see each other. Perhaps that’s more important when far apart but I love that I can notice things like the fact my DD has had her hair cut etc.
Messaging can be very useful but can also be a real faff.
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M0nica

In our famiy we ring each other at least once a week for a long comfortable conversation.

Talking is entirely different from texting/ whatsapp etc etc. Telephoning is about person to person communication where each is present and you are having a free flowing conversation with interuptions laughs and sighs.

Texting is fine for communicsting information, but for communicating person to person warmth and the interaction that is part of a close and intimate relationship, phone calls win hands down.

Thanks MOnica- I think we're on the same page here!

In the end it is all down to personal preference and how involved we want to be in each other's lives.

I will, as someone said, just go with the flow...

Years ago, before phones were common or calls were cheap, people wrote letters or postcards to each other. My father worked away from home in 1950s, no easy phone contact, but he and my mother wrote letters every day, and sometimes I drew a picture or wrote a few lines. The modern equivalent is text/WhatsApp messages. So written communication instead of oral on phone, is not a new phenomenon.

I don't ring my family now I wait for them to ring me but we do What's app/message during the week. When we do speak I hear lots about how busy they are so I take the hint and don't intrude. Strange I used to be busy too and look after them and visit my parents and MIL at weekend. Still hey ho such is the modern world.

It really is down to what makes you happier, as long as the recipient is willing to go along with your choice.
I much prefer WhatsApp, as you can send photos, memes, videos, and include carefully selected others. Different apps for different small groups. Face time for special occasions. Really helped during lockdown.
Hope it goes well for you.

You are right M0nica - sometimes we have to just "set eyes on" our loved ones.

And have a hug.

keepingquiet so sorry you are in a rough patch. I hope it passes soon.

I am struggling a bit at the moment too - but after just a few words on WhatsApp yesterday (and me not saying very much) one of my adult children just showed up.
"I thought I needed to check on you" he said.
(And promptly gave me too much advice)

WhatsApp is a day to day thing. Little videos and voice messages as well (that you can listen to again and again).

My older grandchildren send me things directly too now.
I'm sure they'd never call me by phone unless there was a disaster!

Thinking of you keepingquiet.

Luckygirl3

There's plenty of person to person warmth on our WhatsApp!

Not at all the intimacy of both people being present. Just as a phone call womderful though it is does not compare with physically being with someone you love.

Just ask her what she would prefer and take it from there…….none of us know how she preferences to communicate.

I prefer to phone , I’m a very slow typer
DD rings me , I can hear her moving about , emptying the washing machine , clearing up walking the dog
Her sister prefers FaceTime so she can knit while chatting
We do WhatsApp messages in between
Sons just txt

There's plenty of person to person warmth on our WhatsApp!

In our famiy we ring each other at least once a week for a long comfortable conversation.

Talking is entirely different from texting/ whatsapp etc etc. Telephoning is about person to person communication where each is present and you are having a free flowing conversation with interuptions laughs and sighs.

Texting is fine for communicsting information, but for communicating person to person warmth and the interaction that is part of a close and intimate relationship, phone calls win hands down.

One son likes to chat the other doesn’t and so we usually exchange messages. It’s who they are as people. If I need or simply want to speak to the latter I always message first asking when would be convenient. Works for us.

I think you said your daughter phones in the week keepingquiet and you chat then? If so I think I’d wait for a space in what feels a relaxed chat and simply ask in a straightforward way what she’d prefer at the weekend. Or wait until you see her. In the meantime be aware of her voice tone at weekends and if she sounds stressed perhaps suggest you send a message with the rest of your news. It’s about balancing your needs along with hers.

I do agree many people don’t or won’t use a phone to simply chat now. Our grandchildren rarely do, they much prefer messaging with their friends. It’s all change I fear.

And please do not think that your DD preferring 21st century conversation mode means that she can't be bothered to talk with you. She is just of her era
I do speak to my more distant DD on the phone too but I am always conscious of how busy she is with family and full time job so it feels rushed. I do not interpret that as her not wanting to be bothered.
Best not make an issue of it and just go with the flow ....

Having read through these responses I have to admit to finding it a little sad.
Maybe I have to face the fact that conversations with close family are not altogether what people want anymore.
Are we all really that busy?
I know my adult children are struggling with lots of stuff, and although I don't believe for a minute they only rely on me for support, and for that I am grateful- I do think my DD was quite shocked yesterday by finding out things she was not fully aware of, simply because we had not had time to talk about them.
Maybe other people's lives are smoother and easier than ours I don't know, but when the crunch comes we need more than a superficial measure of support. Life has been tough for us the past few years.
However, news I have received this morning and will impact on DD will be communicated to her by text now and I will leave it to her to respond in what ever ways she wants.
Thanks again for your enlightning responses.

I find WhatsApp great with my family. We "chat" almost daily. They send photos and we keep up to date on what each is doing. The Dear Daughters group is buzzing. It is more of a chat, and far more regular and ongoing, than phone calls. It really is like a conversation. And you can dip in and out depending on what you are doing. Your DD would not have to devote a chunk of time to it but can chat along during the day.
Why not give it a go? I think you will find there will be more communication not less.

I have noticed that since my DD became Headteacher she calls much less often, once a week now if I am lucky. Whereas it used to be 2 or 3 times a week.

I rang her Saturday, but call lasted 5 minutes as she said she had tons of work to do!

So most of our information is sent by WhatsApp.

DS rarely calls, but if I call him we can chat for about 20 minutes or so.

The granddaughters have never called for a chat, it is all done over WhatsApp!

Calendargirl that’s what I do too. We message each other to see if it’s convenient. The time difference adds a small degree of difficulty. Then we generally have a video chat for about 30mins- an hour. In between we message.
We(my family) have about 5 separate groups so can speak individually or collectively.
The bigger group tends to be text only because otherwise it gets too unwieldy.
It’s fantastic because my DD in Aus can also keep in touch with cousins and see all the new arrivals that seem to be being born with amazing regularity at the moment.
Still talk to mum on the phone though, she doesn’t do anything technical.

My DD, in Australia, and I, use Messenger for our weekly chat.

When I used to phone her, we chatted for an hour which was the limit for the paid time.

Nowadays we sometimes struggle to find enough to chat about for half an hour. It seemed to be different when the GC were younger.

My DS, who lives a few minutes away from us, just sends messages when he wants something! “Can we borrow the power washer? type of query.

When mum was in her 80’s I rang her every day for an hour. It meant so much to her and I had the time. However, in my thirties I was dragged out of legal meetings to be told by colleagues that mum was having an issue requiring urgent attention but she was just lonely even with a partner. Result? I hate phone conversations and always WhatsApp my son. He’s very busy and I remember the looks from my colleagues all those years ago. Son and I are close and he just told me to ring him without worrying if he’s busy. I will and if he’s in a meeting he will tell me. I try to phone my older friends as many don’t use WhatsApp and computers but most do.