Parents

Allsorts

Mell, are your parents in the lives of their children or get just a visit. I ask you that because my d estranged me, so i haven't seen her or my gc, my son visits for an hour max every few weeks and I don’t know what to talk to him about, if i ask about the family, the reply is, I don’t know they are grown up its their business, I take that as, don't pry, but I don't say that, .he doesn't want to hear about my friends etc as
he says he does not know them, .I invite him and dil for meals, but its also no to that. In my heart I know I am just a duty so i twitter to fill the silence. I would love to go to a garden centre with them, anything or be invited over for a cuppa, I don’t feel a part of a family any more. I wonder if your parents don't know what to talk about, just tell them you are not interested in
knowing about their money but want to know where and what they have been doing. Could they consider a holiday maybe, something to look forward too. It is important to occasionally do things together.
I do agree with Maggieane about some elderly and their wealth. .
I do really envy people who have lovely close relationships with their parents.

Many thanks for your reply.

I am married, with 1 grown up son. I’m also an only child, so we are a very small family.
Our son & girlfriend, lived with us for 5 years & moved into their first house 2 months ago.
I always have to visit my parents, they never come to us. We are a half drive from each other & my Mum drives.
So no we are not in each other’s lives & they are not in their grandsons, either.
A holiday for them would be a great idea, they wouldn’t go, though. They have no interest to go abroad. Maybe I could talk to them about a holiday in this country??
My Dad was going to a local history group (something he is interested in). He went 6/7 times and has stopped going & when I asked him why he said ‘I just can’t be bothered’. The group was a 10 minute walk from their house! Dad retired 15 years ago, was working one day & retired the next! He has really not done anything since he stopped working.

I’m sorry things aren’t so good with your children.

I also envy people who have a close relationship with their parents.

I was brought up to believe that it's rude/common to talk about money except within the family! Don't know why.

Mell, It sounds as if your parents lives have shrunk right down by choice, it would drive me mad. They had the choice to come and see you but want to stay put. People who never spend just leave it to someone else.

My mum was widowed very young but had a pood pension left by my dad, as well as her own state pension and teacher's pension. She was comfortably off but generous to me, my brother and her grandchildren and gave a lot to charities, though in some cases we didn't know until she died. She didn't talk much about money except to let us know what we needed to know. My brother lived near her and had power of attorney so he knew more than me.
My inlaws were rather better off, but after they retired they kept referring to themselves as 'poor pensioners'! They certainly weren't! My MiL commenting on the fact that my mum rarely went on holiday, said "If she didn't give so much money to the church she'd be able to have nicer holidays!" The fact was she didn't often go on holiday as she had no-one to go with after dad died and was mostly happy to have my Aunt and Uncle to visit or come to stay with us and spend time with her family. She was well able to afford holidays but didn't really want them.
After mum died I inherited a significant amount from her enabling me to keep my home after my divorce. Now I really am a 'poor pensioner' as I still have a mortgage and my income is pretty low, but there are plenty people worse off than I am!
I think people with more money aften put more store in it and maybe talk about it more. It's very sad if people don't do much or go many places after retirement and don't have anything else to talk about. Since retiring I'm still busy and am part of a number of community social groups as well as doing some volunteering so there's plenty to talk about without getting onto money.

Maybe it is in the interest of not getting you to worry about them? If they have jobs then not spending it on holidays and hobbies ?

I would suggest that you tell them to keep their finances to themselves incase somebody hears the conversation and tries to scam them

Some people would be quite happy if they paid no taxes whatsoever - that is if they had plenty of money to pay for services privately. Of course, the money would invariably disappear quite quickly if that were the case - unless they were multi-millionaires. Then their views would change.

My mum and my inlaws were interested in money. They weren't short but as someone said upthread, they once were having lived through the war and rationing.
My mother kept account books, she was widowed with 3 young children so it was a necessity.
She loved a bargain and was critical of people she considered mean with money.
A shame that your dad doesn't have any interests Mell. Could he be depressed?

The only person we talk money with is the youngest daughter.
But, this is always in a joking way as she’s a see it, want it, buy it sort of girl.

Two things come to mind, either money is what their core value is, or their pride which is basically the same or why they need to tell their children that dad is rolling in money.

The only time someone more mature than me told me this was a woman who was part of living in couple for the actual rich couple. They were their maid and gardener. The gardener was envious to death of his employers and his wife told me they pay him so much that he, lol, rolls in money. It was a lie. I know they were broken because when the rich family stopped their contracts, they ended back in the old country, on only his UK state pension, rebuilding an abandoned ruinwith their bare hands

Theur adult kids stayed in the UK and gave 0 .....for their fate.

Or as I'm thinking now, if the old gardener spread that garbage to his adult kids, that's why they let them to rebuilding the ruin.

Well you can always say can I have some then .jokingly

No!

I am going to say this can be normal insofar as older people can get a bee in their bonnet about a single subject, your parents is money. My mother now long gone got obsessed with the possibility of a new building being erected opposite her flat she talked about it every time we saw her. It's possible that your mother and father think you are worried about money and want to reassure you there is some around. Amazing your mum still holds a job down at 82 but isn't your 85 year old father rather lonely?

No, I don't think talking about money often during retirement is necessarily normal. Perhaps they are just worriers? Maybe they want to live in a nice care home and worry to cost? IMO elderly people worry about escalating costs.

mabon2

No it is not normal at all, they are both miserable gits who are comfortably off. Why is a woman of 82 still working, not enough money for some I guess? Why doesn't she try to enjoy the years she has left. I, aged 84 widow live on a very modest pension and am quite content. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, clothes, pay all the bills and run a four year old Toyota Aygo all on £14,000.00 a year.

I too was wondering why parents in their 80’s work, wonder what they do?
Am guessing steeplejacking or lorry driving is out 😄
It’s not exactly normal for older, or any age people to constantly talk finances with their family, but neither is it all that strange.Some people like to let others know, it’s a source of pride and comfort to them.

Some people just love their job and they don't want to give up.

Personally, I think it's better to leave and open up the vacancy for younger people. If they have money and plenty of energy then volunteering is a good idea.

Mum works 2 evenings a week at Sainsbury’s.
Dad retired at least 10 years ago (probably longer).
He was at work one day retired the next & hasn’t done anything since.

Lots of people don't want to retire.

My husband works, always will I reckon.