Shall I let this Friendship go?

You don't necessarily know another person's state of mind - whether their memory is failing, whether there are problems in their own lives, etc. It seems a shame to lose a friendship, albeit one kept alive by you, just for the sake of perhaps a short letter.

Well, it sounds like this wasn't really exactly a 53 year friendship but had actually downgraded to an acquaintance-ship decades ago.

Your kids got older, you both moved away and you were the main one reaching out--- from time to time.

I mean, didn't you notice all that?

I can identify with this. I think the reality is that some folk are and will always be initiators and others are just not that way minded. There are folk where I’ve stepped out of the initiator role and the “friendship”, if it ever actually was that, has just fizzled out. With others haven’t seen each other for years but then just slot back into comfortable chat when we do meet up. However it’s wearing always being the one who is expected to make the first move and these days I’ll only do that for folk I am very very fond of! Also I think it’s worth remembering that there are some friendships that just naturally run their course with no ill feeling on either side.

Suzieque66

Thank your lucky stars you had this wonderful friendship for years and years .. some people dont have any friends at all ...

But then there is the loss to cope with, so not really a very helpful comment.

Thank your lucky stars you had this wonderful friendship for years and years .. some people dont have any friends at all ...

This has happened to me with 2 cousins (they are sisters). Although only living 50 miles from me they just don't bother with me except for a Christmas card. Such a shame as we were close as children. I find it very sad.

Thanks everyone. I feel better about it since reading your posts.

Yes let it go.

It does seem like it's time to let the friendship fade.

Real friends are few & far between.
I would let it go if you are making all the effort.

I'm interested in how people interpret these situations. The " let's meet for coffee" being a classic.

There are 2 people I thought were friends ( 30 years) who have ghosted me. It hurts and then informs my future relationships.

It seems Sparkefizz may be doing some ruminating also.

I tend to think that friendships come in all categories- from casual acquaintance to faithful loyal life long pal. And they can move into any of those categories too. With the OP, is there anything to be done except let it be what it is? Either she will get in touch with a flimsy excuse or flakey promise or she won't....you decide if you want to continue to send cards (for old time's sake) - but if you do, let it bc you want to, not with an expectation of anything back. Good luck.

I can also relate to this thread. After having an horrendous accident some years ago my mobility and my mental health just crashed …..I honestly did not want to live and the friends who I had helped and supported for decades were nowhere to be seen. I call these people ‘fair weather friends’ and I simply do not bother texting, writing or calling them any more.

It’s hurtful when we realise we are not so important to others as we imagine we are.

Thinking of a long term friend, moved away when she married but always kept in touch. Last few years, she hasn’t seemed as bothered, just a line scribbled in the Christmas card instead of the usual newsy letter.

I put this down to the fact she is now a (lateish) grandmother, and just wrapped up in her own life and family.

Fair enough, but the newsy letters from me are now just an annual brief e Mail.

Am I bothered? No, not really. We all change and move on, I suppose.

Ah, a general chat about stuff.

Apologies 🙂

Lathyrus I’m going to be unpopular here but I think it was really a bit off to write about your illnesses in her birthday card!

It wasn't the only thing I wrote in her card. I added other news and asked about her daughters.

I realised a long time ago it was always me that stayed in touch . Of all my long term friends I have lived alone over 15 years . I don't have family close by whereas they all have local families . I sadly watched during my darkest times as they visited and were visited by close by family, yet months went by when it was always me making contact. I realise they didn't think of me as I did them . When I would speak I remembered if they were having health or other problems, yet when I would mention I was struggling they never remembered. They are all faded into the distance now , some known for 40 years . I rarely see anyone now , it hurts when I remember the good friend I was to them , yet honestly never reciprocated . Foolish me .

I’m going to be unpopular here but I think it was really a bit off to write about your illnesses in her birthday card!

Apart from that I think it’s quite common for friendship to wither away over time when people move. Especially if your main connection was to do with children. They become more and more irrelevant because you no longer know them so there’s not much of interest to talk about really.

I sent cards for years to people I was never going to see again and last year I just decided to stop. There lives and mine had gone our separate ways.

I have a friend who I met 30years ago.
I moved from my home town 22 years ago, we still met up, went for short breaks together. Spoke on phone weekly. She came to stay twice when my husband was ill. Spoke at his funeral. Made cake for my daughter's wedding 3 years ago.
Was witness at my 2nd marriage 9 years ago.

I realised last year if I didn't make contact I didn't hear from her.

She messaged me last week after a 6 week break. Hasn't mentioned meeting up for over 2 years. Always busy with family but has been away with other friends

Sad situation but I've accepted now friendship is over. Don't know why this happens but heyho

I had friends like this too but I just let them go and discovered new friendships I’m much more happier with my new friends

I have let contact go with 3 people who I worked alongside and socialised with for many years. Over time they all moved to villages near the town we had all lived in, all able to drive (I don't) and when we did happen to meet or speak it was the same "meet up for coffee" that never happened. The last time I heard it said I didn't say anything as I knew it wouldn't come about.

I have had a couple of friendships like this over the years. When I stopped being the first to make contact, never heard from them again.

So yes, let it go.

The three I have written about are long distance and it wouldn’t be possible to meet up now as we are all near 80 or over. I think the fact she didn’t respond to illness at all makes a big difference

It’s hurtful and upsetting Sparklefizz. 💐

Yes.

I had to sadly let a friendship go several yers ago.
Much the same situation.
The "we must meet up for coffee" thing. It never happened.