Shall I let this Friendship go?

The ship has sailed sadly.
Time to move on.

I wrote a similar letter about a friendship that has lasted a little longer that yours.

I let things lie a little and my friend eventually rang and told me it was months since we had met up- I wanted to remind her that it was her that didn't want to meet up, but I kept quiet.

Yesterday though, she came through for me when we both needed it... I was glad I'd been the first to ring.

Friendship should be a two-way process though, and we can't be the one who does all the work- that isn't what I would class as friendship.

I have let many people go over the years and it sounds as if you need to look forward to maybe making new friends and letting go of this person now... if she brings nothing valuable to the relationship then why bother?

Maybe send her one last card/letter telling her how you feel and then let go...?

I still get a Christmas card from someone I thought was a friend- when I sent her a message thanking her and how much I appreciated it, she just said, 'Well you were on my list.'
After that remark I have decided that her card (if I get one this year) will go straight in the bin- I don't want to be just a name on anyone's list...

I shall be very interested to read the replies to this Sparklefizz as like you I tend to be the one who writes first. On Monday I sent three emails. One friend replied with a WhatsApp message, another immediately phoned and so far nothing from the third but it was me who contacted them. Like you I am not sure they would have contacted me. In a way I suppose our children were the bond and they have long grown up.
I would carry on with the cards but step back on the contact and I will try to take my own advice!

Yes.

I had to sadly let a friendship go several yers ago.
Much the same situation.
The "we must meet up for coffee" thing. It never happened.

It’s hurtful and upsetting Sparklefizz. 💐

The three I have written about are long distance and it wouldn’t be possible to meet up now as we are all near 80 or over. I think the fact she didn’t respond to illness at all makes a big difference

I have had a couple of friendships like this over the years. When I stopped being the first to make contact, never heard from them again.

So yes, let it go.

I have let contact go with 3 people who I worked alongside and socialised with for many years. Over time they all moved to villages near the town we had all lived in, all able to drive (I don't) and when we did happen to meet or speak it was the same "meet up for coffee" that never happened. The last time I heard it said I didn't say anything as I knew it wouldn't come about.

I had friends like this too but I just let them go and discovered new friendships I’m much more happier with my new friends

I have a friend who I met 30years ago.
I moved from my home town 22 years ago, we still met up, went for short breaks together. Spoke on phone weekly. She came to stay twice when my husband was ill. Spoke at his funeral. Made cake for my daughter's wedding 3 years ago.
Was witness at my 2nd marriage 9 years ago.

I realised last year if I didn't make contact I didn't hear from her.

She messaged me last week after a 6 week break. Hasn't mentioned meeting up for over 2 years. Always busy with family but has been away with other friends

Sad situation but I've accepted now friendship is over. Don't know why this happens but heyho

I’m going to be unpopular here but I think it was really a bit off to write about your illnesses in her birthday card!

Apart from that I think it’s quite common for friendship to wither away over time when people move. Especially if your main connection was to do with children. They become more and more irrelevant because you no longer know them so there’s not much of interest to talk about really.

I sent cards for years to people I was never going to see again and last year I just decided to stop. There lives and mine had gone our separate ways.

I realised a long time ago it was always me that stayed in touch . Of all my long term friends I have lived alone over 15 years . I don't have family close by whereas they all have local families . I sadly watched during my darkest times as they visited and were visited by close by family, yet months went by when it was always me making contact. I realise they didn't think of me as I did them . When I would speak I remembered if they were having health or other problems, yet when I would mention I was struggling they never remembered. They are all faded into the distance now , some known for 40 years . I rarely see anyone now , it hurts when I remember the good friend I was to them , yet honestly never reciprocated . Foolish me .

Lathyrus I’m going to be unpopular here but I think it was really a bit off to write about your illnesses in her birthday card!

It wasn't the only thing I wrote in her card. I added other news and asked about her daughters.

Ah, a general chat about stuff.

Apologies 🙂

It’s hurtful when we realise we are not so important to others as we imagine we are.

Thinking of a long term friend, moved away when she married but always kept in touch. Last few years, she hasn’t seemed as bothered, just a line scribbled in the Christmas card instead of the usual newsy letter.

I put this down to the fact she is now a (lateish) grandmother, and just wrapped up in her own life and family.

Fair enough, but the newsy letters from me are now just an annual brief e Mail.

Am I bothered? No, not really. We all change and move on, I suppose.

I can also relate to this thread. After having an horrendous accident some years ago my mobility and my mental health just crashed …..I honestly did not want to live and the friends who I had helped and supported for decades were nowhere to be seen. I call these people ‘fair weather friends’ and I simply do not bother texting, writing or calling them any more.

I tend to think that friendships come in all categories- from casual acquaintance to faithful loyal life long pal. And they can move into any of those categories too. With the OP, is there anything to be done except let it be what it is? Either she will get in touch with a flimsy excuse or flakey promise or she won't....you decide if you want to continue to send cards (for old time's sake) - but if you do, let it bc you want to, not with an expectation of anything back. Good luck.

I'm interested in how people interpret these situations. The " let's meet for coffee" being a classic.

There are 2 people I thought were friends ( 30 years) who have ghosted me. It hurts and then informs my future relationships.

It seems Sparkefizz may be doing some ruminating also.

Real friends are few & far between.
I would let it go if you are making all the effort.

It does seem like it's time to let the friendship fade.

Yes let it go.

Thanks everyone. I feel better about it since reading your posts.

This has happened to me with 2 cousins (they are sisters). Although only living 50 miles from me they just don't bother with me except for a Christmas card. Such a shame as we were close as children. I find it very sad.

Thank your lucky stars you had this wonderful friendship for years and years .. some people dont have any friends at all ...