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Shall I let this Friendship go?

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luluaugust Wed 30-Jul-25 08:00:22

I shall be very interested to read the replies to this Sparklefizz as like you I tend to be the one who writes first. On Monday I sent three emails. One friend replied with a WhatsApp message, another immediately phoned and so far nothing from the third but it was me who contacted them. Like you I am not sure they would have contacted me. In a way I suppose our children were the bond and they have long grown up.
I would carry on with the cards but step back on the contact and I will try to take my own advice!

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keepingquiet Wed 30-Jul-25 07:57:08

I wrote a similar letter about a friendship that has lasted a little longer that yours.

I let things lie a little and my friend eventually rang and told me it was months since we had met up- I wanted to remind her that it was her that didn't want to meet up, but I kept quiet.

Yesterday though, she came through for me when we both needed it... I was glad I'd been the first to ring.

Friendship should be a two-way process though, and we can't be the one who does all the work- that isn't what I would class as friendship.

I have let many people go over the years and it sounds as if you need to look forward to maybe making new friends and letting go of this person now... if she brings nothing valuable to the relationship then why bother?

Maybe send her one last card/letter telling her how you feel and then let go...?

I still get a Christmas card from someone I thought was a friend- when I sent her a message thanking her and how much I appreciated it, she just said, 'Well you were on my list.'
After that remark I have decided that her card (if I get one this year) will go straight in the bin- I don't want to be just a name on anyone's list...

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Sago Wed 30-Jul-25 07:53:04

The ship has sailed sadly.
Time to move on.

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Sparklefizz Wed 30-Jul-25 07:40:20

In 1972, as a young married couple, we moved into one of 7 new builds, all occupied by first-time buyers like us, and made good friends with one particular couple. Our children grew up together for the first 9 or 10 years, and I have kept in touch with them all these years even though we have moved to different parts of the country.

I have been on my own for over 20 years, and the wife was widowed 7 years ago. I thought we'd be friends for the rest of our lives, but during the pandemic I suddenly realised (goodness knows why it took me so long) that I was the one keeping up all the contact over all the years. I didn't want to accept that the person I had thought of as one of my closest friends was - perhaps - not that close, but 18 months ago I decided not to keep making the running. We still send birthday and Christmas cards but I have waited for her to make contact and she hasn't.

In her card last Christmas, she wrote "Sorry I haven't been in touch. I just haven't made the time. I'll ring in the New Year." She hasn't phoned and didn't "make the time."

In my birthday card to her in January I put that I was having heart problems and was feeling very ill with Shingles. I have never heard from her. If roles were reversed, I'd have got in touch immediately to see how she was.

It looks to me as if 53 years of friendship have fallen by the wayside. Shall I let it go?

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