Shall I let this Friendship go?

I have friends/ people I've known for years but we don't chat, or contact eachother. Birthday and Christmas cards whittled to none, if they moved, or died, I wouldn't even k ow. No one tells me.
I left work four years ago and had a few good work colleagues, but they never message to say hi, although I used to, until I realized I was the one that always the first to say hello.
I met up with one on a semi regular basis, but she went away a lot with other friends and her daughter. Last time she went on holiday, I said let me know when you're back and we'll meet up again. That was over two years ago. I'm not going to be saying hi. I shall wait.
I reached out to another friend on FB a while ago. She said she's sorting out a holiday and when she's back we will definitely meet up for a catch up. Again, I shall wait and see.

Sparkle fizz,
You have been very lucky having a friend for so long, and even if it's just a card at Christmas, it's still a friendship. Don't drop her, because one day she won't be there, and you will regret not sending that card, or writing in it about your days.
Even if she doesn't respond as much, she will still know You are around. And that's always good to know, no matter how often or not you keep in touch.
But the decision is yours x

Friends for ‘a reason, season or lifetime’ - a great saying I think. Time to let that one go.

After 53 years I think it would be sad to end such a long friendship. Simply continue with birthday and Christmas cards and keep the messages light.

Thank you StripeyGran. Your post means a lot. I feel heard.

There is a lot of loss here Sparkle. Your partner, the past, the thoughful gift of the photo album, the loss of hope re the friendship.

Sorry for this pain.

Well, if you think it is a waste of energy, you have nothing to lose except pain. The pandemic was five years ago.

Have you suggested going to visit her? Sometimes people are very bad at visiting others, but are happy to host them - I have a friend like that. Or if that would be too much after such a long time, maybe there's a B&B or hotel nearby where you could stay for a night or two. If she doesn't want that, I think you have your answer.

Doodledog I’m not sure what form ‘giving up on the friendship’ would take when there is no contact.

My hopes.... and the energy I waste on thinking about her.

Each to her own, but I don’t consider exchanging Christmas cards with no other contact to be friendship. It’s not really acquaintanceship either. More ‘somebody that I used to know’.

I’m not sure what form ‘giving up on the friendship’ would take when there is no contact. How would either of you know?

Love the name xx

BlueberryPie

Barbadosbelle

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You use the name 'Sparklefizz' but you say you don't drink!!

Oh, the irony!
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What does that mean? I thought Sparklefizz had something to do with sex.

What are you trying to say for goodness' sake?
I don't drink, it's nothing to do with sex - I chose the name because I liked the sound of it.

Barbadosbelle

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You use the name 'Sparklefizz' but you say you don't drink!!

Oh, the irony!
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I just liked the name. It's not a crime.

Somewhat related, I've re-connected with several old friends and soon remembered why we drifted apart in the first place.

People can change an awful lot through the years, both in their mindset and circumstances and it figures in hugely, to me.

Continuing with Christmas cards and a phone chat once every couple of years is okay but then it's a very short step from that to "why bother at all."

Barbadosbelle

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You use the name 'Sparklefizz' but you say you don't drink!!

Oh, the irony!
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What does that mean? I thought Sparklefizz had something to do with sex.

You don’t have to go through a de-friending ritual! Just moderate your expectations.

Barbadosbelle

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You use the name 'Sparklefizz' but you say you don't drink!!

Oh, the irony!
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eh?

Unless I'm misunderstanding, that sounds rather 'not in the spirit of GN'.

I'm sorry to say that I'm that friend that gets ditched. I have a phone phobia - I'm fine ringing the dentist or HMRC, but NOT friends or rellies.

I do love email cos you can send a message at midnight and the recipient can read and respond without being pressured as with a phone call. A lot of my approach comes from me having irregular/unsociable working hours (hence irregular free times) as well as having a lot more external demands on my time than my friends/relatives. One of those demands was caused by my job as a lecturer which entailed a 90-minute drive to AND* from home, often teaching till 9 p.m. and working 60-hours a week, compared with friends with more normal jobs. I also had both sets of parents to help (one set disabled quite early and not living nearby (but needed us every weekend) and my DM with dementia.

My local friends had no living parents, their children and GC live locally and they have fit, healthy husbands.

It would break my heart if any of my friends "cut me out" cos of my poor contact record cos I think of them all often and the best of them know that. They also know that I'd be there in a shot if they needed me.







Fortunately some friends accepted that but some didn't understand it and probably felt it meant I didn't care (even though I tried to explain).

In fact, I DO care about friends. Most of them have always known I am there for them if needed - and often have been - but I've rarely been able to do the "lets meet for lunch next week". Now I have a disabled DH I literally have no "me time" any more

I have a lifelong friend who, like myself, is just reaching 90 years old..we were born next door to each other and have kept in touch ever since in spite of both of us moving around this country, going to different schools, getting married, having families, both now widows....neither of us had brothers or sisters and often have regarded each as a sister.....a relation
ship to treasure.

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You use the name 'Sparklefizz' but you say you don't drink!!

Oh, the irony!
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From what you've written, it would appear that this friend did alot to help you over the years and to be a supportive and kind friend.

I hope that her efforts were reciprocated. If they weren't- then there's your answer!
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Maybe 'third one' is also ill (or even dead)?
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It's a shame to lose all that shared history. I think sometimes we don't know what other people are going through in their lives. If your friend was widowed seven years ago, her life might have changed since you really knew her.
If you're still sending cards, I'd perhaps send a last message along the lines of "Look after yourself and give me a call if you're ever in need of a chat/when life is less busy."
Keep your fond memories but if she doesn't get in touch it would seem that life for her has moved on.

You were friends because you were neighbours and both had children growing up side by side. When these things were gone, the basis of the friendship was no longer there in the same way. You havekept in contact for a long time but are



coming to realize that you have always done the running and she has been the one to respond. I am in a similar situation with an old school friend. We have to accept, I think. You would love her to be close, someone with whom you could exchange sympathy and understanding. But wanting this, won't make her be that person. It doesn't make either of you a bad person. Your mutual needs just no longer meet. Maybe let it go. It is a bit sad. But feeling resentful robs ourselves of our own peace and happiness. I imagine saying to my friend, "Do you actually like me?" The answer might well be no. But how could she say that to me? After all it is not her duty to like me. I don't think it sounds as bad as that with you and your friend. A lot of people just don't keep up with others when their lives move apart especially as we get older..

Like flogging a dead horse comes to mind unfortunately. I've been in the same position and just decided the friendship had run it's course.

I renewed a school friendship some years ago- something I vowed that I’d never do as I hated school ( despite a 40 year career in the profession) Anyway, this person has refused to acknowledge my partner’s existence and always puts the wrong name on Christmas cards. She hasn’t got dementia or anything similar, she just does it for a a laugh or spite or … who knows ? So, this Christmas, I’m not bothering.

people who were overweight. Lost mi glasses!