Suspect son is in debt - how to help?

What you should not do is bale him out again. While he knows that you can be relied on to rescue from his financial problems he has no incentive to deal with them, you are in fact enabling his behaviour.

I am afraid the simple answer is that you can do nothing. He is in his mid 30s, has children and an ex-wife. he needs to learn to take responsibility for his own life and behaviour and you need to let him do so.

I was reading an article today about addicts and their families and the person writing the article said the biggest mistake the families of addicts make is thinking that how much they love and want to help the addict will somehow help the addict giv up their addiction. She said love is utterly irrelelvant.

In your case you love your son and want to help him with his problems, but loving him and wanting to help him will never make him responsible with money until he decides to grasp the nettle and deal with it.

So you can do nothing to help him, give your care and love to your grandchildren, they need it most.

Thank you, Retread, you’re right🙂

I'm not judging you Love59 , I just wondered.

You'll have to tell him of your concerns, and he will have to sit with the discomfort and hear you out. Also redirect all the mail. I wouldn't say anything to the new partner, that's between them...

Good luck.

He’s 35! I know….
When he’s no longer living with us we won’t have a clue…but we’re worried that he’s not addressing the problem

You need to talk to him about this. If any these are from a debt collection agency, as they're being sent to your address you could have them knocking on your door.

Have a discussion with him?

Hi Love59. How old is your son?