the first thing is not to give up the life you have made for yourself. You are now equal partners at home , and you should not be doing all the chores or even setting the pattern out as to what and when things are done. He now has the chance to make up his own timetable, and in the meantime , if I was you, I would look at my own timetable and see what is enjoyable, what is just boring or necessary jobs and what has to be done. Then my own idea was looking at things that we didnt mind doing and so I preferred doing most of the garden myself, and we both were quite good cooks, but between a bad back and finding it very boring anyway, I do not like supermarket shopping, but can enjoy open market shopping. Then we devised a major shopping list of stuff to compare with and my husband used to do that, go and get the stuff AND put it all away. In the meantime I usually got the washer going, put stuff out on the line etc. He thought that was a waste of time but I love the smell of freshly dried stuff from outside and cheaper than putting a drier on. So we worked out what suited each of us and were happier doing that. I enjoyed at last being able to cook some new and unusual dishes rather than the constant what shall we eat each day, so we amicably sorted jobs out, and the great thing was it allowed me to carry on with choir, and meeting friends etc plus having some time for us to do things together. Especially at this time of year, whatever plans that had been made, a sunny day meant ignoring the cleaning or whatever I had planned and make the most of the good weather. If he seems unable to make any suggestions, then look at your normal things so say you always have coffee with friends on tuesday morning and swim on thursday afternoon, if he says lets go shopping or whatever, just say in a calm voice, oh no I am out then, we could leave it for another day , or better still you get whatever is required and we will have our spare time free for swimming or whatever. DONT allow yourself to be the person who works out for him what to do, nor assume the organiser of what you will eat or do, now there are two of you. If all else fails then perhaps doing a day at a time each, to begin with. so if you have done all the food etc on monday and on tuesday he says what are we having, you just say I dont know dear it is up to you and go on and do what you want to do. That way after a week or two he should get the message and perhaps you can then get down to talking about how you would like to go on with things. If it starts to creep back to all being down to you, then have a look for a course for a few days that you would like to go on, book it and go, and he will then have to sort his own things out until you come back.When you return, tell him what a lovely course it was and ask if he has had a pleasant time, but dont list what you think he should or could have done. Let him tell you. He will get the message eventually.
