Divorce

Also to add that the house was solely in my name too ( he hated the fact that his name was not on the title deeds!!)

You really must see a solicitor. GNs will give you well meaning advice but you would be much better off seeking it from someone legally trained to protect your interests.

Yes of course. I will be making an appointment to see a solicitor this week.

Readandcook

Yes of course. I will be making an appointment to see a solicitor this week.

Well, I am not a solicitor (I guess that's the equivalent of lawyer in the US?) but my brother was going through a divorce before he finally realized he couldn't afford to.

Anyway, in the process I read a bit about it, although I live in the US ,so the laws might be different. However the fact your home is only in your name and was acquired with inherited money should insure that he cannot get any of that home.

But in the US, the marital home is still shared, so, here any new equity that has accumulated over the course of the marriage/home ownership would be half his. But in 18 months, I doubt there is any new equity in your home.

It sounds like you are sitting good, with property bought with inherited money (in the US, inherited money is not community property) plus money you had pre-marriage, I doubt he could get anything out of this.

Seriously, you should consult a professional and it shouldn't be a big deal, really. Just because he might want more doesn't mean he can get it.

Oh, and here in America, even though his home was no doubt separate property too (had before you married?), if he is collecting rent, collecting rent in America is considered income, which is community property.

So if he gives you too much trouble, you can ask for half the amount of rent he's been collecting for these 3 years!

That might rattle him a bit!

At least that's how it is in the US community property law.

Starfish not totally true here my home was partially (half) left to me ( inherited from my Nan) I took out a mortgage in my name only for the remaining half …..we had lived in it a year when my then husband ( second) had an affair and told me he was leaving for the other woman
The solicitor told me that he could be entitled to half the house as he had lived in it a over a year In the end he suggested that if I took over ex husbands debts he would not try to get the house from me that’s what I did as the debts were much much less than half the house I then paid everything off myself over the coming years and I m still in the house
Now this was a good while back so everything may well have changed since then

Please make sure you get good legal advice. On reading your post the part that worried me was that he could go for half of your house. Could you go for half of his house? Why I say this is I had a friend who was an only child and inherited a house and beautiful car from her parents. Her husband wanted a divorce and got half of everything!

Yes be very very careful. Get a good lawyer who specialises in divorce. They all have websites now and there'll be a specialist
partner.

Make sure you like them too and they are sympathetic.

Here in Scotland the laws are different from English law.

An acquaintance died having been separated from her husband but not divorced. She tried not to leave him anything in her will but alas, in Scottish law the spouse automatically gets at least half.

So divorce may be the best thing for you and your money. I hope so.

When my daughter got divorced her solicitor told her that any property bought during the marriage is automatically jointly owned, regardless of whether both names are on the deeds or not.
That was thirteen years ago.

BlueBelle

Starfish not totally true here my home was partially (half) left to me ( inherited from my Nan) I took out a mortgage in my name only for the remaining half …..we had lived in it a year when my then husband ( second) had an affair and told me he was leaving for the other woman
The solicitor told me that he could be entitled to half the house as he had lived in it a over a year In the end he suggested that if I took over ex husbands debts he would not try to get the house from me that’s what I did as the debts were much much less than half the house I then paid everything off myself over the coming years and I m still in the house
Now this was a good while back so everything may well have changed since then

Oh wow, that seems so unfair that your inherited half was not protected, Here in the US it is, unless, it becomes co mingled and definitely taking out a mortgage using any community property to pay for would intitled your husband to something.....but half? For such a short time too?

Here in the US you have to have intent on giving up your inheritance. Although many times it happens, and it happened to my brother, he needed a new refinance to make the payments on the half he bought me out of our parents home. So his wife was put on the deed and that comingled the property.

If he hadn't did it with a quit claim and signed it to her, his half would have still been protected. But, she made him do it in order to get her to sign onto the loan.

So he found this out and backed out of the divorce. He could have just took the chance the judge would give him the half credit, but it wasn't worth it to him.

Get professional legal advice from a family law solicitor, asap- you've got your appointment booked- well done. Formalise your separation date. Make sure any joint named banking accounts, if you have any, are frozen until any agreements secured.

Communication: Be polite to ex husband at all times but don't be brow beaten or a soft touch- e.g. when he text you to say he would be filing for divorce whilst you were on holiday- thank him for his text and that you will be in touch once you are back home from your holiday to communicate further. Keep screenshots and copies of all written communication.

Suggest, in writing, to your husband that you would like to attend to attend formal mediation together, to discuss fair financial settlement proposals, with the assistance of a professional divorce mediator. Not expensive. If he refuses, keep evidence of his refusal, potentially to show in any future court proceedings. You will both be required to disclose financial income, outgoings, pensions, assets etc. You own rental home, so does he, so you both have rental income. You also both therefore have the means to adequately house yourselves the key issue is reaching agreement for a clean break settlement. Make sure you secure a clean break settlement.

Your biggest concern no doubt is the value of the house you purchased entirely with money gifted to YOU by YOUR parents, that you lived in together, not for many years, that is solely in your name. You have not indicated whether your parents gifted you that money whilst you were married or before.

Get all documentation together to demonstrate you alone purchased the home in your sole name. You "allowed" your husband to have benefit of living there whilst married, instead of living is his property purchased in his sole name, but he chose to end that "benefit" as he moved out. It may be that your parents gifted that money to you, solely for "your benefit" and expressly did not intend their gift to be considered a "marital asset" to be shared on divorce just a couple of years later?

If you feel able and can bear it, it may be beneficial to rent out that property and live temporally in your rental home or find somewhere else to live and pay rent, in the same way your husband has moved out. That way you are both in the same situation- ie he has property in his sole name and so do you. You can try to negotiate within the mediation process that you both agree to place no claim on each other's property that is in sole names. That way also you could say to your husband your parents gifted that money expressly for your "sole benefit" not as a "marital financial asset" which would be very hard if not impossible for him to prove.

Keep evidence of any financial support you've given your husband since separation- dates and amounts. Take that detail into mediation discussions/ legal process to remind your husband he has already had that benefit from YOUR financial assets- and can be fairly deducted from any agreed financial settlement.

As he has a rental property and adequate income I would suggest giving you ex husband no more money. The way he manages his State pension, work income and rental income is up to him- his money mismanagement, i.e. overdraft, is not your responsibility or concern.

You do not mention pension savings- i.e. occupational. You say your husband has already reached state pension age, still works and earns £1,000 a month but does he has an additional occupational pension? Have you reached state pension age? Do you still work and have an income. Do you already draw on or have yet to come an occupational pension? All to be considered.

You were married for a fairly short time, both have property to access in sole names and have no young dependent children have needs to be considered. That makes things more straightforward in many ways.

If you had drawn up a will with your husband- that needs to be changed, updated I would suggest- lawyer to advise.

All of that is transactional. Your emotional care is important Take good care of yourself emotionally- the breakdown of any marriage is not easy and takes its toll. Perhaps consider counselling- not relationship counselling but to help you navigate the separation and divorce process. Surround yourself with good friends, supportive loved ones.

Take good care Readandcook and good luck! 💐

Thank you. This is very helpful.
I am 62 and retired from being a nurse in July last year ( just before my 58 year old brother died which adds to my husbands intimely departure too) I am in receipt of carers allowance and my rental income. I do not receive any pension.
The money was gifted not for definitely buying a property here. However I used it to buy the property as we had been living with my Mother which long term was not suitable.
My daughter is a trained lawyer specialising in family law. Her boss and herself have said that he shouldn’t be entitled to much if not anything-
1) name not on deeds of house
2) he has a house he could live in
3) no dependent children
4) very short marriage
5) He has an income of state pension, work income and rental.
6) He left the property voluntary
7) I have given him £4.500 since he left to help him.

Gradually lower his expectations. Do not give him any more money.
Do be clear that if there is any dispute you will see a solicitor.
You are an ex nurse and a soft touch, I think he thought,.
Have you had thd locks changed ??

Thanks for getting back to us Readandcook. Condolences for your brother's death.

Your daughter trained in family law is a great asset and makes a world of difference. She will be ally along the journey towards financial settlement and guide you step by step. I am in agreement with her view and the summary set out- I hope you find that reassuring, so that you feel more emotionally confident and more confident about safeguarding your financial status.

Aside from any differences in the rental income you each enjoy- your husband has employment income and state pension income which you do not, so is in a favourable income situation. This is beneficial to you. Tell him this. You are retired and in receipt of carers allowance, inferring you are providing regular care to a disabled person, possibly your Mother- but that benefit does not match your husband's employment income. Let him know that in your view your husband is in a better financial position as a result. If he responds that he is shelling out for rent (is he?) you can respond that is his choice as he could always move into his own property instead.

I forgot about changing the locks- a good idea.

In a way your husband is the one on the back foot. He left voluntarily, it was a short marriage, he has adequate financial income to support himself and owns property himself in his sole name etc. He is in no position to demand or expect anything financially from you in the short term as a result. He can push all he likes for any sum he believes he should gain- just quietly and clamp respond you do not agree.

Work out what you feel is fair to end all finical arrangements between you, write it down and give it to him, at a time right for you.